8am - the president of the united states (POTUS) rises, checks to see if he is still in the white house.

8:30am- Breakfast in bed. Rumsfeld reads him horoscope and comic strip.

9am - "Co-Prsident" Cheney stops by to help George get dressed, goes over situation in Yemen, reminds George to brush his teeth.

9:30am - POTUS leaves oval office, greets secretary.

9:35am - POTUS leaves oval office to go work out in white house gym.

11am - masage and pedicure

Noon - lunch with baseball commisioner bud selig. Selig confirms still no job open in fron office.

1am - Nap

2:30pm - photo op with little league team of the day.

3pm - POTUS back in oval office to discuss legislation with members of congress

3:05pm - meeting adjourns; congressmen tell press, " meeting was very fruitful. The president told us to get some laws passed,' and then he had us shag balls on the south lawan."

3:10pm - Cheney briefs POTUS on energy policy, tells Junior Bush to "send thank-you notes" to heads of oil companies.

3:12pm - POTUS asks to see map of the world; seems suprised by " how big the world has gotten."

3:40 pm - POTUS has memorized all 191 captals in less than half an hour.

3:44pm - bush calls prime minister of Romania " just because i can"; challenges Romanian prime minister to name capital of Burma; prime minister cannot understand a word he is saying, as POTUS is speaking in Spanish.

3:58pm - POTUS accepts collect call from Austin jail. POTUS offspring being held for desecrating portrait of POTUS as governor that hangs in state capitol building. POTUS pretends he has a bad connection, impersonates voice of a Mexican women who has "cut in " on the call, then hangs up. Is heard to say, "shes a chip off the ol' block."

4pm - work day ends; POTUS retires to living quarters for brief "catnap."

6pm - state dinner with african heads of state. Tells Cheney he " can't think about Africa right now - it's the 'Dark Continent,' you know!" POTUS asks Co-president to sit in for him.

6:05pm - POTUS goes for swim in white house pool.

7pm - Phone call to Laura at Texas ranch ('just checking in")

7:02pm - POTUS goes to white house screening room; watches Dave (again); falls asleep.

8:30pm - Cheney awakens POTUS, takes him to his room, tucks him in, says good night. CO-POTUS goes downstairs and resumes plotting destruction of Planet Earth.

Sounds like my kind of day.