I just popped in here becuase I read the title and thought it was an offer..Oh well..
There's absolutely nothing wrong with sex before marriage in my eyes. I've been married for years now, and I can tell you that it was good to take all those practice swings before stepping up to the plate..
If you're going to *ahem* entertain; somebody for years you'd better learn the moves beforehand..
All the people I know who actually waited are now divirced, to tell you the truth..
It seems that inevitably; one or both partners feel that they missed out on an important aspect of their lives by holding back, so they run off to fulfill themselves..
And from what I've seen of them; they're infinitely happier having done that..

Sex:

Humans thoughts and laws

Natures thoughts and laws

Who do you think is going to win?

Personally, i believe its up to the individual to choose wether they save themselves for marriage or not. Religion should not judge peoples descisions that they have made for their life, they chose that path so they will reap the benefits of it if there are any. not to blast any one's believes but every religion has pros and cons you would be naiive to believe that they are all right.

Hello, did somebody say the S word. lol

Sex is a major part of Paganism. Gods and Goddesses do it. We have a holiday for it, Beltain. Sex is celebrated as gift of the Gods/Goddesses. It is nature.

I think if parents love their children they should make sure they have access to condoms. Your not going to be able stop them once they decide to do it, unless you keep them under lock and key. If you do that they won't become independent and you will be stuck with them until they are fifty.

REALLY?! what country is this in? sound interesting i would LOVE to participate in this holiday

It is a Pagan holiday. It is celebrated all over the world where ever you have Pagans. You just missed it.

I'm saving myself for someone special.

Damn it! oh well, i have already found someone special and he's lovely quite interesting i never new there was a holiday for sex! so how do celebrate this holiday?! (besides doing that) what day is it on?

Sadly i don't think it's (yet) an officially recognised public holiday; but why be constained by the conventions of society?!

http://www.circlesanctuary.org/pholidays/Beltane.html

pah.. the day the government allows pagan holidays to be legaly reconized is the day I'll eat pork chops... (HATE pork and ham....)

hmm...

I don't, for one second, believe that sex before marraige is wrong...however, looking around at the number of underage mothers you see floating around in this country, I sometimes wonder.

The other day at work, I had a customer who was maybe a year or so younger than me. She was quite obviously pregnant, had two babies in the trolley seat, and a toddler you looked to be about four running around. My initial thought was "christ...can't you keep your legs together instead of eating up my tax money on child benefits?"

There does certainly need to be a great deal more education on safe sex...although, I must admit the ned population isn't really listening to that...and the Catholic church isn't helping either with its garbage about condoms not working. However, it is things like handing out condoms for free to teenagers at schools and universities (who let's face it, are going to be doing it anyway) that might just help prevent that kind of thing.

But anyway, no, don't believe that sex before wedlock is at all wrong

On a slightly related topic...there was something mentioned earlier about "sex mentoring"...an idea that I most certainly do not agree with...I feel that a system whereby someone is actually taught sexual techniques utterly trivialises the act. There's a huge difference between handing out condoms to youngers and saying "do it safetly", and rolling up your sleeves and saying "come here and I'll show you how it's done."

If nothing else, I just think that activly encouraging casual sex in such a manner isn't the answer...I'm afraid I have a very old school idea that sex should be something that indicated commitment and intimacy, which is probably the main reason I'm still waiting myself (it has nothing to do with waiting for marraige). The thought of any child throwing away their first sexual experience on someone they barely know, because they don't want to feel awkward and inexperienced is...disturbing

I know what you mean. Sometimes I see young mothers pushing prams around with babies in, and I am honestly trying to figure out if it’s their older sister or mother!

But on the topic, no I don’t think it’s wrong. Marriage is only a piece of paper, love is in the heart, you know if you have found the right one or not.

I feel that sex has been unproportionately blown up today to a scale that takes over many other aspects of life and relationships for many reasons including marketability. Just to say that there are many other better things to do and that if I am to follow my bodily instinct, I will not see any point to believe in marriage at all. I am trying, sometimes hard, sometimes easier to get away from the embeded and seemingly unavoidable sexiness of life.

i agree, i dont think its wrong at all

however, on ur education point............

it will not solve a thing. if u ask half of these teenage mothers, they say they know how babies are made and they knew they could get pregnant but did it anyway coz they didnt think of the consequences

our school had the best sex education u cudda wished for, it wasnt just "male enters female, male ejaculates, a baby is born"............it was about emotions, feeling as well as the practicalitites

However, a percentage of the class still ended up having a child before they were 20

no amount of education is going to stop a curious kid having sex

I didn't mean education into the mechanics of sex I meant greater education into the pitfalls of unsafe sex. I'd like to see children, quite frankly, being absolutely terrified of STDs and the like. It's not sex that I have a problem with...hell, I honestly couldn't care less if a fifteen year old had sex (I wouldn't encourage it...but I wouldn't give a damn). My beef is with unprotected sex, which people should be far better educated on the dangers of, and have precautions provided to them.

Indeed.It is a way to reproduce, not to pleasure yourself as many times as you can.

i know wot u meant

am just sayin that in my opinion it wudnt work

we got taught about condoms etc but at the end of the day, if ur 14, gagging and dont have a condom it wont stop u

perhaps one of the biggest problems is the taboo that surrounds sex, especially in Britain. somehow people haven't quite worked out that avoiding a subject will not make it less appealing, in fact the opposite is true.

young people need to know the dangers of sex and how to stay safe, but they also need to know that sex is an part of life. it should not be this big 'issue' to be dealt with - after all reproduction is as normal a bodily function as eating or breathing, every species does it in one form or another.

sex before marriage is a different issue, relating to ones personal beliefs, but without the necessary education young people are not gonna be able to make up their minds on this issue and whatever they decide i don't believe they should be made to feel bad/ in the wrong for that choice.

Hey guys thanks for all the posts. It is real interesting to hear all the responses. I am just so overwhelmed with everything. I just got to talking to the red head and she came over last night. We smoked about a whole pack of cigarettes last night in just 2 hours. She was telling me he ,mistreats her and everything. Not a big surprise. I just feel bad for her as well as myself that we even fell for him. He uses his charm to manipulate women and treats them like dirt. I just hope he grows up. But what you do comes back to haunt you....I just hope he realizes all the mistakes he is making... I mean he is a father to my baby girl-3 yr old- so he needs to grow up.

101

Hang in there 101, when the going gets tough the tough gets going.

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household--note I did not say home!!!!
I also waited to have sex with my husband until we married---do I regret it????
YES!!! Did I make the right decision???? NO!!!!! I was so ignorant about sex it was pathetic!!!!!! If I could go back and do things differently I would and maybe I wouldn't have put up with all the crap I have put up with all these years....

I am a little old to be commenting on this thread but here gooses. I was raised in a close family where we all showered together and had whats called "casually" family nudity. This required having "THE TALK" with my 3 boys and daughter when they were very young.
My daughter became active at 15, which My wife and I Hated, But helped her with birth control and counselling and she is now Married, with two wonderful "PLANNED" children.
One son,married with 5 kids, very happy. One son, though with the same girl for five years, has no kids till both finish School. One son who at 25 has relationships,has no kids cause he is not ready for a life commitment yet.

All I can say is if you love your children, have the "TALK" Early and let them know they can come to you with anything. That will HELP , Not Judge! This worked for my family and I hope will help yours. Good Luck!

Grandpa Roger

I am sorry Rue. Sometimes we make mistakes but we live and learn. And maybe this man isn't the one. It is just something we have to deal with.

thanx 101
I believe that I can learn from everything that happens to me---didn't mean to come off bitter----have to admit though I am afraid to face the truth when it
comes to my relationship--kids involved--ya know

Yeah I know I have a daughter myself. But communication is the key. So just keep at it. It will all be worth it in the end. I had a friend that both her and her husband waited. They were both virgins. I don't think they regret it. But they never knew what it was all about to begin with.

Heh. Well, I'll prolly say something in here that will make someone upset....sorry in advance...

Sex...yeah. You know...I was exposed to certain "aspects" of sex when I was around 15 years old, and the guy was about 4 years older. I experienced a lot of guilt about what happened, and a lot of what happened, I still haven't told my present husband about.

But losing my virginity...yeah, I lost that to the one man I am married to now. We were both virgins, and do we regret that fact? Nah. We fit together perfectly well (I mean emotionally & etc., not just physically), and we have 4 perfect (although not perfectly behaved -- who is? LOL) kids as a result. We did *it* before we were married, yes, and even though we tried to be responsible about it, guess what? Our oldest child is the result. Do we regret waiting? Yes and no. Yes, because we were not yet financially independent (he was in college still and worked only 2 days a week; I lived at my parents' home). No, because we knew we were meant for each other and would love and provide for our daughter as best we could, no matter how hard things got.

And things did get better. We are on our way to owning our present home, he has a pretty good job (tho it's farther from home than we'd like what with present gas prices and all...), and our kids are all happy and healthy.

I ask him sometimes if he wishes he had more "experience" before we met. He always says no. Sometimes he jokes and says "you're more than I can handle sometimes; why would I *need* anyone else??" He says that love (which sex ideally should be PART of) isn't just a feeling, but a choice you make, and he's never loved any other girlfriend he'd ever had.

Did I miss out? Nah. I don't think so, anyway.

~Scarlet~

QUOTE

(sic)".... I just feel bad for her as well as myself that we even fell for him. He uses his charm to manipulate women and treats them like dirt. I just hope he grows up. But what you do comes back to haunt you....I just hope he realizes all the mistakes he is making... I mean he is a father to my baby girl-3 yr old- so he needs to grow up." 101

I remember something I read years ago;

"You are the wisdom, of all that you've survived."

Don't feel bad for yourself that you fell for him. That continues to give him power and influence over your emotions and sense of self worth, even when he's no longer part of your life. (outside of his connect with the daughter you share.)

What you learned in the time you were with him (as is the red head now that she is in his company) showed you what you do not want in a man. It showed you, by how it made you feel to share your life with him for a time, that you deserve better, because true love doesn't hurt or make you feel less than a happy, secure, emotionally balanced person.


To know love, one must first love themself, because unless you know your worthy of love, you will never believe, nor recognize that someone outside of that self is capable of loving what you can not see within.

Stay strong my sister, you are the example of, " woman" on every level of life, for your daughter who is going to grow into the young woman you influenced by that example. That you are friendly with her father for her sake, is a beautiful thing. That you are strong enough to let go of someone who did not love you the way a woman deserves to be loved, will help sustain your daughters sense of self respect as she matures, because you will have taught her that it is important to never settle for less than your worth, in love or life.

QUOTE

Today, 03:58 PM
(sic)"...If I could go back and do things differently I would and maybe I wouldn't have put up with all the crap I have put up with all these years.... " Rue

Dear Rue, I can relate to that statement in so many ways. Someone long ago shared with me the wisdom that helped me to survive it all;

"If your strong enough to stay, your strong enough to leave!"

And if you need support my sister, just look around. You are never alone!

well i figured I'd add my imput here...

sex is not about right or wrong. it is about you, and how you feel. It is about motives, and feelings. An appropiate motive for anyone over the age of 10 should not be "to have fun", so many of my friends look upon sex as a fun activity, almost like watching a movie, its that casual. My first time was when i was 17(I'm 18 now), we loved each other and it felt right. We had an appropiate motive. Her and myself are no longer together,(we both went away to different schools in different countries) but we are still great friends, this experience enhanced our friendship and we be life long friends I believe. It's really all about motives, and what you believe is right or wrong, and if a wrong decision is made, the best thing to do is to learn from the mistake and move on.

anyways thats just my 2 cents.

Peace

Thanks Goddess your a sweetie...

Good advice Granpa. I plan on having the talk with my daughter at age 9.

Earom I was the exact same way at age 17 and I don't regret it at all. People do things in life they must learbn from. I have lived and learned. And I am still learning.

In Islam, an individual's rights are not limited only by rights of the society but also by those of his own body and God. The justification for this is very simple: Islam does not allow a person to harm or destroy himself; and sin or immorality is a means of perdition. This limitation is based on the love and concern which the Merciful God has for us. "Allah does not desire to make any impediment for you, but He desires to purify you and to complete His blessings upon you." (Qur`an 5:6)


The Islamic concept of personal freedom may seem restrictive when compared to that of the secular system, but its rationale and justification is accepted, in an indirect way, even by the secular society. The logical consequences of the secular idea of personal freedom is that a person is allowed to do whatever he likes with himself; the only limitation is that he should not infringe upon the rights of others. But the West has not been able to totally swallow this idea as can be seen in the laws which place restrictions on certain acts, for example, suicide or using narcotic drugs and also the mandatory use of car seat-belts. By using narcotic drugs, the addict is not infringing upon the rights of othersunless. of course, the meaning of infringing upon others' rights is stretched to include spiritual values which are not part of the secular realmbut still the Western society considers it unlawful and takes steps to prevent the addicts from using drugs. This is justified by saying that it is the society's duty to prevent its citizens from harming themselves. In these examples, we see that the secular system is retreating from the logical consequences of its version of individual freedom. The only difference remaining between the secular and the Islamic views is that the former gives the right of restricting to the society while the latter view gives that right to God.

In the Islamic sexual morality: (1) marriage and sex is highly recommended and it is in no way associated with evil, guilt or sin; (2) monasticism and celibacy is unacceptable since it`s against the human nature; (3) marriage is considered a helping factor in attaining spiritual perfection it prevents the Muslims from getting into sins and also enhances the value of their acts of worship. These teachings neutralize the need for a sexual revolution in a Muslim society. Since there is no sexual suppression, the question of a sexual revolution does not arise.

To me it is fine as long as the person you share that moment with is someone really special to you, and as long as you are ready for that kind of thing. I don't think it's right when you just parade around screwing everything that moves.

*cough* I did this once and I got in trouble *cough*

I think Lila said it better than anyone else... trust a woman to use Clothes as an example.

I think Lila said it better than anyone else... trust a woman to use Clothes as an example.

Clothes...if they really want to sell their body that cheap.

Seriously, I see no reason for sex other than reproduction.

My friend....I envy you.

My friend....I envy you.

You do?


It s not like there is no temptation.But it really isn t that hard to resist the urge is it?

First, It depends on your sex.

Second, it depends on your age.

Snake, Like you say having sex is just to procreate. But what about pleasure and those that are infertile these are examples of having sex without producing children... I love kids they are the best.

QUOTE

Seriously, I see no reason for sex other than reproduction.

If you are serious in that observation Snake, then I can say that you are either; speaking from the experience of a virgin, or if sexually active, have never had an orgasm.

In either case, no worries, it's early! (I hope!)

Your kidding right??

I think I agree with snake... woah...

But asking people to resist urges because it might not be the best thing makes you a demon, so I'm usually afraid to go there. Can only say I don't think it's best in my opinion is all or I get slammed. They'll never accept it, because they want instant hedonistic gratification, concequences are imaginary and for old farts or religious nuts.

I don't understand Demon? Please explain a bit?

Sure. Demonized... as in old fart, fuddy duddy, religious nut, killjoy, stuffshirt, tight ass, some kind of monk or hermit, some kind of nun, just because doesn't get any so is jealous, unenlightened, a hinderance to progressive society, someone who wants to enslave peoples freedom of choice, and on and on and on... Not a literal demon, but by saying "makes you a demon" I mean "demonized" or frowned upon, or called names and such.

Abstinence is the #1 best policy and should be encouraged as the #1 first choice.

Saying that means to some that I want chastity belts, no condoms, hate sex, blah blah blah which is untrue, but because some want to feel good about bad decisions I've been called the above or words put in my mouth that are untrue... just because I think abstinence should be strongly encouraged as common social practice.

Edit: said what instead of want up there

Agreed I believe we should also practice abstinence. But often we don't resulting in children and people dying. It is sad. Hey I don't think they make these belts in Florida? lol I should get a patent.

First, It depends on your sex.

Right.I can only talk for the male population.


Second, it depends on your age.

No.It depends on your willpower.


Snake, Like you say having sex is just to procreate. But what about pleasure and those that are infertile these are examples of having sex without producing children... I love kids they are the best.

I have to look infertile up but pleasure....If you consider pleasure as a reason ...


If you are serious in that observation Snake, then I can say that you are either; speaking from the experience of a virgin, or if sexually active, have never had an orgasm.

Yes, I am a virgin and it is going to stay that way for a long time.


Your kidding right??

Have you seen me kidding at least once?


I think I agree with snake... woah...

Strange...huh?


But asking people to resist urges because it might not be the best thing makes you a demon, so I'm usually afraid to go there. Can only say I don't think it's best in my opinion is all or I get slammed. They'll never accept it, because they want instant hedonistic gratification, concequences are imaginary and for old farts or religious nuts.

WTF???YOU ARE SERIOUS??????
I could already see these replys when I wrote mine , and my expectations were met for the most part.It is quite interesting to see that people never even CONSIDERED such an option.

But no I m not asking people to resist the urge , in fact I m quite used to it, it s none of my business.And it s not like I look down upon them or see them as inferior.I would see myself as weak if I can t resist the urge, but that is just me.I don t judge other people that way.

I am proud of you snake to practice self control.

I am proud of you snake to practice self control.


This is not really self-control,it s not a feeling that I have to do this.But the idea of what could become of me when I don t do this and give in to the urge makes me nervous, and it is not only the fear of being weak.

abstinance if it works for you... self control and discipline

but don't forget....

abstinance makes the hand grow fonder.

abstinance if it works for you... self control and discipline

but don't forget....

Again I don t do it because I think I have to.It is a strange feeling from within that keeps me from trying the fruits.It is really hard to explain.


abstinance makes the hand grow fonder.

I may be weak in the moment of failing, but if I don t try it , I have never been strong.