1) I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4) Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5) Are You Andy or Barney?

6) I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer

7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8) I pay your salary!

9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

13) What? You need a license to drive?

14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!

15) Is your power a penis substitute?

16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk

17) Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.

18) Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.

19) Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind

21) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?

22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.

23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence

24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?

25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too

26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal

27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

28) Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?

29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me

30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?

31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight

32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?

33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either

34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut

35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?

36) Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol

39) That uniform makes your ass look really big.

40) You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?

43) I'm not as think as you stoned I am.

44) Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"

Thanks to Simon for the two points above!

45) Its tobacco, honest

46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket!

How about,

Officer " Sir, your eyes look a little bloodshod, have you been drinking".

Driver " Officer, your eyes look a little glazed, have you been eating donuts.

OH GOD!! LOL Number 7 that's a good one had me laughing these are good!

21 is the best

lol to 34

I've read this before:

When they stop you and say their name (Richards for instance):

"Richards? ....Richards? So that was YOUR wife?!"

hahah #3 and #34

That got me going.

How 'bout I add a few myself.

47) "WHY'D YOU PULL MEE OVER! I WAS CHASIN' A GUY WHO STOLE MY CRACK!"

48) "I don't want to repeat myself again... I leeeft myyyy liiiiiscence iiiiin myyyyy draaaweer beeeesiiide myyyy bagggg of weeeeeed"

49) "Officer, if you're gonna ask me how fast I was going in the middle of this highway, then you're gonna have to wait till my elephant finishes his business"

50) "Me speak no engliss, tankyou come again".

lol, the last one is good.

51) Driver: "This pot's not mine, honest!"
Cop: "Really?"
Driver: "Yes, I stole it"

One of my dumb brother's friends got pulled over once and the cop asked him to say the alphabet backwards. The guy did a doubletake and said, "are you kidding? I couldn't even do that if I was sober!"

Haha

"That 18 being a legal age....thats just more of a guideline...right?"

I've read these, but I still think that #3 is the best!