I was talking to a family member tonight and I guess a post on here got me thinking as well. Anyway that particular family member has given me untold grief because I wasn’t interested in dating a man that she tried to set me up with simply because he was religious. Now I won’t say what religion and he is a very nice man but again he is religious and I told her I just didn’t think a relationship would work between myself and someone religious because I felt that if they were living by the conditions that their God put on them than I would have to deal with their conditions related to that.

Well she came back and told me I was being a hypocrite that I speak of unconditional love and yet I was putting conditions on a man because he was religious. So this needless to say got me to thinking and examining if she was in fact right in her assessment I mean after all my parents were different religions and they stayed married until she died.

So what are your thoughts? Would you be able to maintain a relationship with someone of religion or beliefs strongly adverse to your own?

I kind of tend to think that it’s not hypocritical or conditional at all more than a fair foreseen assessment of knowing me yet I am bias so I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

to each their own. if you feel that it wouldn't work, it wont. you need to feel comfortable with whom you date. question? how religious is this guy? like is he over the top religious?

Salaam (Peace)

I think you made the right choice and showed a lot of respect for religion in general. Personally, my wife needs to be of my same faith for things to work. Beliefs adverse to my own? Absolutely not!

I don't think you are wrong at all. Choosing someone to date involves weeding out anyone who you foresee being too different from what your ideal mate is. If you feel that his beliefs would affect you negatively, I think it's better to gracefully bow out now before it goes any further.

You said your parents were different religions, yet they stayed married. Were they as different as the beliefs (or lack thereof) are between you and this person you are talking about? If so, then that is remarkable.

Well to answer that question I wouldn't say he is over the top religious but he is definately religious and I am not.

Thank you. Although I do feel bad that it had hurt his feelings at the time I think I probably saved him alot of heartache further down the road if I would have been unhappy because of the major difference in beliefs.

Yes my parents were very different religions, my mother was Jewish and my father was Catholic and they were married 17 years and always respected eachother's beliefs which amazes me as well even given the fact both of their families were very unhappy about the marriage and prejudiced against the opposite one's religion and treated us differently growing up because we were viewed as "mixed" kids. Sad but true and that is mainly why I guess I feel bad about cutting someone off because of religion. But I think the reason they were able to maintain it honestly was because they loved eachother unconditionally and they were able to live with the differences in religion and were okay with it I on the other hand am willing to admit I don't think I can.

There's nothing wrong with that, I wouldn't even consider someone who is of a different religion than me.

I doesnt depend on the other person it depends on you. We can never be responsible, or take responsibility, for another person(children excepted) We can, and must, take responsibility for ourselves. Thus yes I could live with anyone, and be quite happy doing so, because of who i am.


It is possible through knowledge, understanding, and skills, to choose any relationship you want with another. You can choose to celebrate differences or get frustrated by them . You can choose to get angry at your frustrations or be amused by them. You can choose to hate or to love.
Because we are human we have these choices and the ability to both decide and act on them.
I dont know if thats what your family member was implying, that through love you can maintain a positive relationship with anyone.

Having said all that, most people naturally take the path of least resistance. This makes their life easier, but they also; learn, grow, and develop, less as human beings, than people who take a more challenging path.

I married, my first cousin, (whom i met for the first time at my 21st birthday party,) and a woman 9 years older than me, someone very religious, when i had been an athiest all my life, someone whose basic wants and needs were very different to mine (she wanted to live on a farm as a social hermit with a practical man preferably a farmer.) I was then the least practical person you could meet with a love of books, learning and a comfortable life. I loved people and social contact.

We have had a love affair, and a marriage, which i would describe as exceptional for 30-35 years now. I learned plumbing, electrical work, fencing, crutching, shearing, etc. She shared my passion for books and learning.She learned to like people more and become more sociable . In other words we grew together because the glue of love gave us no other alternative.

My wife is Catholic and I don't follow any religion... to me it isn't hard. Then again, I'm not very open about it... maybe if I was a little less introverted I'd find it to be difficult.

Religious difference is a reasonable factor to consider in mate selection. Duh.

What caught my eye, though, is what your sister specifically complained about


which is echoed in your explanation of your own views to the forum


So is the real issue here whether or not your sister had a point?

"Unconditional love" has its place, but I don't know anybody who is altogether unselective in their choice of partners. As the lady said in Clueless (close paraphrase): "I'm fussy about my shoes, and I only put my feet in those."

You clearly have at least one condition for your erotic love, religious compatibility. So, your erotic love is conditional.

That you said differently does not make you a hypocrite, but it does suggest that you might want to do some "values clarification," which should be fairly simple in this case. Of course you want a suitable mate, according to your own ideas about what suitable means. You may wish to adopt a popular policy and save your unconditional love for your children.

Meanwhile, recalibrate your sister's estimate of what you're looking for, so she can send your way those hot atheistic bad boys whom she rejects.

it depends on how sensitive each is about the subject. Some people of vastly different faiths can work well together some don't. Maybe it's a matter of security within that belief as well as the respect of personal boundaries concerning others and that belief.

For me it would depend on the religion. I couldn't see me (a neo-Celtic Druid) with a fundamentalist Christian or a Muslim. I could handle a Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, or even a Jewish woman. As long as the person isn't pushy about their religion it is ok with me. I choice for a mate would be a nice Pagan woman, but I am tolerant of other people's religion as long as they are tolerant with me.

Salaam (Peace)

I work very well with people of other religious beliefs and practices, but my home life if a different situation. Marriage is a very big part of my faith, and faith is a big part of my marriage.

I have a practicing Jewish friend whose husband is a practicing catholic. They seem to make it work considering they've been married for 15 years and have 5 sons together. In fact, they're one of the happier couples I know.

I've thought alot over the years about why their marriage seems to work... I think it has to do with the fact that they talk, communicate, make decisions together, and comprimise. For example, they talked at great length about how they would raise their children before they even got married. They had some serious comprising and finally decided to raise the children Jewish. But, in honor of his Catholic faith... they have a LOT of kids. LOL.

I think actually being from two different religions forces them to work together better than they might otherwise would have.

It's a thought I've always had anyway...

Aside from religion, I don't think anybody should feel obligated to date anybody they're not interested in.

As far as my personal beliefs, I am a Christian and I would only date/marry a Christian woman who has a similar desire to grow spiritually as I do.

My children ohhh I tell you I look in their little faces and I believe in unconditional love. They are the jam in my peanut butter and jelly!

Hot athesistic bad boys huh? hehehe too late she married one I wouldn't mind a sweet kind atheistic boy as long as he likes the Yankees and sushi and is about 6 feet tall and his feet can't stink and it helps if he can cook than and only than can I love him unconditionally. hehehehe In other words he would be the exact opposite of my first husband. OMG that was terrible I am so going to go meditate now.

Sorry for being late girl



It depends a lot on the person. I don't know you very much, but... are you afraid that he might look you down because you don't share his beliefs, or that he might try to push his religion on you?

If I were in your place, I would give this person a try. Go out in a date with him, see how good he is as a person (which for me is the most important thing of all) and check if you would want to be his girlfriend (I wouldn't force the religion talk on the first date, just talk about it only if it comes naturally, you know how it goes). And if you don't, then don't. Nobody's forcing you to marry him anyways.

Well, gotta sleep. Big exam tomorrow and I'm posting here at midnight . Good luck girl!

Hey Star, For me it wouldl depend on how religious are we talking, and how serious of a relationship we are building...and how flexable the guy is....it could be fun also ...

truthfully for me at first I would have to be attracted on some level to the person , be it his mind or physical essence or persona, it sounds as if perhaps you arent ..nice guy but not your type...

IMO any relationship 'can work' if one is willing to work towards a win win for all involved . IMO compromise creates harmony this is the key to any successful relationship including kids ( this is why I have great kids and marriage i think i am willing to compromise, therefore they are also... ). Humor also can bridge any difference IMO ....you gotta be able to laugh and not take anything to seriously with me ..tee hee....

On the other hand i do not see you as unconditional just cautious and thinking things through.....

I think, in some instances, differences of religion doesn't really matter. It depends on the individual. I've been in relationships with people of other religions, and it didn't work out too well because they loved to "pick" on my religion. . .but I could see how being with a tolerant person of another religion could work. You could always "try him out". . .maybe he'll be alright. If not, I'm sure he's adult enough (or I hope he is) so that if it doesn't work out then he'll understand where you are coming from.

Red Sox. Religious differences fade into insignificance.

Good luck, star .

Thank you all so much you guys are the best! So the update is I do not feel guilty nor am I examining my decision on that matter any longer. After reading some of all of your words and thinking about it all I feel I did the right thing. Myself and religion do not meld at all and although I have friends of many faiths and no faiths at all I made the choice not to have another intimate partner who is religious and I feel just fine with my choice considering what I been through prior with a religious man. Not saying they are all alike by any means just feeling a different path is the course I should take.