whats the funniest/ most endearing/ helpful/ interesting thing youve heard all day!

cos it might just brighten someone elses day too!

my first one is this woman who just opened a shop next to me said today:

'i used to work in a tranny shop, and boy did my eyes get opened!'

this made me laugh, cos you just never think youll know anyone who worked in a tranny shop!

my dad said "they put a chip in my brain...but it was only a pringle, so it just really f***ed me up"

Ric Flair once said " To be The Man , You gotta Beat The Man"

its not funny, but its cool...

DON'T TRUST ANYBODY

Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty

Lao Tzu:

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

Here the quote for today is...haha comes from Lloyd Bank$- I'm down for a one night stand...just remember I'm not yo man!

ok this one was said by my grandfather

~here I sit, broken hearted, paid a penny and only farted~

I have many quotations, but the one which had the most effect on me was one posted here on the forum a long time ago (forget who by and who said it originally) but here it is...

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..."

"God gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time"

- Robin Williams

WWE Commercial
"Only those foolish enough to chase their dreams are the ones who catch them"

i think I got that right

another one from my grandfather

~Would you think me rude, if I inquired about some food~

You Grandfather sounds like a bit of a joker DG

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood.

------ chineese Proverb

Destiny has two ways of crushing us -- by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them ~ Henri Frederic Amiel.

...there have been, and there will be again, many destructions of mankind arising out of many causes. -- Plato's dialogues.

Kinda morbid, but true.

QUOTATION: He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future
Quevedo

I recieved a Message on my cell phone from my Girlfriend :

Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
1)Pray, so that u may live...
2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!

How could I forget this one "What don't kill ya makes ya stronger."

"I can't fight the Seether!!!"

from the veruca salt song "Seether"

{sarcasm}
this one thing my dad said a few days ago really cheered me up, because it was the day right after our independance day, and i was reminded of how truly united we are in the USA. he said, and i quote directly:

"Opinions are like assholes.... we all have one and they all stink"

Very aplicable for any kind of forum

I believe the actual saying is "Opinions are like assholes, we all have one."

Laws, Codes, Rules, Hearts, and Records were meant to be broken, it's only just a mater of time.

nope, the original was definantly with the stinky part on the end.

I've got some quotes; to see them...

LOOK...at my signature.

All for the price of £2.00.

"What doesn't kill me makes me yellow." ----me, when I was attacked by small children with highlighters.

A look into how my mother's brain works when driving:"I've been tempted to. . . ooh, a terrarium. . . . I've been tempted to. . . terrariums were really popular back in the day. . . . I've. . . . I can't remember what I was saying. . ."

From babyforrest's siggy: "Sarchasm: the space between the person using sarcasm and the person who just doesn't get it."

sarcasm is my way of life, and lately, people havent been quite getting it.

"Um...could you re-word that with less words?" - My mate Laura being confused

Life is how you perceive it. ~ MC

You get what everybody gets ~ you get a life time.

Success comes before work... only in the dictionary

"Zej, I was going to tell you something about. . . . . something. Damn, there it went!"- my friend, the Queen of One-Liners

"I'll pay you back! Of course I'll pay you back! I'm good like that! I'm like a dog! *pause* Who pays people back. *frowning pause* Quickly."- Queen of One Liners

"What's PHP?"
-Anonymous

Here's one:

Remeber you only get one bullet a day for annoying people use it wisely. That's from my mom.
Oh and my profile quote too.

"I'm not holding a grudge against the guy, It's just that I wanna get even with him." - Evil Knieval

It must be jelly 'cause jam don't jiggle like that - My old boss over coffee this morning

The jiggling made me laugh (in my silent, I'm at work sorta way.)

"You know you're in trouble when your Swiffer box needs dusting. . . ."- My mother on home care

"Okay, somewhere in this house. . . . oh, there they are! Nevermind."- Again, my mother, trying to find things in her house

My mom says some funny, random things.

@ serenity

Don't piss me off- I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Be all that you can be in the Corner Pub!!!!

The Police Officer who taught my concealed handgun class:


Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!"

Not exactly sure came up with it >> but I LOVE IT!!!

No, james, you can't sleep in the wardrobe - no one is allowed to sleep in upside-down wardrobes! - My sister talking in her sleep a while ago

You can go clear arcoss the world and not find a better Beer than Samuel Adams, always a good decision.

Your mind is like a parachute - works best when open