Police Comments

The following interactions were taken off of actual police car videos from around the US.

"Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey sh**."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And the best one . . . . .

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


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Ticket Chips
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These are true, I was a Sheriff and these are some of the excuses I heard. I actually wrote very few, about 1-2 a week, but when they came up with really lame excuses, I just had to.

People who got the ticket;

Guy on a motorcycle doing 110mph at 1 in the morning "I was cold so I wanted to get home fast"

Old lady doing 88 in a 25 zone
"I was checking to see if my muffler was leaking"

Vietnamese woman doing 45 in a 25 school zone "No speaka english"
After receiving the ticket
"you son of a *&^%$, you wrote me a ticket!"

People who did not get a ticket;

I paced a guy going 90 mph for about 5 miles. When I noticed he had a radar detector on his dash (Yes, that's how close I was and he didn't look in his rearview mirror once!) I reached over and activated my radar. I saw his detector light up and he hit his brakes so hard he skidded into the ditch! I was laughing so hard that I couldn't write him, but I did call for a tow truck. He was a little embarrassed

Guy doing 70 in a 35 zone
"I just won the lottery"
He really did, but he was heartbroken when I explained that the lottery office was closed on Sundays!

But this guy was my favorite;
I caught a guy in a Porsche Cabriolet doing 125mph in a 65 zone. I told him to explain why he was going so fast. He showed me the purchase papers for the car and said "I've waited my whole life to own this car.
I bought it yesterday and have been driving it ever since. It was 4 in the morning, no one else was around, and I just wanted to really open it up once, to see what it would do"

I handed him back his license and said "That makes perfect sense to me".

hahahah those were good. The last Police Comment had me rolling.

lol, tis very funny, expecially the first couple.

OMG! Those were hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, Dis!

I know some cops that would say things like that too!

Dis those are funny..

That one is my favorite!

They're great.

Nice. I like the last one comment. Also liked "I won the lottery!"