1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
10. What do you call male ballerinas?
11. Can blind people see their dreams?
12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'
15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
20. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Full Version: MYSTERIES OF LIFE
They're funny 
but I'm compelled to try and answer them.
but I'm compelled to try and answer them.| QUOTE |
| 1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? |
They looked at the female anatomy, then at the cow anatomy, saw a calf drinking it, and then used it for babies in such cases as the mother died or couldn't produce milk. Later on older people started drinking it.
| QUOTE |
| 2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat? |
My father eats it that way...
| QUOTE |
| 3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? |
Your breath smells, the fresh air doesn't.
| QUOTE |
| 4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him? |
"Feed corn (the kind grown to be fed to farm animals) is different from the corn you would buy at the grocery store. It's hard and brittle and is usually broken into smaller pieces (cracked) to make it easier to mix with other feed grains. The song refers to a boy busy at work cracking corn. The narrator doesn't care because "the master's gone away", i.e. there's nobody around to make me help Jimmy crack the damn corn, so to hell with him and his goodie-two-shoes corn cracking. Why does Jimmy continue to crack the corn? Presumably to stay on the master's good side. Why write a song about it? The same reason anybody writes a song about anything. To convey an emotion, in this case the joy of getting the day off work while that stupid Jimmy sits there cracking corn like a brown-noser."
-http://www.stupidquestionsanswered.com/answered/jimmy.htm
| QUOTE |
| 5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? |
No, a man got a ticket for trying with 4 cadavers in the car. It's illegal.
| QUOTE |
| 6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? |
The professor is deathly afraid of holes. You see, when hee was a young boy, he fell through the hole in an outhouse, and was stuck there for some time.
| QUOTE |
| 7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? |
The analogy doesn't fit. You see, you wear a wristwatch but you don't wear your crotch.
| QUOTE |
| 8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? |
Most people are the most embarassed when someone is in a room with them while they undress.
| QUOTE |
| 9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! |
You see, goofy is actually a low-intelligence breed of a rare dog, name canidobipedal. This allows him to walk in a bipedal manner.
| QUOTE |
| 10. What do you call male ballerinas? |
"Ballerina" is not gender specific; they are ballerinas too.
| QUOTE |
| 11. Can blind people see their dreams? |
Yes, but if you have been blind since birth, you will have absurd visions with no meaning whatsoever.
| QUOTE |
| 12. Why ARE Trix only for kids? |
Everything but kids are allergic to it.
| QUOTE |
| 13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? |
First of all, he owns acme, so everything is free. Secondly, he is masochistic.
| QUOTE |
| 14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?' |
"Giving gifts to one's broker might be justifiable from an etymological point of view because the word broker may be connected through its Anglo-Norman source, brocour, abrocour, with Spanish alboroque, meaning “ceremony or ceremonial gift after the conclusion of a business deal.” If this connection does exist, “business deal” is the notion shared by the Spanish and Anglo-Norman words because brocour referred to the middleman in transactions. The English word broker is first found in Middle English in 1355, several centuries before we find instances of its familiar compounds pawnbroker, first recorded in 1687, and stockbroker, first recorded in 1706." - www.dictionary.com
| QUOTE |
| 15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? |
Quizzical as a word, means to induce puzzlement. If both the test and the quiz are hard, then they both are quizzical.
| QUOTE |
| 16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong? |
Clarify the question, are their flowers? And animals? Both of those can be female.
| QUOTE |
| 17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? |
Man is naturally curious. We want to find out things for ourselves, but only what is in our power to solve. In esscence, when you touch that paint, you are exploring. You are a modern day Magellen.
| QUOTE |
| 18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? |
Electricity doesn't come from electrons, it is electrons. The question is invalid as a noun cannot be a non-noun.
| QUOTE |
| 19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? |
It is quite possible but we will need further analyzation to verify.
| QUOTE |
| 20. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune? |
They weren't going to make up a new tune just for the alphabet, it would be absurd.
This made me smile
hehe
Let's give a BIG hand of applause for that lengthy list of Things That Make Ya Go Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Ya got me!
Ya got me!
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