A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD WHEN HE
NOTICED A FARMER STANDING IN A LARGE FIELD...THE
FARMER WASN'T DOING ANYTHING..HE WAS JUST
STANDING THERE..CURIOUS, THE MAN STOPPED HIS
CAR AND TOOK THE WALK OVER TO THE FARMER
AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING..THE FARMER
REPLIED "I'M TRYING TO WIN A NOBEL PRIZE" "HOW
DO YOU EXPECT TO DO THAT" THE MAN ASKED..THE
FARMER REPLIED "I HEARD THEY ONLY GIVE IT TO
PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT STANDING IN THEIR FIELD"

A MAN WAS SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY ..WHEN HE
NOTICED A COP WITH HIS LIGHTS AND SIREN GOING BEHIND
HIM...HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF "I CAN OUTRUN THIS GUY"
SO HE SPEEDS UP..70MPH..80MPH..90MPH..WITH THE COP
STILL RIGHT BEHIND HIM HE GAVE UP AND PULLED OVER
THE COP CAME UP TO HIS CAR AND SAID "LISTEN MISTER
I'VE HAD A REALLY LOUSY DAY, IF YOU GIVE ME A GOOD
EXCUSE FOR YOUR SPEEDING I'LL LET YOU GO" TO THIS
THE MAN REPLIED "THREE WEEKS AGO MY WIFE RAN
OFF WITH A POLICE MAN, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HIM, TRYING TO GIVE HER BACK"..

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR WITH A CROCODILE
AND A CHICKEN, AND SAYS TO THE(PUZZLED)
BARTENDER,"ILL HAVE A MARTINI.
THE CROCODILE LOOKS UP AND
SAYS"ILL HAVE A BEER"
THE NOW IMPRESSED BARTENDER REPLIES
"THATS AMAZING I NEVER SAW A CROCODILE
THAT COULD TALK"
THE MAN RESPONDS"HE DIDNT,
THE CHICKEN'S A VENTRILOQUIST