What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in
winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting
nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think,
would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you
probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a
medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will
never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the
back.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us
who do.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a
fork and imagine him in jail.

There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug
colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go
figure.

There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the
wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the
statue

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition
results in promotion to a job you can't do.

Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep
under your desk.

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
ability.

Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
tomorrow.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and
never quit are idiots.

Remember the 3 golden rules:
1. It was like that when I got here.
2. I didn't do it.
3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my
footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR !!!

Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on
than illumination.

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or
just half of someone elses?

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time,
well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was
just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the
bin without reading them.

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day
in the average office.
____________

QUOTE

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

Welcome to my world once again.

QUOTE (The Council of Nine @ Feb 18 2003, 09:20 AM)

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

I don't trust anyone, let alone take advice from someone, who starts his sentences with "Hi-Ho".

QUOTE

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

I think that Quote sums up quite a few of us

QUOTE

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

Sounds like a Homer Simpson quote to me.... it is true tho.