There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in
the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim,
Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this
reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378
million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average
(census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million
homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he
travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7
visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household
with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the
sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute
the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been
left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on
to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is
evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be
false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are
now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5
million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means
Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the
speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made
vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per
second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per
hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego
set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not
counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no
more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could
pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or
even nine of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases
the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000
tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the
ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second
each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously,
exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms
in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26
thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the
fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of
accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be
subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa
(which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the
sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and
organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

SANTA ISN'T REAL?!?!?!?!????



WHY GOD ???! WHYYYYYYYYYY??!?!?







.....

Santa...

The Man, has just ruined my day.

Hey I was a little bit upset myself, I never imagined it would turn out this way for poor Santa.

Santa Is Magic , therefore real

Although the speed they travel at would explain rudolphs red nose

Poor Santa...

Why? This isn't the first time I've sued a mythical character for religious discrimination.


So this is only for Christians? My parents must really be confused.

fixed quote

I've read this before somewhere or something very like it. Cracks me up!

Numbers hurt my brian, but it sure is cool to look at them once someone else has done all the hard calculating work!

But yeah, Santa's magic so nooo problem. He even has time to be spotted by kids, and kiss a few moms.

Santa claus was real he sue to sneak in to peoples hosue and give them presents only in the village though he was more of a figure

That was great. Actually, one of my best friends was told by his dad that santa wasn't real in that same manner. His dad is an engineer.

This is totally wrong!! We never say that there is only one Santa

When I was little, (just after the dinosaurs became extinct! ), my Granny used to tell us that Santa Clause (or Saint Nicholas if you prefer the english) was the Christians' name for Oberon , the King of the faery-folk. Hence freezing time et al is a piece of cake!

thats it, ruin a childhood dream.
lol. i saw this on TV once (quite late at night)

I agree with santa clause being an elf and having the ability to stop time.

This was by far the funniest post I've read here.

But if Santa isn't real why do the weather guys always get him on radar on Christmas Eve?

ok,you forgot that lots of kids today do not believe in Santa sooo,that takes quite a few kids off santas list.Next some countries stay pitch black all day in winter,that gives him extra time.Finally parents do tons of the work for him,pretending to be santa clause and would freak if their kids woke up to gifts they did not recognize,especially with all the terrorism.if my kids tried to open a gift that "mysteriously " appeared i would call 911 and scream for everyone to get out of the house.So the reighndeer can take their time now,whose to say he diddn't keep up with modern technology anyway,santa only has to visit poor homes now whose parents cannot affard gifts,or have no charity.Places that he doesn't have to waste time eating cookies because there are none.isn't that the whole purpose of santa clause?to give to those with nothing?

Why u gotta diss santa "The Man".... lol im sure every UM memeber can go with me when i say this... I believe in the Spirit of Santa Claus.. but not that he rides around the world and delivers presents all night.. but the spirit exsists DAMN U!!!!! lol

there is a father christmas.. THERE IS......... *sobs*
and there are fairies too, so start clapping your hands. and dont point either, cos you poke holes in the air and the fairies get sucked through them (plus its rude)

I remember distinctly when my 2 older Sisters showed me proof that there was no Santa - I was only 6 - so sad! Thanks for reminding us all of the true meaning - The Spirit of Christmas!

I just got off of the phone with my Mom, and she assured me that you all don't know what you are talking about. Santa is real, I even saw him in some movies. You people really scared me!!!!!!!

Santa isn't one person he is long been dead. in the beggining of santa claus he could travel to all the houses b/c not that many people knew about him but after his fame grew he started his own company called SANTA CLAUS INC. with DOZENS of santas flying around the world now to deliever presents. Santa claus inc. is an equal opprotunity employer as we see in the dutch beliefs of santa. the company is currently in a legal battle with Microsoft over the patent of tracking technology used in the good/ bad list. Santa inc. also apologizes to Jesse Jackson on the past remarks about Kwanza

That means that I don’t have to be good this year!

I’ve wanted to press that button all year!

Guy's.....
I was having a realy bad day until i read this thread, thank you, you have made my day..
LONG LIVE SANTA!!!!!!!!!!

lol........but that thing bout how fast he moves would be why people dont really see him.... he wouldnt even be a blur....and you said the force would turn him in to a blob of pink goop.....maybe thats what the people have wrong.......lol.... Maybe he IS a blob of pink goop.....!!!!!!like hes a ball of plasma that shoots round the world giving gifts and MAKING CROP CIRCLES!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys! Santa is real? Right? Haha

Im sorry all, Santa's dead
Heres the story, of how it all went down....

santa isnt real???? then who was eating the cookies and drinking milk i left out?

i did take over for a while

notice for a couple of years you didnt get good presents?

@ Janiel. My little guy better have good ones underneath the tree this year

If you figured this out on your own, you have way too much time on your hands.

dont worry, only my friends got the good stuff

In reading this thread I have decided that some people have WAY too much time on their hands

The CoOkie monster who else?