Hey guys,

Post your favorite or most memorable Simpsons quotes...no more than a few at a time please, don't just cut and paste 30 lines from Google


Here's mine -

The episode where Bart cuts class and witnesses Mayor Quimby's nephew beat up a french waiter.

Skinner: (thinking) I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: if I found out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you head me. I think words I would never say.

Homer: (thinking) I know you can read my thoughts, boy. (singing) Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.

There are so many. Almost everything Homer says is gold.

Let me think here about a few


Bart: I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

( Funny to me for personal reasons.)

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.


Homer: (singing) When I was 17, I drank some every good beer, beer that I purchased, with a fake ID, my name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to queen, when I was 17.

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

Ralph: I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

Ralph: I glued my head to my shoulder, now i have two owies.

Mr. Burns: I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.

That is enough for now.



Simpsons Quotes

Marge: Homer, you'll kill us all!
Homer: Or die trying!


Homer: The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.

In regards to the "eccentric" curios shop dealer(John?) that Homer befriended.

Homer: I think we should have John and his wife over for dinner sometime...

Marge: Homer I don't think John is married...

Homer: Oh...A swingin Bachelor...

Marge: I think John prefers the company of men.

Homer: Who Doesn't?

Marge: Homer, John is a Ho-Mo-

Homer: Yes...

Marge: -sexual...

Homer: AGHHH!

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In regards to Homers Wedding vows when he and Marge got remarried, as read by Reverend Lovejoy:

Lovejoy: ...Whether richer or poorer...and poorer is underlined...in sickness or health...whether shooting across the alkalai flats in a rocket powered, monkey navigated...(Pause)...Oh LORD, it goes on like this....

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The Simpsons provide so many inside jokes between my wife and I; she had never watched the Simpsons before she met me; she had thought they were a bit too low brow for her. Years later, she can quote most of the shows verbatim...

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Good ol' Ralph:

*Bart is walking Ralph down the road on a 'playday'. He pushes Ralph in a bush to hide him*

Ralph: I like bushes. They're nice unless they have prickers. This one did. Ow!

Funny for personal reasons!

Oh, and of course:

*Homer is in charge of a new monorail. Marge finds a family of possums in the works*

Marge: Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
Homer: I call the big one Bitey.

Homer sings ala the Flinstones theme:

"Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in history,
From the, town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree...Aahhh!!!"

He crashes into a tree.

Homer: This could be a scam...possibly a scamola!

This one rings true.
Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!

Homer saying "CHOOOOOOOOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Homer (thinkiing to himself): Uh-oh, here comes a police officer. Think , Homer, think.

Cop: What are you up to there?

Homer: Why, I was just going out to buy some pornograhy!


Homer the computer tech:

Computer Nerd:(says something like this): I'd like to connect my peripheral at either 11 mbs (802.11B) or 50 mbs (802.11A) but it depends on the type and configuration of my wireless card. Can you tell me the most cost effective options to add that won't render my firewall ineffective?

Homer: (long pause).....Can I have some money now?

Ralph: I bent my wookie.....

HOMER: "Quite brain, or i'll stab you with a q-tip."

Homer:

-- "I don't know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure."
-- "D'oh! English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
-- "I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am."
-- "Oh, honey, I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world."
-- "Dammit, I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor."
-- "I'm tired of being a wanna-be league bowler, I wanna be a league bowler!"
-- "Aw Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
-- "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... Except the weasel."
-- "Oh, I love your magazine. My favourite section is 'How to increase your word power'. That thing is really, really, really... good."
-- "If the Bible has taught us noting else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
-- "Everytime I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my head! Like that time I took a wine tasting course, and after, I couldn't remember how to drive."

Homer: Waitamin Waitamin Wait a minute... Lisa honey, are you saying you are never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork Chops!?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah right Lisa, a wonderful "magical" animal. Hehe.

Ralph: Why does everyone run away from me?
(Pees himself then smiles)

Ralph: My cats breath smells like Cat food...

Skinner: Wiggum, Ralph.
Ralph: I won! I won!
Skinner: You're failing English, Ralph.
Ralph: Me fail English? That's umpossible!

Homer(Yelling): This is Ned Flanders, my friend!
Lenny: What did he say?
Carl: I dunno, something about being gay...

Grampa: My son is not a communist! He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, and a communist, but he is NOT a porn star.

Snake: Give me all the cash!
Apu: Alright. Alright. Hold your horses*clicks silent alarm button*
Silent Alarm: SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!

Lisa: Dad, why aren't you dressed?
Homer: I dunno
Lisa: Don't tell me mom dresses you
Homer: I guess, or one of her friends

Homer: Ah, so the internets on the computer now.

*Moe drives by, slaps a Duff beer label on Duffmans face*

Duffman: 'Duffman.....Cantbreath!! Oh no!! oo..'

or

Duffman: 'Duffman is thrusting in the di-rection of the problum!'

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- Dark

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to ride the ferry cost a nickel, but in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. 'Gimme 5 bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yes.The important thing was, I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."

Good ol' Grandpa Simpson. Trying to think of another... There are so many!

Burns: Ah, my beloved plant. How I miss her... Bah! To hell with this! Get my razors! Draw a bath! Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!

Smithers: Certainly, sir. And, uh, the jars of urine?

Burns: Oh, we'll hang onto those.

Easy one....


Homer- DOH!

well i think we've all learned a valuable lesson here today, never try and be something youre not - namely food!

Can't believe I am the first one to post this...

Bart: EAT MY SHORTS!

Ralph and grandpa have the best!