Jump out from behind a corner and yell "Scooby Dooby Doo"

What happens when you poke an alien's eye?

it would run around screaming in pain

how does a fairy keep clean?

By blaming it all on the pixies!!

Why is the sky blue?

The sky is blue because the grass is green.

What made Big Bird so big?

Genetic engineering


Why is British weather so unpredictable

It's not, it's just we're like the Eskimos in that we have 100 words for rain.



How many aliens can fit inside a mini?

42 of course.

What happens when push comes to shove?

Someone falls down, then the media shows up, then the cops come in, then the insurance gets filed, then the lawyers are contacted... eventually someone gets sued.

(Ain't America Great? )



Who is Yassir Arrafat's next of kin?

nossir arrafat

why did the alien cross the road?

He got confused with all these road signs.



Why do Aliens like to be seen at night?

so they can save on paper bags


why do aliens have saucer shaped craft?

So they can save energy by being thrown into the air like frisbees.


What did the Thylacine (Tasmanian Tiger) say to the Dingo?

Ay Mate!


What do you get when a pig and a turtle have sex?

A pig with a turtle shell.


Why don't aliens just replace the president with a clone instead of invade?

They have a few times... look at Ronald Regan and George bush Senior and jnr



If cloning were possible... who would u want to clone?

Myself. Then maybe I could come up with half a brain.



What does a pyromaniacal hacker do best?

Burn the Keyboard.



Why does it always take 3 licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll sucker?

Cuz if you took 1 lick then bit it, you'd break your teeth.


Why are cheeto's orange when cheese is more yellow?

Cheetos tan better than cheese.



Why don't Greys have ears?

Cuz they hear with their highly advanced brains.


Why does everything seem creepier at night while lying in bed, but when you're not in bed at night, it's not creepy?

Because your not as vulnerable.




Why do people think a 2 dollar bill is a 1 dollar bill?

People like to think they're getting what they pay for.



How does one end a "civil war?"

by saying 'please' and 'thank you'.



How do you get an alien to expose himself?

Show a picture of a bare butt.


Why do the most heaviest things come in the cheapest boxes?

The packaging machines sick form of revenge. After all, you wouldn't want a heavy object on you now, would ya?


If primates could actually learn how to speak english fluently, what do you think they'd say about us humans who are trying to teach it to them?

"A little more hair and I might ask that one on a date..."


Why is whatever you lost always in the last place you look?

Cos you're looking in the wrong place...d'oh!!

Lol @ KC for:

QUOTE

by saying 'please' and 'thank you'.

Why is a circle round?

Shh U invited it didn't u?



Why are fairies so shy?

That's a ruse, they're really getting ready to take over the world!



What did the dolphin say to the Giant Squid?



(thanks LB)

Nothing...the squid swam away with a full stomach.


What would happen if a demon possessed a yeti?

It would be a Hot Time in the Old Alps tonight!




What did El Chupacabra say to Dracula after a dinner of fried chicken?

Are we going to go Dutch?



If pixies are blue and fairies are red, what colour are goblins?

White


What would you do if you found a baby yeti?

Look for a REALLLY big diaper!




Who is a doppleganger's best friend?

A clone


Who would win in a fight, a skunk ape or sasquatch?

none ,they are lovers not fighters.







What is purple and green and lives in a cave?

Purple Leprachuns (sp?)


Why does someone else always wind up using the phone when you need to make a phone call at a specific time?

It's a secret telecommunications conspiracy created by the government and
given longevity by funding from a Japanese consortium in their mysterious
underground base that also, as side projects, carries out gene therapy
experiments on human test subjects in a covert and illegal medical facility
somewhere under the Arizona deserts...


Is God fat?

SHE is a perfect rotund shape.








Is the devil horny?

He's a bloke, isn't he?


If you found an implant under your skin or in a nasal cavity, would you slip it
into your boss's pocket?

Yeah...or I'd try putting on my brother...teach that annoying little brat. Hehe...



What would you say to a real Tolkien type elf?

Hmmmm well I'd probably say "Legolas, now if you and your elf friend Aragorn can step into my office we have things to ummm discuss that might take all night.....






Why do angels have halo's?

So they can fly. The wings don't really work, they're just for decoration.


What if aliens are from the future and not space?

So what, They are still Aliens.



What was the first thing the Alien said when it landed on Earth?

HE TURNED TO HIS FRIEND AND SAID "WHY MUST THE OUTHOUSE BE SO FAR AWAY?"



wHY ARE ThEY CALLED aLIeNS?

Goober was already taken.



What is an Alien's favorite drink?

Ale-n

Why doesn't God share his/her power?

Because nobody else has passed the exam yet.





Where do you go when you get possessed?

Linda Blair's house.




Where do Aliens get their coffee?

ummm......Uranis


Where does g0d sleep?