My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat. Sorry!

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you

I've changed my mind.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am..

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Alabama, Georgia and West Virginia)

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

We have been friends for a very long time .

Let's say we stop?

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

I have needed that particular sentiment quite a few times!

I think I will start making some cards now...

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Alabama, Georgia and West Virginia)

I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED!!!!
J/k. I am from Ga though, and proud to say that i have NEVER!! And will NEVER!!! Ew!

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

Oh, God! I love that one!

Actually, I've seen this one before on a card rack.

These are funny, though!