An englishman, an Irishman and Scotsman get marooned on a remote island.

They survive the harsh climate until they find a nice cave to live in.

While exploring the cave, they find a magic lamp, and decide to investigate.

Suddenly, the genie pops out of the lamp, and grants each person 1 wish.

The Englishman wishes.. 'i want to be rich, i want to live in a playboy-style mansion and be waited on by gorgeous women'. 'Done, the genie says, and the Englishman disappears..

The Scotsman wishes.. 'i want to be rich, live in a Scottish Castle, have an amazing wife who cooks amazing Haggis.' 'Done, the genie says, and the Scotsman disappears..

The Irishman thinks for a moment.. 'Oh, i dont know i'm in such a muddle.. i wish i had my those nice boys back here to help me decide..'

i don't know if anybody said this yet....

how do you make a blonde laugh on sunday???/
telll them a joke on thursday!
i'm blonde too

One day the 'three bears' return home to their cottage to find it somewhat altered

" Who been eating my porridge. " says daddy bear
" Who's been eating my porridge" says mommy bear
"Forget the porridge" says baby bear "Goldilocks has stolen the television.


An electrician and his apprentice were working at a house when the electrician turns to the lad and tells him to touch a wire.
" Feel anything" asks the electrician
"No" repiles the apprentice
"Good, don't touch the other one, it'll kill you."

first time, sorry if its lame...
two muffins are sitting in the oven. and the one muffin says to the other muffin: it sure is hot in here, and the other muffin says: holy sh**, a talking muffin!

Dude that is funny as hell, like seriously no sarcasticness XD.

What do you call cheese thats not your cheese?

Nacho cheese!

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor., "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual., "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

an american ship was sailing through the ocean when it picked an object on its radar.
the captain picked up the walkie talkie and said "you are on a collision course with our ship. direct your course 15 degrees south, i repeat direct your course 15 degrees south."
the crew wait a while when they get a reply:" no, you move. direct your course 15 degrees north. do it or your gonna crash, cos' we aint movin". the captain, who is now angry, says
"listen up buddy, this is the u.s arizona, one of the biggest ships in the american fleet and i'm only gonna say this once more, direct your course 15 degrees south, now!!"
so the other guys say:
"it's your choice mate, this is a lighthouse."

Thats good.

Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking
buddy, Sven.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Lena.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself
by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily
on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing
especially painful. Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down
his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding.

He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting
a
Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid
the
now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both his head and
butt
and Lena staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Ole?"

Ole said, "Why you say such a mean ting?"

"Well," Lena said, "it could
be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom
of
the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house,
it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly......it's all those
Band-Aids stuck on the
downstairs mirror.

A nun walks into a liquor store and asks to buy a fifth of whiskey. She says it's for Mother Superior's constipation, so the owner says ok. She buys the booze and leaves. Two hours later, the owner closes store and walks through the park on his way home. As he's walking, he spots the same nun sitting on a park bench, roaring drunk. "Shame on you, Sister", he says, "I thought that whiskey was for Mother Superior's constipation." "It is," she slurrs. "When she sees me, she'll sh**!"

Here Goes my First Joke
Tourist at Niagara Falls
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guide : I welcome you all to Niagara Falls, these are the world's largest

waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20

supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara

Falls.


~~~~~~~~~
One More: The Screaming Husband!
~~~~~~~~~

A husband was screaming at the top of his voice to his wife...

"What the hell do you think of yourself, you idiot, fool, I can do whatever I

want, and no body, "that's nobody " can stop me from doing it, you got it loud

and clear."

The wife was a meek audience listening to all this .

When her husband finished his shouting session, she said quietly. "That's okay,

honey but please, do come out from under the bed."

Second Joke**

Once There was a Competetion Between Three Countries' Cops.They were of Scotland, United States and Pakistan. A Judge Freed Three Lions in a Deep Jungle and Said "One By Onw Go in the Jungle the One who Finds First a Lion He is the Best and then as the Next comes he is the Second best and third one is the Third Best.The Competition Starts with a Gunshot. The Scotland Police captured the Lion in 10 Minutes. After 30 Minutes the U.S Police Captured the Second Lion.After that there was no Coming of Pakistani Police So The Others Felt quite Afraid that Hasn't the Lion ate Pakistani Police.So in that Tension they Started the Patroling in the Jungle and Suddenly Found that There was a Bear Hung From the Tree and the Pakistani Police has Circled him.And they were Beating Bear Madly. And were Shouting "TELL US BEAR!!!!!WHERE IS THAT DAMN LION???????"

Two women, who had been friends for years, decide to go for a Girls-
Night-Out. They were over-enthusiastic over the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom.

They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they go
behind a headstone.

The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she decided she'd
remove her panties, use them, then dispose of them.

Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and
didn't want to ruin hers; however, she was lucky enough to salvage a
large ribbon, from a wreath that was on one of the graves, which she
used.

The next day, the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and
said, "This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife
came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card
stuck to her butt that said, " FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION,
WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."

(sorry if this has been done)

A blonde was driving down the highway, she seemed to have trouble staying between the lines. After about five minutes, an officer notices her suspicious driving, and decides to follow her. He puts on the lights after watching the blonde swirve continuously from one side of the road to the other. The blonde pulls over.
Officer: "Maam, do you realize how poorly you were driving?"

Blonde: "I'm sorry officer, everytime I'd straighten out the car, a tree would pop right out in front of me..."

After a few seconds the officer looks at the blonde and says:
"Maam, that was your air freshener."

The joke that is coming is long. Please excuse the longness of it.

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first?" would
be something like this in the new millennium:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say
I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I
do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START". . .

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"

Not to be outdone the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!"

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, switch sides!"

That was a funny one Glenndo.

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hi,you have just dialed 911. Normally we would ask you to state the nature of the emergency, however we're all out at lunch. If you would like to leave your name, number and emergency, we will return your call as soon as we get back. If it is a very important emergency, just go outside and scream for help. That always works pretty good in the movies. Good Luck

heres a god one.

on a island is 3 girls a blond. a brownet, and a ginger.

it is 50miles to the mainland

the
brownet swims 10miles and drowns

the ginger reaches 21miles before she dies

the blond swims 25miles then turns back

I heard that joke, the blonde is like 3km from the shore and she says "im too tired" and swims back

My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

lol

I asked my grandad, how are you and grandma still happily married, nearly fifty years later? he told me this story:
Immediately after their wedding, my grandad lifted my grandma up to the horse drawn carriage, and procedes to drive the carriage to their homestead for the honey moon. after about ten minutes, the horse trips. my grandad said "1" my grandma was puzzled, but shrugged it off. about five more minutes pass, and again, the horse stumbles. my grandad looks at the horse and says "2" again, feeling a bit confused, my grandma continues to ride. but inevitably the horse trips again in a few moments. "3" my grandad said, shaking his head. he reached into the back of the carriage pulled out the shotgun he always carried, and with a single shot BANG! the horse fell dead, a bullet to the head. my grandma was shocked! she screamed "what on earth was that for! why would you do that? what the-" she was cut off

"1" said grandpa.
come on folks, that's a brilliant one!

lol i don't get it

wow...I thought it was obvious.

well i knew the end it just wasn't funny but at first i thought i didn't get it

this joke is gonna be good because of my choice avtar totaly cowinkydink i might add

use your visuals here and litsen to the characters voice kay?


scene: kermit the frog and the count inside the mens stall both sitting for number two

the count speaks aloud after a plop is well heard
"ONE ........ONE TIRD IN THE TOILT "
again a second plop is splashed
"TWO........I HAVE TWO TIRDS IN THE TOILET"

kermit conspicously in disgust as if he cannot tolerate one more

plop
the count says aloud
"THREE ...I HAVE THREE ....
kermit interupts and says to the count

" Gee Count .......what did ya eat..... a frillin Dead Guy?

whats scarier on halloween

the screamin kids yelling trick or treat smell my feet give me something good to eat
or knowing the person who answered the door
granting their request?










echorae'2006
yup i made that one up

does anybody remember the bowl of friut plastic friut that would be on the coffee tabe growing up?


deccorration smack in the middle of the table plastic friut grapes yu know remember?

WHAT IS THAT FOR ?
FOR WHEN MANIQUENS COME OVER AND VISIT

Here's a dumb one:


What di you call a Fly with no wings?


A Walk.

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with
me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business fell, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you gave me support.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

When I consider all that, I need to tell you something."

"What is it dear?" she asked.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!

While on holiday at a beautiful island getaway, a man discovers a lamp while walking on the beach.
As these stories always go, he rubs the lamp & out pops a genie.
The genie grants him 3 wishes, but adds one stipulation; "whatever you wish for your wife will get double."
This really upsets the man who's in the middle of a nasty divorce.
He decides on his three wishes & tells the genie, "First, i want to have £1 million"
"Done" says the genie, And as promised, his wife recieves £2 million.
'For my second wish' says the man, "I want a huge mansion" again it is done and his wife recieves a house twice as large.
"So" says the man, 'let me get this straight. I have £1 million and my wife has £2million. I have a huge mansion and my wife has one twice that size'
'Correct' says the genie. "Wat do u want for your third wish?"
The man ponders monentarily and replies, 'I want you to scare me half to death."

lol heard one lke that but i forgot how it goes OH wiat here it is


A man finds a lamp on the shore and rubs it the geine says " you have three wishes but whatever you wish you will get double

" Ok then i wish i had 100millon dollars " and 200 million dollars appear

" Sweet now i wish i had 100 naked dancing ladies " and 200 naked dacing ladies appear

then one of the naked ladies while dancing kicks a rock at the mans crocth then without thinking the man screams " OWWWW!!! i wish my testicle wasn't here so i wouldn't be in so much pain "

thought u would like some jokes

Wat do you call a blonde with half a brain? GIFTED


What do you call a blonde mother-in-law? AN AIR BAG

What is the difference between a blonde & a shower? A SHOWER NEEDS TO BE TURNED BEFORE ITS WET

What do brunettes miss most about a great party? THE INVITATION

What is the biggest drawback of the jungle? AN ELEPHANTS FORESKIN



Sorry if these offend anyone, but they are only jokes. your more and welcome to take a dig at me if you want.

^

I hear the mods comming...

Some jokes from me : no offence is intended and i have respect for everyone!!

What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
- A roaming Catholic

Hickory Dickory Dock, an elephant ran up the clock - the clock is now being repaired!!!

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their diffrences for once and for all. When Lucifer heard the news, he laughed and said - where does the old fool think he is going to find a lawyer!!

Talk is cheap - until lawyers get involved!!

Two golfers were playing near the edge of the course, one of them looked over the fence in amazement and said - Look those idiots over there are out skating on the pond in this blizzard!!

BASE-Jumping is an excellent way to relax - it really takes your mind off your problems!!!!

This bloke has a nasty accident in a Fish and Chip shop, he accidently poured some Vinager into his ear - he now has a case of Pickled Hearing!!

I know...there bad but i can get worse, maybe time to get the scottish jokes out!!!

Here is a few jokes

i hope i dont offend any one, dont mean to

The worst thing you can hear as the anaesthetic starts to hit is " Lord of this world, father of lies, prince of darkness, accept this, our sacrifice..."

There was a young dentist called Sloan,
Who catered to woman alone,
In a moment of depravity,
He filled the wrong cavity,
And said "Look! My business has grown!"

What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?
One look up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush!

How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What do u call a jazz musican without a girlfriend?
Homeless

What the difference between a coffin & a cello?
With a coffin, the corpse is on the inside.

Here is a few jokes for u

Hope i dont offend any one if i do im really sorry

Two hillbillies are sitting outside the drug store staring at the road.
Eventually, one turns to the other and says "Cleatus, what your son going to be when he graduates?" Cleatus thinks about it for a few minutes, then spits on the floor and replies, "Zeke, i reckon he'll be about 45."

Have you noticed that Avon ladies walk strangely?
Its because their lipstick.

How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in hte face with an axe.

What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobains mind when he shot himself?
The roof of his mouth.

Woman & hurricanes are very much alike. They both make a hell of a racket when they come, they turn your life upside-down, and then they take your house when they leave.

What yellow & brown & looks good on lawyers?
A tumour

Whats the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pitbull humping your leg?
The pitbull gets to finish ......

What meaner than a pitbull with AIDS?
Whatever gave it AIDS in the first place.

What the difference between a rottweiler & a social worker?
You can get your children back from the rottweiler.

What do you get if you cross an onion with a donkey?
A piece of ass that'll bring tears to your eyes.

How do monkey pick up rumours?
Through the apevine.

Here is a few jokes

HOPE I DONT OFFEND ANYONE

What do you call a cross between a rooster and an owl?
A c*** that stays up all nite.

Two cannabils sat beside a large fire, after eatin the best meal they'd had in ages.
"Your wife sure makes a great roast" says the first canibal.
"Yea" replied the second canabil. "I'm really going to miss her ..."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've expierenced pain and bought jewellery

A little boys asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"I dont know son," replied the father, !I'm still paying for it."

An umarried man is an example of the failure of the 'CARE IN THE COMMUNITY SCHEME'

Whats the diffrence between pink & purple?
The womans grip!.

According to a recent report, the most common marriage proposal in use today is "You're WHAT?"

The best way to stop the noise in your car is to let her drive.

This essex guy called his local tax office, and asked if he could rite off his daughters wedding against his tax bill as "a total loss."

Thought you would like some jokes

Hope i dont offend anyone

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artifical intelligence.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Where else do you wash vegtables.

Scientists have just discovered a rare homosexual dinosaur?
They've decided to call it Hadlotasaourarse!

Two women were standing at a funeral. "I blame myself for his death," said the wife.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Cos i shot him," said the wife.

What do you get when you cross LSD & the Pill?
A trip without the kids.

What's so great about being a test tube baby?
You'll get a womb with a view.

Here is a selection of jokes

Hope i dont offend anyone

What do you call a convertaible lada?
A skip.

How do you double the value of your lada?
Fill it up with petrol.

Why does a lada have a heated rear windscreen?
To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.

What do you call a lada at the top of a hill?
A miracle.

What do you call a lada going down a hill?
An accident waiting to happen.

Whats the definintion of a metallurgist?
A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

What is a 68 to a bumb blonde?
Where she goes down on you & you owe her one.

Why was the dumb blonde dissapointed with her trip to london?
She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

A secondary school student asked his teacher if a person should be punnished for something he hadn't done. "No" said the teacher. "Of course not,"
"Good" said the boy. "I haven't done my homework."

So these two cannibals were eating this clown and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you."

What is the result of a bomb blast in the middle of a herd of cows?
Udder destruction.

O.K You all have heard of those BLOW-UP BETTY Dolls

You know IT SAYS ON THE DOLL.....
"BloW UP beTTY .........She NEver Gets A heADace........
........No BUt You dO AFter Blowing HEr up !" ha ha

Love is a matter of chemistry. Sex is a matter of physics.

Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

Here is a few jokes i hope that i dont offend anyone if i do im sorry

What do you call 20 floppy-eared mammals hoping backwards in row?
A receding hare line.

Why do blondes like lighting?
They just love having there picture taken.

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
To cut down the draught.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know. There is somethings even a blonde won't do.

What's a 72?
It's a 69 with 3 people watching.

What's 5 miles long & has a IQ of 40?
A blonde parade.

Whats the difference between a woman & a volcano?
A volcano dosen't fake eruptions.

Here is a couple of jokes that might be in bad taste

if i upset anyone you can always let me know

How can you tell a Frenchman's been in your garden?
Your dustbin is empty and your cat is pregnant.

What do you call a Welshman with 2 sheep under his arm?
A pimp.

What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under his arm?
A newlywed.

What's the similarity between a lawyer & a sperm?
Only 1 in a million turns out 2 be a human.

Whats the difference a pervert and a kinky person?
A pervert uses a feather, a kinky person uses the whole chicken.

What goes, "Marc Marc?"
A dog with a hare lip.

Here is a few jokes

hope i dont offend anyone if i do i sorry



What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs who is chewing a razor?
Still no bloody idea.

Whats the difference between a terrorist & a woman with PMS?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What sits in the desert & cackles?
A toasted sand witch.

What sits on the beach & cackles?
A sandwitch.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.