* Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
* Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
* Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
* Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
* Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
* Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
* Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
* Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
* Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. (my dog needs to learn this one!)
* Dear God,
May I have my testicles back?
