Since my favorite character is Stewie I picked a couple of my favorite quotes from him.

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
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Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
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Stewie: Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level.
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Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself.
Lois: Honey, I'll be right there.
Stewie: Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half-way to bloody Boston!

Brian: O Lordy Lordy i shall never Roam again!!!


thats off the episode where brian enters the dog show and the cop brings him back home and tells him not to run around without a leash again.

Dear diary....Jackpot- Quagmire
Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god? I do.......You bastard-Peter
Hey gimme back my sock you goat bastard-Peter

"Maybe we only die because we accept it as an inevitability..." - Stewey Griffin, when him and Brian are getting high off the second hand smoke in the Amsterdam coffee shop...

"I've got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about!" Peter

OOOOh a flag girl............now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call
hahahahahahahahahaha--Stewie&Brian

Stewie:or you can make your useful and wipe my but one finger slow motion and dont you look at me.In the epsoide when Brian gets a Woody

Peter: "Come on guys she lost her leg in Nam"

Group of people: "Awwwww...."

Brian: "Chicken.....gave me...a bad...coupon"

The best scene in any series in the world,the 5minute long fight between brian and a chicken

That was between Peter and the chicken, Brian is the dog.

"Oh mother, I left a present for you in my diaper, i'll give you a hint:it's not a toaster"-Stewy

haha xD

I shall enjoy contributing to this thread

"Holy Crip he's a crapple"

"I want ice cream, but no sprinkles for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you"

"Nooooo!!!...silly rabbit trix are for kids! Damn long ears trying to take Easter away from Jesus..."

"Oh you'll take butter on that English muffin wont you? Yes, because you want to be the cheerleading squads token blimp! You don't deserve to eat..."

"What am I holding, a poopy or a toblerone?"

"Well your...hogging all the ugly!"

*plucks banjo* "Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy I want a mullet!"

"I require an in flight movie, a window seat and a happy meal, but no pickles! Oh God help you if I find pickles!"

Stewie Griffin: They're getting nude! I mustn't watch, it's not the proper thing to... Wow! I say, nice ones, Janine! And look at Lisa in all of her curvaceous glory! Heavens, it appears that my weewee has been stricken with rigor mortis!

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Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.

Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]

Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.

Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.

Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

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Brian Griffin: I'm not drunk! I just have a slight lisp... and a stomach virus... and an ear infection.

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Lois Griffin: What's going on?

Stewie Griffin: We're playing house.

Lois Griffin: The boy is all tied up.

Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.

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Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?

Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.

Chris Griffin: UPN?

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Meg Griffin: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?

Chris Griffin: Well, I've been working out all week.

Meg Griffin: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.

Chris Griffin: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.

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Quagmire: Baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through.

[after having sex]
Social Worker: Glen, honey. Can I ask you a question? What do you do for a living?
Quagmire: Heh! I got a question for you too. Why are you still here?

Quagmire: HEY GET THE HELL OFF MY... well hello lips, legs, breasts, and ass.

[hitting on a girl waiting in line for a roller coaster]
Quagmire: Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

UPS Woman: I've got a package for Glen Quagmire.
Quagmire: I'll be right back
[Closes door, then returns a moment later, naked]
Quagmire: And I've got a package for you too! Oh!
[she maces him]
Quagmire: Nice try, but I've built up an immunity.

Quagmire: Hello there, cutie. How old are you?
Girl: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen? You're first.
Girl: MOM.
Quagmire: I like where this is going.

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8... and home by 11.

[Quagmire tries to hit on some women at a lesbian bar]
Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Cleveland- " This is as crazy as ridiculous day down at the deli, where prices were so low, they were ridiculous"

" hey Bert, youre angry again Bert... "

peter: hey hey kids im santa, just practising for christmas

lil indian kid: you cant be santa, your white, santa is indian.

lil black kid : santa isnt indian, santa is black!!!

lil indian kid: santa cant be black, we do not fear him.