1. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
2. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
6. Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
7. I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
10. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
11. My kid had sex with your honor student.
12. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
14. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
15. God must love stupid people, he made so many.
16. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17. It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
18. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
19. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
20. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
21. I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
22. Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself!
23. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
24. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
25. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
26. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
27. CAT: The other white meat.
28. Beer: The reason I get up each afternoon
29. I'm out of bed and dressed: What more do you want?
30. Remember my name: You'll be screaming it later.

QUOTE

29. I'm out of bed and dressed: What more do you want?

Welcome to my world!