If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

On Saturday, I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

My stigmata are acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them 'Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

QUOTE (Loonboy @ May 18 2003, 12:36 PM)

On Saturday, I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

these two are quality

Poor Guy .. What's with the bad luck??

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.



priceless!!

(liked them all anyway )

QUOTE

I prefer to remain an enigma. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information

Brilliant LB

Thank you for putting these up LB

QUOTE (Loonboy @ May 18 2003, 08:36 AM)

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay? Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them 'Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

These were the best ones imo!

projectile Leprocy Now that's funny ....

QUOTE (Loonboy @ May 18 2003, 07:36 AM)

If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

They were all good, but this is my favorite

All very funny, good find LB

Good one LB

QUOTE

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. On Saturday, I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

BRILLIANT, GREAT FIND LB