Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums

Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums > Other > General Off-Topic Discussion > Jokes & Humour

Kazi

Jul 9 2004, 01:57 AM

Never hear a man say
Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say:

1. Here honey, you use the remote.

2. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

3. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

4. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

5. Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?

6. Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?

7. Aww, forget Monday night football, Let's watch Melrose Place.

8. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.

9. We never talk anymore.

I know, only nine, but that's all I could come up with, but here's something for the ladies:

Never hear women say
Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say

1. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

2. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

3. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!

4. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!

5. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

6. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

7. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.

Aww hell, only seven. Oh well . . .

tendo

Jul 10 2004, 11:20 AM

but...but...ive said most of the top ones, and my gf has said 3 of the bottom...lol

Nordic_Dragon

Jul 10 2004, 11:50 AM

QUOTE (tendo @ Jul 10 2004, 12:20 PM)

and my gf has said 3 of the bottom...lol

i hope one of them isnt "What do you mean today's our anniversary?" seeing today is your anniversary!!

Fluffybunny

Jul 10 2004, 12:17 PM

QUOTE

but that's all I could come up with

Once again, you didn't come up with this stuff...it has been floating around on the internet for quite some time...

I see a trend here...

Coming up with informational posts can be quite difficult at times, I am sure your thumb and forefinger are exhausted. Allow me to offer my assistance in the matter, feel free to use these Kazi Research Tools(TM) as you see fit:

Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V
Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V

A few pointers:

1. Never give credit where credit is due. It is always your original thought. No one else reads anything, and will never catch on, no matter how well known the material may be. If you can Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V it is legally your material.

2. Deny ever copying and pasting any material ever. Even when your 23 page response is posted two minutes after a question is asked...Keep saying that you typed it yourself(Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V is typing in a way), and have never copied anything from another site.

3. When proof of copying and pasting is presented, continue to deny any wrongdoing! Present horribly flawed argument about odds and the results of a million monkeys with a million typewriters. Even when the material is proven to be word for word the same with the same formatting and punctuation, continue to deny any wrongdoing; remember no one else reads anything on the internet, you can never get caught!

4. Maintain a high level condescension at all times when confronted with charges of plagiarism. Tell people that they are not ready for your material(You did copy and paste it, it is your material). Remember smugness implies authority over a matter. Heavy use of the “roll eyes” emoticon works well in this situation.

5. Never go through the effort of creating an original thought when someone else has already done all of the hard work. A thousand Ctrl-C...Ctrl-V’s are far better than any original, inspired, creative, or critical thoughts.

I hope this helps.

Nordic_Dragon

Jul 10 2004, 01:06 PM

eish Kazi

tendo

Jul 10 2004, 01:10 PM

QUOTE

i hope one of them isnt "What do you mean today's our anniversary?" seeing today is your anniversary!!

haha, no...she said 5 6 and 7... and, ive said all of em on top, with just a few differences...like, no melroes place, and not a wallpaper store, and not to pick out shoes, and i love interview with a vampire, but not becuz those 2 are in it...

o, and especially #2...me no likey big ones...no offense to n e of the well endowed on the forum tho...

Nordic_Dragon

Jul 10 2004, 01:19 PM

QUOTE (tendo @ Jul 10 2004, 02:10 PM)

#2...me no likey big ones

im very happy to see that guys like you ACTUALLY EXIST!! all hope isnt lost for people like me after all!!

Janiel

Jul 11 2004, 04:03 AM

i've said most of the top ones...hmmm does that only apply to like steriotypical men or something...

Seraphina

Jul 11 2004, 11:33 AM

You know Fluffy, I gotta say, if this kinda joke is hopelessly rehashed and done to death, I think we all owe you a debt of gratitude for making it worth reading

tendo

Jul 11 2004, 01:31 PM

haha, yeah, guys like me exist...if its n e thing bigger than a small C, im not interested...i mean, i dont hold it against that person, and it wouldnt stop me from having feelings for them if i did...but, i just prefer smaller...u know what they say...'n e thing more than a handful is a waste'

j/k and yeah, janielsen...im thinkin its only for the stereotypical...

and, of course the small breasted girls in the world have hope...ppl think gwen stefani...well, i shouldnt say that...i hear her boobs actually started growing, and shes now proudly graduated up to an A!!

Nordic_Dragon

Jul 11 2004, 03:35 PM

QUOTE (tendo @ Jul 11 2004, 02:31 PM)

j/k

woohoo!! im a happy girl!!

Pyro Pheenix

Jul 11 2004, 03:44 PM

the top ones are thngs you would not here me say. the bottom..... well i have said most of them.

RulerOfSquirrels

Jul 12 2004, 09:51 AM

I don't like diamonds that much, I would never spend $300 for any clothing item, and I prefer to trust my sense of direction...actually, I'd probably say most of the things you'd 'never hear a woman say.'

This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.