Ask A Navy SEAL
---------------

By Lt. Ryan Cusper
Navy SEAL

Dear Navy SEAL,
My boyfriend was laid off from his job a few weeks back. Ever since
cashing
his severance check, all he does is sit around and watch TV while I work
to
support us both. I know unemployment has undermined his confidence, but
I'm
not his mother! How do I get him out of the house and looking for work?
--Peeved In Palmyra

Dear Peeved,
Killing silently is a tall order, but a quick look at an anatomy chart
will
show that the larynx is an easy enough target--providing you can make a
stealthy submerged approach, sneak up on your victim, and catch him
unaware. Once that's accomplished, grasp his hair as close to the scalp
as
you're able to and yank his head back while using your Ka-Bar combat
knife
to make a lateral cut across his throat. Make sure you sever both the
carotid artery and jugular vein while piercing the windpipe, and press
hard; the larynx is a tough, rubbery piece of tissue.

props of The Onion