"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." -Homer

I believe there are miracles happening even when I can't see them.
~Unknown.

" The only reason I get any women at all is because of who Iam, A Rapist"

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Might as well die, if I can't fly. - Punchinello Beezo, Life Expectency by Dean Koontz

"Black holes are when God divided by zero."

Stephen Wright

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
~George Carlin

Just found this one, loved it, and stuck it in my sig.


H.P.Lovecraft - The Call of Cthulhu.

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. "

So true.

Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes arise from the depths of our being: "Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?" ~Madame Swetchine

"Any man who understand's the Irish, can't be reckoned altogether bad."

Anthony Newly ... Doctor Doolittle

The opportunity for brotherhood presents itself every time you meet a human being.
~Jane Wyman.

" I finaly figured out why people sweat when making love.... So they dont catch fire"

~Richard Pryor



this and the rodney dangerfield post seem like jokes, I did hear them say these things in interviews , not on stage. I wil not use semi jokes again. Sorry if it does not fit in thread.

In the same manner as Chunga above, here is a "quote" from George Burns that crax me up everytime!

"Sex after ninety is like shooting pool with a rope."


Edit: This stupid computer keeps doing exactly what I tell it to do instead of what I want it to do!

"You can take them out fo the trailer park, but you can't tkae the trailer park out of them..."

have no idea who said it ....no pune intent to trailer park residents....

^
|

Hillary Clinton!

He who angers you conquers you.
~Elizabeth Kenny

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."

- Paul Beatty

There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
~Booker T. Washington

"Like I told my first wife, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides, it's all in the reflexes."

~Jack Burton......Big Trouble In Little China

You better wake up. The world you live in is a sugar-coated topping. There is another world - beneath it, the real world. And if you want to survive it, you better learn to pull the trigger.
~ Blade

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

- Bertrand Russell

"Some people have wings and some people don't have wings, and that's the problem."
--Bubba

"Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall!"

Ronald Reagan at the Brandenburg Gate, 12 June 1987.

Full text of the speech.

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
-Voltaire

Take me to your beaver- A shirt I saw

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.
~William Arthur Ward.

"There are two kinds of people in the world....So save your money" (Comedian I had heard years ago and forgot his name.)

" Faulk is a right nice town, til the sun goes down"

~Narrator.....The Legend Of Boggy Creek

Death solves all problems - no man, no problem.
~Joseph Stalin

"Say CJ, you ganna crash the car again?"
Ryder

" It was like kissing a fish"

~Tony Curtis....... referring to the kissing scene from Some Like It Hot with Marilyn Monroe

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
- Rita Rudner

Fear is what our own perception cannot understand; Our perception is a very minor part of our own existence.
~Sarah

I believe there are miracles happening even when I can't see them.
~Unknown.

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?"
- Laurence J. Peter

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.
~Edna Buchanan.

That the MIB have come and taken back all the stuff you took from area 51.

Trouble is a sieve through which we sift our acquaintances. Those too big to pass through are our friends.
~Arlene Francis.

"Take your best shot, it isn't like a gun or a bullet or anything.." - P-Flack

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.
~Jennie Jerome Churchill

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
~Edith Wharton.

God will never put you in a situation you can't handle, but you can definately put yourself in a situation you can't handle.

"What if when you're in jail you're father dies bra? You Don't want that. Also when you're in jail there are guys that have been in there fo 30, 40,50 years. Make sure you lay on your back call all those guys see is ASS! Trust me, I've been there bra".
- "Dog" The Bounty Hunter

"Tombstones don't talk back"
-Leland Chapman(Dog's son)

a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out
-Walter Winchell

" Compromise is the art of cutting the cake so everyone believes he or she got
the largest piece"

~Lucille Koeplin

“But the average person doesn't have that much imagination. They just want to be entertained. They want to have the tableau presented for them. They don't want to participate beyond a certain point. They want the safety of the herd, to be catered to, sit back and enjoy.”

- Anton LaVey

" Your never in the dark when you see the light of day."

~Clara Leagle

"Beauty maybe skin deep, but ugly is to the bone..." lol

"A homie would bail you out of jail, but a juggalo's homie would be sitting next to you saying, 'man, we screwed up!"

"Common sense ain't too common after all..." << Forgot

"That's why I hang out with you, Dylan. Sure, you piss me off, you're annoying, and you can't seem to tell a pencil from a [explicit deleted], but it's those little things you say that make me smile." << Kellie (friend who sadly goes to another school now

"I would rather live my live as if there were a God, and die knowing that there isn't, then live my life as if there wasn't a God, and die knowing there is."<<Nxt2hvn,

"Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'."
- Michael McClary

"England and America are two countries separated by a common language."
- George Bernard Shaw

"The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
- Ronald Reagan

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
- Douglas Adams