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Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums > Other > Writer's and Artist's Hangout
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nick_fury
QUOTE(BurnSide @ Jun 3 2005, 08:14 PM)
Have i ever seen Shaun of the Dead.
That's funny. laugh.gif
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The influence is clear in your work, the bit with the guy pulling the metal gate accross the station entrance (i think thats in a deleted scene) and the sick people on the bus very reminiscent of Shaun Of The Dead
Story rocks by the way keep up the good work and don't be afraid to let it last too long. Can't wait for the next chapter thumbsup.gif
BurnSide
Thank you.
Yes, i have taken strong influence from SotD, mainly because they, in my opinion, did everything right with the whole outbreak starting part.
Thank you for reading. original.gif


The next part is coming. My lady has written it, and i'll be just editing it a little before posting. I sadly haven't had the time as of yet, but should shortly, it's only a very small part.
Shakezulah
And how small are we talking here? Is it big enough for something major to happen?
Walken
....Or is it still the build-up to the outbreak?

Oh......Hur-reye up.... I need media coverage...quarantines...goverment censorship....zombies....the works... laugh.gif
BurnSide
Talking small. Nothing major. I don't have time to work on the story fully until my work gets quieter again. sad.gif
Disinterested
Are you going to post the other part or what?
BurnSide
Day Three



6:37 AM

Alex could barely open her eyes. She was so tired, and wasn't even sure what time it had been last night when she turned off the TV and dragged herself into bed. And on top of the lack of sleep, she had nightmares all night...
People screaming and dying all over the city, throwing up blood and it was just everywhere, everything was covered red. It was all over the ground, and on their hands and in their hair...
Alex shook the nightmare from her foggy mind and forced herself to get up, she had to leave for work soon. She stumbled into her tiny bathroom, went up to the sink and ran the cold water, spashing some on her face in an attempt to wake herself up a little. Looking in the mirror, Alex immediately noticed the huge bags under her eyes. Not even make-up could hide this, she thought to herself. She felt like crap, and certainly didn't look much better.
She switched off the tap and walked into the living room. The curtains were drawn over her windows overlooking the city. She didn't feel like letting the morning sun flood into her apartment yet, and decided to leave them closed. With a click of a button the TV turned on. She wanted to avoid the news, so she turned on the weather channel. Still warm out, but it does look like it's cooling down a little. That was something at least. Looks like they're forcasting rain for later today.
Now, for some breakfast. In the kitchen she grabbed a box of cheerios, and poured some into a bowl along with milk and a couple chopped up banana slices. Hopefully that'll make her feel better. She took a couple of spoonfuls, only to be greeted by an unpleasent feeling in her stomach. She then ran to the bathroom as fast as she could, getting to the toilet just in time to throw up. Well, there goes breakfast, she thought.
After cleaning up and brushing her teeth, she went and picked up the phone. There was no way she was going into work today. As if the whole ordeal yesterday hadn't been enough, she wasn't feeling well enough for Jacks Diner today.
After a couple rings, the answer machine picked up. That's odd, someone always answered the phone there, usually. Jacks icy voice spoke to her through the machine.
"Thank you for calling Jacks Diner. All the staff are currently unavailable to take your call at the moment, but feel free to leave a message, and we'll get back to you shortly." Followed by a beeep.
"Hi, it's Alex. I won't be coming in today. I'm not feeling that well."




Written by Dis, edited only a tiny amount by me. She's been awesome getting this story written while i've been at work. grin2.gif
nick_fury
Another brilliant piece! Is Alex infected? is it from the guy who cut her on the bus? no wait don't tell me w00t.gif i want it to be a surprise
BurnSide
Thanks, glad you liked it. original.gif

I wont give anything anyway.
Maybe she's just sick, not feeling well. She did stay up late and have a pretty rough few days.
Walken
Thank you Dis yes.gif

Twas Excellent thumbsup.gif
Shakezulah
Very good! thumbsup.gif
~Nemesis~
Wow that was really good. So good the only way it can be described is emoticons.

thumbup.gif clap.gif thumbup.gif clap.gif thumbup.gif

The same goes for every single part.
BurnSide
laugh.gif Thanks ya'll.
~Nemesis~
This story is kind of like Michael Chritchon's The Lost World in the sense that we havent seen any zombies, because in The Lost World you don't see any dino's until page 130 or something like that.
BurnSide
The word 'zombie' hasn't been mentioned, but is it possible that some of the characters have pervieved one, only not knowing it?

Afterall, if you saw a shuffling, moaning man coming towards you in a darkly lit alley, like Dylan did, you wouldn't immediately think he was a zombie...
star_child
Awesome, Dis!

I can't wait for the next part! grin2.gif
Shakezulah
QUOTE(BurnSide @ Jun 10 2005, 07:38 PM)
Afterall, if you saw a shuffling, moaning man coming towards you in a darkly lit alley, like Dylan did, you wouldn't immediately think he was a zombie...
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I would....But that's just me. I have any over-active imagination. laugh.gif
snuffypuffer
Still diggin it. I can't see anything I'd really want to pick on. You keep the story moving, even though you're still building up to the meat of the plot. Well done, bra, well done. thumbsup.gif

aren't you glad you moved this out into the forums?
BurnSide
Yes i am, although i think the story would be better read in one go instead of lots of little snippets...

Thank you though.
I only hope it is quiet enough at work over the next day or so to get the next part written. It'll be done by me, and it'll be a long one to really get this story going. grin2.gif
OneEye
Good job you two, it rocks!

Especially sinse my name is the first two words... I started reading and I was like "Whoa! I'm a main character!" Then I realized my stupidity.
BurnSide
haha, 'One Eye'. Very cool. Sorry, no UM characters starin this novel in any way.
Of course, i can't say that the characters aren't based on anyone in my life.
isis-999
You should write a book your really good at telling a story good luck
BurnSide
Thank you. My only flaw, is that i have a hard time finishing a story.
I've got so many half-written stories lying around, it's silly. sad.gif I'm really determined to follow this one through though.
BurnSide
So sorry about the long delay for this next part guys. It's almost finished now and will definately be posted tomorrow sometime. thumbsup.gif
The Cheat
wow... i just read all that you posted so far, and you're got me totally hooked. awesome work you two... i love your style (styles?) and i cant even find anything to critique (believe me i looked) KEEP IT COMIN!

i do love a good zombie story...adn this is one lol


arclay river...heh...
BurnSide
I have to give the odd elbow to Resident Evil of course. original.gif Although i'm not going to take exact details.

It's the Arclay mountains that border Raccoon City. laugh.gif I also took pieces of the newspaper clipping about the mutilated woman from RE too.



I'm glad you like it, it makes it all the more worth it when i know people read it and like it. Thanks. grin2.gif
The Cheat
oooh i didnt catch the newspaper part ...nice touch

BTW, im pretty sure its spelled Arklay in RE... i thought you changed it on purpose


thumbsup.gif
BurnSide
I did, you are quite corret. Sorry, should have made that clear. laugh.gif
BurnSide
New part!
Finally..

original.gif








7:41 AM

It was far, far too early for Dylan.
He was a late sleeper, one of those people who could stay awake to any hour of the night with ease, but always had trouble getting up in the morning no matter what time he went to sleep the night before.
He yawned grumpily and pushed open the front door of the apartment building, steping out into the cool morning air and squinting at the brightness of the newly risen sun.
Dylan adjusted the straps of his rucksack for comfort and walked down the path onto the road, heading for work. It was a quiet morning, a few birds sang to each other through the camouflage of green foliage, and every now and then he heard a car roar by in the distance, but no other sounds at all. He could see up Alburn road all the way past the construction site to Main street, and as far as he could tell, there wasn't a single other person or vehicle at all. Dylan frowned, that was very odd. Probably just a coincidence though, and after all it was pretty early.
A cool breeze blew his untidy hair slightly and bent the untrimmed grass of several lawns as Dylan trekked on. He could ear a car alarm buzzing somewhere about a block away, and wished someone would turn it off. He hated car alarms. He passed the Alburn road Quick-Easy Mart, and noticed it was dark inside. No sign of life. It usually opened really early, so it was a surprise to see it still closed. Dylan knew one of the clerks who worked there full time really well. John-Paul, who went by JP. Nice guy, and one of Dylan’s closest mates. He was lazy as hell and a bit of a slob though. Many a night had been passed at Dylan’s apartment with JP, drinking and eating pizza and playing video games until the sun came up.
Something rustled in a heavy green bush between two cream coloured houses, enough to have been caused by more than just the wind. Dylan stopped, and eyed the bush suspiciously. He once again became horribly aware of how quiet and still the morning is, he still hadn't seen a single other person on the streets yet.
The bush shook again and suddenly an orange tabby cat jumped out, meowing at Dylan in a lazy attention-seeking tone. Dylan almost laughed for being so paranoid. He bent down and scratched one orange furry ear, and then continued his walk.
He passed the construction site, an ugly thorn sticking up in the road. The manhole was still open, surrounded by baricades, but no sign of any construction crew. It'll probably take the city months just to fix a pipe or whatever they're doing there, as usual. He felt for the houses lining the construction area, must be noisy. He glanced up at the windows of one wood-paneled three story home and noticed one of the windows was smashed outwards.
Dylan stopped and turned around suddenly. Was that a scream he just heard? It was very faint, but it definitely sounded like someone screaming. He squinted down the road and saw someone standing, right in the middle of the road. Not moving, just standing there, just outside where his apartment building was. Why were they just standing there? Maybe they dropped something.
Dylan was starting to get a little freaked out. All the houses around him were deathly silent, not filled with their usual morning bustle of showers and conversation. He turned back to the sidewalk leading up to Main street, his heart starting to beat just a little faster. Was that another scream he just heard, or was he imagining things? Maybe it was just a bird. Like the first noise. Had to be, why would someone be screaming?
A car zoomed past in front of him on Main street with a roar of the engine. Way to fast for the speed limit on the road. Dylan glanced up and saw that the lights were red, that car just ran a red light. Then there was a sound like glass smashing from somewhere out of sight, making Dylan jump a little. He whipped his head around, searching for where the sound came from, but everything was still and quiet again.
He was starting to think going to work today would be a bad idea.
Nevertheless, he continued towards work, turning onto Main street. Besides being in an older part of the city, this street was usually pretty busy even at 8 in the morning. Again, the street was pretty much empty. He did see a few people just up the road on Main however, two or three people kneeling down in the road. Maybe there had been an accident on the street? They'd closed of the roads? He was going that way anyway so he'd see when he got there.
He passed by a white old looking house and noticed the door was wide open, creaking slowly in the slight breeze. Something red was smeared all over the door and path...
THUMP!
Something hit Dylan from behind. He fell foward onto the sidewalk, landing hard on his hands letting out an annoyed 'oof!'. Looking up he saw a girl in black pants running as fast as she could up the street, without even looking back. She crossed and dissapeared down a small alley. Dylan pushed himself up off the ground, noticed his palms were grazed. He took a look behind him but didn't see what she could have been running from. The street was completely devoid of life in that direction as far as he could see, just a few cars parked along the gutter.
What the hell was going on today? Something was seriously wrong in this city. Should he go home? What would his excuse be for not going into work?
Sorry i didn't come in to work, it was quiet out and someone ran past me, and i got scared and went home.
No, he'd go to work. He crossed over the deserted road and continued on, keeping a sharp eye out for odd goings on.











Just a heads up guys, the story is posted in FULL in my blog, so if you want to read it over from start to finish without all the comments, it's there, and it'll be updated to add each new part as it comes.
Shakezulah
WOW! That was VERY good. Creeped me out as i read it. Youre doing an excellent job of building up suspense so far. I love this story.
BurnSide
It's finally starting to take off eh.
grin2.gif
Shakezulah
Hell yes! You should seriously try to get this published when its finished. Its so good.
BurnSide
It's definately big enough, i have the whole thing in my blog and each 'chapter' (day) is a pretty good length.

However i found the story reads very well in these small parts but as a whole, not so good. So once it's fully finished it may take alot of editing before i'd consider getting it published.

I doubt that would happen anyway, i wouldn't even know where to start.
Shakezulah
If you ever consider getting it published, i could help you. I have a friend who has gotten many poems and stories published before. She would probably know what to do.
BurnSide
Cheers, i'll keep that in mind.
BurnSide
I've decided to continually edit this first post to add all the extra parts that are written, so instead of searching through the topic for new parts, you can find them here in this first post, and i'll add a comment when it is updated.

I will post the new part in the topic itself, i'll just also add it to first post. Makes it easier for people to find that way.

All the posts up to now are now in the first post. original.gif




Thanks to Dis for the suggestion, of course.
Every good man has a better woman behind him.
Thanato
I like it, i especialy like how you keep the chapters short.

~Thanato
BurnSide
Thanks. original.gif

The chapters are long, each day is a chapter. As you can see in the first post.

The individual parts of each chapter are short, to keep the readers attention. original.gif There's about 4 parts in each chapter.
Garm
Wow.. i just.. Well, WOW original.gif Very nicely written
BurnSide
Why thank you very much Garm, much appreciated. grin2.gif
Ria
Keep it going guys your doing brill hows the nxt part coming?
BurnSide
Well, it's almost finished. grin2.gif It'll be quite similar to the last part however.
Ria
Cool i can't wait grin2.gif
Pinowawa1
I dont own many fictional horror books, though, if you publish your Zombie story (I think you shouls), I'd consider buying it from you. So far so good!
Pinowawa1
I would like to see your other works!
BurnSide
I think if i was to publish it, the story would end up being ALOT different.

For the most part, this is just a fun story we felt like writing in small installments for UM. Realistically a publisher would never pick this up, it's too sketchy and all over the place, without enough character buildup etc. But i do consider this a sort of rough draft, and after it's complete i am thinking about re-going over it and fixing it up.

If you've like to read another novel i was writing, click here.
http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum...opic=24555&st=0

Silent Hill, based on the videogame of the same name. I'm quite proud of it, but it didn't go very far before i started writing this instead.
Disinterested
I agree, I don't think it's good enough to be published. It's just something we're doing for fun, nothing more. But I am glad that people are enjoying it enough to suggest it. original.gif

But personally, I don't know if I'd be willing to go through that work of sending it out...
Pinowawa1
True! Also considering Zombie horrors/movies have been given alot of attention to already, so it would be a little out of date publishing it after all the changes.. not really worth it .. Maybe 'Silent Hill' .. have not read it yet!
The Cheat
ha, no way...zombie movies will never go out of style thumbsup.gif
BurnSide
There is however only so many ways a story about zombies can be told. laugh.gif
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