It makes a smokescreen that even James Bond would envy
knocking in the engine is tapping out SOS in morse code
It burns more oil than gas
One of your wheels suddenly decides to pass you
You look up the blue book value and all that is listed is "I'm sorry"
Car thieves break in and leave money
There's more duct tape than metal on it
Bungee cord holding the trunk closed is the most expensive repair it's had.
You park your car on the curb and get ticketed for littering
It creaks and whines, and you haven't even started it up yet
Moves in much the same way as the Flintstone's cars
Blinking dashboard sign saying: For the love of God,gimme an $%^*ing oil change
Gears 1-5 busted, and reverse is starting to go.
Starting it is a 12 step process that includes a handcrank and a screwdriver
Primer color with a duck-tape interior
Your parts budget is greater than the car is worth
Even the repo guy won't touch it.
Had to add a funnel inside the car to add oil while you drive.
It lies on its back with all four wheels in the air.
The air freshener is the only thing that isn't cracked, smashed, or torn
as you turn the key, a piston shoots thru the hood.
Burning engine parts start coming through the hood
You leave the keys in overnight, the next day a note on it says "No thanks."
You're seriously considering going 25 in the fast lane "just for kicks"
There is more rust than paint on it
You bring it in to get it fixed, and the mechanic just laughs at you.
7 to 10% of the car is missing and presumed lost to the void
It starts shaking violently when it goes over 40mph
Junkyards don't even want it
when trading it in the salesman raises the price of the new car
You buy oil by the barrel
You say a little prayer every time you try to start it
It comes home late at night with a hangover and its clothes ripped

what about "you cant turn left, else the left wheel will fall off". thats what happened to my friends car

when i was 5 years old, my Dad had such a piece of crap car that i had the duty of keeping my little brother from falling through the rusted out hole in the passenger seat floorboard. we would sit and watch the highway racing beneath our feet as we drove along