Hi All

I have this really big relationship problem which I dont know how to solve.
The circumstances of what happened as I will explain shortly mean I have a huge mountain to climb if I am to ever get the girl.
I haven't a clue how I am going to do this or even if its possible.
Please help!!!

The Circumstances
Ok, 3 months ago I changed my job and I left behind this woman who for ease of reference I will call Lisa. Now me and Lisa had never got on at all. Never ever.
From my own side I had taken a dislike to her because she was often abrupt with me and tried to boss me around. It made me feel hate towards her and caused conflict between us.

Then I noticed her gazing at me one day across the canteen table and I realised she liked me. However I hated her and if I'm honest the gazing made me take the micky even more out of her behind her back.

Anyway a few months later I was a little bit naughty. She was abrupt one day, mixed about me because I wouldnt help her due to this and I heard it. I thought I'd get her back and I did. I sent a nasty email message to her social networking site. It was a private message but still I told her I hated the way she talked to me, lots of insults like she's fat and ugly, and I told her I hated her because she was the b word. Obviously she was upset about it. It worked however her attitude disappeared but she was just sat there crying about it.

She told her mates at work and sent my email to them so they were giving me a hard time. One of them sent me an email telling me I should apologise and I sent an email around the whole team which I got done for telling him where to go. I got a verbal for bringing personal matters into work.

Anyway she still liked me and I even heard her say how she loved me to the person sat next to her. I just ignored it. Then the company was going down the drain because of hard times and I got made redundent. I got brought back for a little bit but the company conituned to do bad so I left.

Unfortuanely I now realise I love her. I've not seen her in 3 months but she's stil lthere on my social networking site. Do I speak to her?
What do I do?

I hate to be the one who crawls...but this really isnt the place to post advice. A blog is more suited for this.

In relation to your problem, just apologise for you're mistake...but if you really think that it didnt work in the first place then its probabally best to move on, not just for you're sake but hers.

What the hell does this have to do with the United States presidential election?

Moved to a more apropriate section.

in how many words you would like me to reply to your post?????????

Go on...

well make a hint to her...wait for her after work -supposedly- to talk about the naughty email and 'how much weight you have in your consciousness'.

tell her that now that you've gone you would like to say 'sorry' (ye right...), and depart as a friends. make a move to leave first (but hey ......make it with a style...watch a love movie to get some ideas you know.....)

IF she likes you before you say 'bye' she will make the first move

trust me auntie saturnrings knows her stuff....

lemme know*

So I'm going to send her an email out of the blue saying I still think about what happened back then.

I'm going to tell her that I'm not happy with how things were left and now that I've gone I'd like to say sorry that I upset you.

Then I'm clueless about how to get her to jump in and say wait.

well son use your imagination i cannot give you the steps.....

send an email to begin with or ask a mate who knows her to tell her.

DONT say to much in either case , wait to see each other face to face and then let it out bit by bit........just been yourself its enuff...just 'play out' the 'lets talk' bit you get me????

never say to much ....less is more

In my quick opinion of what little you wrote, I am not convinced that you are ready for a relationship and instead of worrying about this girl I would work a bit on interpersonal relationships...

Hope you understand

lol...let him learn bet he is about 18.....( oh my he is gonna bollock me now)

(saturnrings hidding under her desk)

Naughty? This is naughty? No, this is down right childish bullying is what it is. Do you really think that saying your sorry for insulting her and hurting her badly (to the point where she was crying) will get her to like you? I think you have really screwed up if she was smart she wouldn't have anything at all to do with you. I really do not think you have a chance but if it would ease you conscience I'd say to drop her a note saying that what you did was a very childish thing for you to do and that you were sorry. Do not expect anything to come of it because I highly doubt it will help any but at least it may help with your conscience. I know from experience, I said I was sorry once for something I did back when I was alot younger to someone (who was my friend before I did this). Yeah, let's just say she blamed me for something else that went wrong in her life about that time that I had nothing to do with nor could I have stopped. It didn't turn out to good at all in the end.

If you must clear your conscience, do it. Write her a note of apology. It's the right thing to do anyway.

Now, do you have any women in your life right now? Is it possible that you don't really love this girl, but are just lonely and beginning to think of her because she is the one who carried a torch for you? And now you think, hey, at least she was interested...maybe I should give it a go?

A problem that will probably occur if you do get together is, she might always keep bringing up the things you did to her which could make the relationship a tense one.

I dont no what i would do.

I think as there was conflict between us in the first place we clearly dont go together.

I will find myself a woman who is low maintenance instead as thinking about it I dont want to be with a woman like that.

mmmh don't worry.. aunt Bill hill is here... putting the agony in agony aunt...

well, it seems complicated...but I think overall, sometimes these women are so easy,
Sometimes these women are so cold. Sometimes these women seem to rip you right in two,
but only if you let 'em get to you.

....oh..........ok

Eh, feelings don't matter much when you are not aware of them nor in control either.
You both seem to be, or have been using the other to test and explore your own/her own feelings and what to do with them. Keep up the good work and unless you are wealthy try not to get her pregnant as I pay enough taxes.

Goon idea, Just think about love at 1st sight. You and her hated each other from the start.
I think it would be too akward to start a relationship, it probably wouldnt feel right.

I think its best to find a new woman, If your not absolutley sure she probably isn't the one for you.

Just leave her alone. You said really mean things to her its been 3 months past since she has seen you so let it go. I think as someone else posted your lonley you really dont love her. If you did love her you would not have taken this rute.

Yeh like ASOP if you really did love her it would take alot more pursuading to make you change your mind, or you probably wouldin't.

You decided pretty quickly that she isn't the lady you loved and that does show alot.

Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing sounds like a Spanish novella mixed up with an episode of the English version of "The Office"??

I'm not sure why she even loves you after you told her she was a fat, ugly B word! Sounds to me like there really isn't anything to be done about it. You messed it up and it's probably best to leave well enough alone.

good point but the person has to learn.....
about your taxes....oh lol....true

I pay more than most in taxes.

hope this doesn't mean that 'you have to have' a child does it??

Nope not till Im married.

Not healthy... find another fish.

gosh am i old...

it seems to me that you two are not suited to each other...


I never did get the if one treats you bad it means they like you, or vice versa...I have always felt this is ignorace in relationship awareness and skills....

I 'd say that you are in the early stages of understanding the dynamics in a relationship and have much to learn...


try and connect good loving feelings with the object of your affections use this as your guage of when to move forward....
somehow telling another i called you names and told you were fat and ugly because i love you just doesn't speak of love IMO.........

for the sake of practicality .it is a much miore fruitful place to build a relationship if you like the person and seek to share kind loving emails and words..........

what can you say except you were a creep and there is no excuse or justtification for such treatment IMO...and perhaps you should approach it as whatever it takes to show her that a huge mistake was made and you have learned something very valuable like how to treat others with respect regardless.... but wedding bells I don't think so.....

somehow humble groveling comes to mind at this point...

OMG. A man after my own heart!!! Mr Stradlin knows the score!

My two cents would be to contact her and apologise for being a ****. And leave it be. You'll feel better and she will have the apology she deserves.

Move on.

yeah I agree, just apologise.. and say that the reason why you were out of order was in fact because you actually liked her.
She'll understand. She'll either like it or hate it... but at least you're being yourself,
Without out sounding partronising that's all you can be.



hehe
love em.

While I read that I was wondering if you're serious or not. So lets see if i understood well. You guys didn't like each other, you hated her, she hated you...but no she actually loved you. You on the other hand, hated her even more and called her names making her feeling like a failure. But somehow after 3 months you realized you love her.

I mean...are you kidding?

Sorry but i just feel this is really not good...not at all. It's just sounds like an episode out of 'Beautiful'.
Forget about the love thing, because it's just not there, just send her an email and apologize for being rude and childish. That's the best thing you can do, IMO.