As you board the plane, you find the "Occupied" sign is up on your "private cabin."

Every time you get back from a sightseeing excursion, Mr. Blix demands to know if you found anything.

"Alabamastan" ain't really a country in Eastern Europe.

It turns out that Cawker City, Kansas, only has the world's *second* largest ball of twine!!!

Your "singles" cruise turns out to be a cargo ship full of Kraft American cheese slices.

On your descent into Auckland, you catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge.

You've driven halfway around New Zealand and have yet to see a single Hobbit.

Your Turkish tour guide says, "On your left you see my ping-pong table. Now I KISS YOU!!!"

Getting repeatedly screwed by the hotel isn't what you expected when you signed up for the "Malaysian Sex Tour."

Sun? Check.
Sand? Check.
Carrying an M16 while being shouted at by a drill sergeant? Uh-oh.

You asked for a room with a view in Manhattan. You got a peep-show booth in Times Square.

The "Transylvania" tour is nothing but a visit to a Polish union town in Ohio led by a couple of Goth chicks.

You're amazed at the number of Australians who know how to yodel.

"Afghani-Disney" appears to be nothing but two guys and a real mouse.

Hey, isn't that Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio on the Lido deck?

Snow White looks real enough, but you don't remember the Elephant Man's remains being part of Disneyland.

Your "around the world" cruise involves his tongue.