my dad called an hour ago to tell me that my grandma died... she had a stroke several years ago and was living at our place, in my old room, in my old bed...for the last couple of months she's been saying that she's had it and just wishes to get rid of everything (meaning, she wanted to die), and last week she had digestive problems, so they took her to hospital, which she hated...today, my mom and dad went to see her at about 2PM, and she also said that she was fed up with everything, the nurse couldn't find her vein, her intestines weren't working well and so on... they said goodbye and went home. on the way they stopped to buy some groceries when they called to let them know. they said she died peacefully, just kind of switched off...
so, i know it's for the best, she'll find her peace now and all...i'm not religious, but i think she's happier now, she can finally walk (to the last day she kept believing she would someday walk, although there was no chance)...she had her good sides, her bad sides...but i keep remembering how she thought me poems when i was little, she babysat me while folks were at work, she cared for me when i was ill, she took me to the marketplace to by veggies and fruit, and gave me my own basket to carry around...I regret that i didn't spend more time with her when i visited home, i would usually just spend a few hours every visit in her room...didn't really know what to talk about with her...but she liked someone there...she always cried when i left...i knew i would regret it...i should've spent more time with her...
she always said that she doesn't care what we do with her once she's dead, that she cares about what happens when she's alive...and that when she dies, i shouldn't cry and be sad, that i should sit down, play and sing...i did just that, although it hurts like hell and i was crying all the time...i should've played and sang to her while she was ill...i just never payed that much attention...
anyway...sorry for this post, i don't know why i'm writing it...i guess i want to let it out...i hope she had a fulfilled life and that she's at peace now...
thank you for reading this...

Sorry for your loss. Not too much can be said at a time like this without sounding trite, so I won't. It sounds like you handled it the right way though. Don't feel bad, I'm sure she would wish you nothing but peace.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Sounds like you're taking it stronger than I would. Cherish the good memories, don't dwell on the "should haves." Your grandmother obviously loved you very much.

Yeah, don't dwell on the should haves.. because they have no benefit.
I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe she'll send you a message soon...?

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure she would not want you to feel guilt as she clearly loved you very much.

I am sorry to hear about your loss...it is a tough thing to go through, I have been through it. It gets easier over time...One of the things to keep in mind is that you cant change the past...no matter how much time you spent with her, there could have been more time.

Everyone regrets that they should have spent more time with a loved one, it is natural to do so. There are limits in life, as tough as that is...kids grow up and move away, grandkids have their own lives too and grandparents understand that. It does help you to realize how fragile the relationships you have now can be...most people dont get that until someone they care for passes away, and once they have that, it changes the way they deal with loved ones...

One of the things that you might find helpful is to focus on the positive things that came out of the time you spent together, the stories you got from her, the things you learned...those kinds of things...To realize how much you did get your relationship from her.

Sorry for your loss, death always hurts but in the end its just life I suppose. I never go over my Grandma dying, I know how you are feeling right now. Without seeming like a complete jerkoff though, what does this have to do with the Unexplained?

I'm so sorry for your loss Dodir. I know there isn't anything that I can say that will make you feel better.
It is my belief, that when someone dies, they move on to a much better place and from there, they can see into our hearts and know how much we loved them.

guys, thank you so much. it really means a lot to me to get some comfort from you, as i'm pretty much alone in the city at this time (everyone i know is gone for the weekend). i feel almost ok, and have been thinking that this is the best that could happen, since the longer she lived, she would just suffer more. and yes, me not being enough with her has just thought me to spent more time with my dad and mom, and my brother.
and regarding the unexplained, i don't know. i guess there's nothing unexplained, but i've been a lot to this forum recently and just knew i would get comfort here. but who knows, if my grandma shows herself in the future, maybe it will be unexplained

once again, thank you all...

Just wanted to let you know, my heart really went out to you when I heard about your Grandmother. I just lost my Mother on Thanksgiving, and it still hurts everytime I think about it. And even if I had spent every waking moment with her, I would still think it wasn't enough time. And although I've felt at times that I didn't get along with my stepdad all that well, I still felt for him too because he lost my Mom, and both of his parents in the same year. I couldn't even imagine going through all that loss. It's hard enough going through one.

So I just wanted to offer my condolences, although that could never be enough. *hugs*

Also, although these can be all in my mind, I like to think they are real, because it gives me solace. ;P But when my Mom passed away, all I wanted was a simple sign to let me know that she was still there, or that there was something more than just death. So a couple of days after she went I prayed for it, or willed for it, and again, although this can be just coincidence, it kind of calmed me and soothed me, even though it didn't take the pain away. But I was in the kitchen, just crying, and I was in the middle of feeding my doggies, so I went to reach for a paper towel to wipe away my tears. And I remember just staring outside and just wanting something, anything, to let me know that she was okay. Well, I was about to wipe my face, but before I did I just happened to glance on the writing on the paper towel, and it was folded perfectly to where the wording was facing me, and it said, "A Mother's love never fades." ...Well... I just broke into more tears after seeing that. XP Even if it was something so simple as that, and perhaps so coincidental, I took that as a sign. And it just made me cry even more. And what's funny, is that we've been using that same paper towel brand before, and I had no idea it even had words on them. XP So why would I all of a sudden glance down to see them for the first time ever? :\ And folded perfectly to where I could read those words? I still have the paper towel, as a matter of fact. I didn't have the heart to use it.

And just a couple of days ago, we've found out that my Mom's apple tree, which we've had for over 7 years, have flowers on them for the first time. She's been waiting so long for the tree to even give us one little flower, and now it has at least 20 of them. It looks beautiful. And my stepdad came up to me, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes, and saying that she must have heard him, because he was asking for a sign.

Now some people might just dismiss it as silly and coincidental ;P, but it really can calm the heart and give us solace, because it's something we desperately want to believe in, and who is to say that it's not true or is? ;P I like to believe in it, and I'm not going to just throw away moments like that because some might think it's too illogical to be true.

Anyways, I wish you all the best. I hope you do get a sign, or perhaps get a visit from your grandmother. ;P *hugs again*

Sorry if this sounds harsh,but the best thing you can do is stop crying and get over it.Life is hard.The more you think about it,the worse it is.When you regret not doing things,it only makes you remember more things you should have done.The fact is,you can't do them over,so there's no point wishing you could.There's no point in making it harder than it already is,so don't.Just move on with your life.I know it sounds harsh,but it's the best thing to do


sig explains it in a few words.

I think most people take about a year for healthy grief over the loss of a close loved one though.
There is each season and each holiday to go through with the change first.

Oh Dodir, I am very sorry for your loss, and it is good that you posted your feelings here. Don't dwell on what you should have done, keep the memories in your heart of the time you spent with your grandmother. Always remember the happy moments, cry when you want and laugh when you remember the good times you both had. Accepting death is very difficult, but I too believe that your grandmoter is at peace, and she would want you to be happy...Take care...goalie

Oh, Dodir, I'm sorry for your loss. But like everyone else has said, try and remember the good things. It's ok to miss and think about her. Some days will be better than others, but keep going on and keep on loving. (Corny, I know.) *Hug*

guys, you are really something. i can't explain how much comfort it brings to see that although strangers, people can understand and be there for you. i'm sorry for everyone who's also lost someone dear. at least we have each other's expiriences to share.
i just got back today, have stayed a day longer to be with mom. everything went just as good as it could. the good thing is she only spent 2-3 hours at the hospital, and didn't die at home (which my mom dreaded). though it was a shock because they took her to hospital to do the enema, cos she had trouble with her bowels, but her heart gave away so she had a heart-attack just after my mom and dad have left.
there was a shocking moment at the funeral, when they asked my mom if she wanted the cascet open, and she said no, because she wanted to remember her alive, but my grandma's sisters wasnted to say goodbye, so she told them to open it. and so there we were at the chapel on the graveyard, everyone standing around the casket, the undertaker unscrewed the top and slid it down. the first thing i noticed (she was covered with a very see-through shroud) is how her hair was kind of away from the head, as if someone has put her in the casket and then pulled her down and the hair stayed up, you know? then i noticed that she was very pale, but that parts of her face and neck were dark gray or black from decaying. next i noticed that she had a large trail of almost black blood coming from her nose and to the side of her face, down the neck. then my mom just quickly said "no, no, close it, close it" which they did. as they closed the top, my mom just buried her face in my neck and sobbed, and then an awfull, rotting kind of stench just filled the whole room. it was really awfull and it was the first time i smelled a decaying human body. i just don't know how come they (the undertakers) didn't know it would be like that. after all, the funeral was only two days after she passed. shouldn't they keep the body in a refridgerator or check the body prior the funeral?
but that all is not really what i want to share. though that image shocked me (and still hounts me when i go to sleep) it kind of brought comfort too. i know it's kind of bizzare, but seeing my grandma's body dead, and starting to decay, just let me know that that body is not her anymore. that if she exists somewhere, the body is in no way connected to her and is just something she used to be. it was comforting to know that the thing we're burying is not our grandma, but just a body she used.
as we were going to the grave, and the preacher prayed i realized that it's more comforting for me to think that she just ceased to exist, in any form, that she is no more, knows nothing, feels nothing. that way, she can't have any regrets, wishes, nothing...when i imagined that she was in heaven (i'm an agnostic), or still existed as some form of energy, it wasn't just as comforting, because, she exists, and i can't be with her, she can't be with us, she still has feelings, hopes, regrets, saddness, everything! i don't know how to explain it, but maybe you already understand. maybe it was that way because i couldn't really imagine the heaven or the energy and everything. now, i'm somewhere in between. at times it feels more comforting to thing that she's at peace, somewhere else, having whatever kind of existance. and sometimes it doesn't.
as i talked to everyone, most of them regreted for not being enough with her, for not doing enough, even her sisters who came to visit every week. once i realized that, i understood it was common, and that i shouldn't regret it. now i only regret that i never remembered to take my guitar and sing and play for her, which i know she would've liked, but she never asked and i never did. one thing i learned from all of this is and it really keeps me going and hangs on in here, is that there is SO MUCH things i can do to make my mom, dad, brother, aunts, uncle, cousins happy. i realized there's tons of ways to spend more time with them, listen to them, let them know i appreciate all the things they've done for me, untill it's too late. i don't want to bring myself again to the situation to regret something. i'm gonna do my best not to.
just wanted to let you know that i'm really ok now as the funeral and all that stuff is over. and thank you so much for worrying. my heart goes out for you.

I'm glad you are o.k.!
I'm so sorry for what happened at the funeral.
Grief is a strange thing, don't be surprised if, in the next couple of months, you feel an intense longing for your grandmother. It is perfectly natural, and I learned after I lost my father, that the grief becomes much more intense, once the shock wears off.
I wish you the best and I think you're a very stong person.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve, but also remember the good times. I know I still miss my grandfathers who have both passed away in the last few years. Obviously I know nothing about your grandmother, but as a mother I know that the greatest joy is watching my children grow and thrive, so despite any sad events that may have happened in her life I feel sure that she experienced that same happiness in seeing her children and grandchildren grow up. It sounds like that towards the end due to illness she had much less quality of life. It was much the same with my grandfathers and although I miss them both I am glad they found peace. It was interesting that you wrote of her wish to walk again. One of myGrandads was very incapacitated towards the end, but after he died I had a dream of walking with him up a hill until we reached a point when he had to go on alone and he was walking as well as a young man. I was very comforted by that dream (if dream it was!) and hope that you can find similar comfort in imagining your grandmother somewhere she can walk and do all the things she once enjoyed doing before she became ill.

I see what you mean about the feeling of comfort from strangers. I as well am quite sorry for the death of your relative. What you wrote on the last post of page one was impressive and meaningful. Anyone with a heart here, I'm sure, has feeling for you.