In my family this is a big deal, Should we as parents choose our childs religion???
Do we do more harm or good by this practice???? For me I Certainly express and live a viewpoint which very clearly gives an example of my awareness of God?

As a parent I know that for a time I am my childs definition of all things, until they begin to think for themselves ( We refer to that as Rebellion) As parents if our child chooses to find their own path to God should we insist they see God in our way or allow them to see God in their own way? Do our children have our okay to question our values?


I'd apprciate your perspective on this whether you have children or not.

to some extend a parent should,but who are they to decide what religion is right for them?

I would say that you should express your own views on religion to your child, but don't punish them if they disagree or have their own views. Preaching good morals (Love, tolerance, mercy, and other religion-neutral morals that are widely esteemed), and letting them use these morals to find what they believe may be the best path for you to take.

my parents raised me catholic. I am atheist. This doesn't mean that my mother loves me any less, To quote from Batman, "its not what you are inside, its what you do that defines you". It shouldn't matter what path your children take, as long as it makes them happy. You are their mother and with motherhood comes unconditional love. Show them that you Love them no matter what, and you will find that perhaps they will follow in your footsteps.

We should raise them to be aware of religion. All of it.. every stem of it. let them make an informed choice later on and support what they choose.

absolutly... exposure is good. Parents shouldn't feel that their religion is like a "legacy" that must be continued with their children.

Children should be exposed to all sects, religious and non, so that they may make an informed decision at the right time in life.

Think of it this way... you never make an uninformed decision before purchasing a car, why would you make an uninformed decision when choosing a religion? A car will deteriorate after a few years, but what you choose as your faith will be with you for your life.

Teach him about God himself instead of presenting him/her with religion then the rest will be up to him/her, we can't choose other ppl's own path, after someone knows what God is about it's up to us to follow his path or not.

We should let our children decide who and what they want to follow.

How can you let them decide if you never teach them. Teach them while their young then once they get older they are on their own then they decide I say.

Well they wouldn't know about religion unless we told them, but what if we gave them sources or people from a number of religions and let them here what each religion is like. But we shouldn't tell them what to believe, especially if it isn't in their wish to do so.

What I plan on doing with my children decide. I was raised Catholic, baptised and crap all when I was 5, but I more follow the Buddist religion.

a parents role is to protect and educate.

in this sense a parent should open as many doors as possible to a child and guide them on thier path. teach spirituality and religion the same way one teaches all other topics. teach each one as part of the greater framework. teach them all within their historical and cultural contexts.

if you don't have any background in the areas it is your opportunity to learn as well. learn with your child as well as teach your child, and never be afraid of having your child teach you something as well.

Does this not come down to whether faith is a matter of choice or not. This is not an unimportant question. For my part, faith is wholly outside the realms of choice, and you can no more choose to believe something than you can choose your ethnicity. If you believe that faith is 'unchoosable', then what point in advocating one denomination over another; if you believe it is 'choosable' then why 'choose' for your child?

Devil's advocate, I'm playing.

I do think there's a lot to be said for instilling the virtues of religion - caring for others, turning the other cheek, sanctity of life - in children, but not that they should be indoctrinated with one particular strand, one particular church, until they're old enough to make their own choices.

Like someone told here earlier, tell your kids about your God. Teach them and show them what kind he is. But leave them and yourself open-minded. In time they will choose by themselves, what suits themselves the best,e be it Buddha or Allah.

Most important is that you support them, whatever they choose (as long as it isnt Satan, worshipping evil shows they have something wrong in their head).

I'm a stay at home Mom, lots of kids running in and out lots of diversity I live in Southern California, (not saying we are more diverse ) Kids are talking God let me tell you I am amazed at the things I hear, so unless you live on an island religion is a very common thread that runs through society, The main thing I hear ( kids aged 5 through 13) Church is boring, all of my kids friends believe in Hell,



Does it matter more that my child is brought up in the ways of the lord as specified by the Bible, or that my child is a good perosn and that in the end it only matters (to you) the person you have been?? My Dad takes the first position, I the second. Why would I need to use fear as a means to teach, why isn't love enough> Doesn't Love always prevail, Shouldn't I teach my child to see the perfection in all things? Or is that not my place but religions job, How could religion do a better job than me? these are the issues in my family? Any thoughts my friends.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"

The same principle applies here. You should show your kids what religion you practice, but let them decide. Myself, I'm raising my kids up Christian, but ultimately it's their choice if they want to follow or not.

Of course it matters more that that your child will be a good person, but you can use religion and God to help them become a good person. I don't mean that going to church is important. I mean that showing that God loves them and that they are very important to him and you, you give them self-confidence. There's a lot of bad people there who believe in God as well and are very religious. So religion and God alone don't do any good.

You don't have to use fear as a mean to teach them. Sometimes it's just easier. Like telling them to wash their teeth, otherwise the boogey man will come and take all your teeth. Or you could just tell them the plain truth. That teeth will rot away if you wont wash them. Basically it's the same. It's just showing them the reality. There's always consequences for every action.

if you beleive spirituality is a personal thing, then you should teach both "what YOU see as perfection" and as many tools as you can to allow your child to find his/her own view of perfection.

when it comes to things like religous texts, i say teach that "some people think of this book as...., but i see it as...." above all else it is important to teach an understanding between "my view" and "the view".

teach spirituality (whatever that means to you) separate from the mythos of all the religions. teach what religions are in the social context (what role they have played in all of man's societies). teach the common themes of the religions for in these themes you find the nature of man.

be careful with subjective terms such as "good person". teach how they are relative and not absolute (when the child is ready).

traits that allow for the functioning and success of the child in the world are what are important, not where they come from.

Doccy you hit on something big here, that I have even over looked, there are Universal laws put into place that for every action there is a consequence. You also said "sometimes its just easier to use fear to get them to do something, See I want my kids to do things because its easier to be Good and I'm concerned (very )that religion uses Fear as its main teaching tool. Straight across the board some more or less than the others but nonetheless Fear is the main idea. (I am not bashing you I hope you do not take this that way) So can we agree that maybe experience may be the best teacher and that if I focus on cultivating my childs Gooodness I may have an effective way to teach, even though my Dad totally Disagree's?????

Sure we can agree. It's you who's the mother anyway. Mothers with a healthy mind know best how to raise their kids. You are an important example to them. So be careful what you will do or say in front of them. Beat them and they will beat their close ones. Show them love and they will show love to their close ones. That's the way it works.

Doccy, that was very simply and beautifully put, I don't know if you have children but if you do you are an amazing Mom and if not you will be an amazing Mom.

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Well said TaintedDoughnuts, Well said!

I couldn't have said it any better!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm Catholic, but I haven't practiced my religion for some time now. I drifted from the church, because I have views and beliefs that differ from the teachings of the church; so that's one of the reasons that I haven't attended Mass in a long time.

But I'll always be Catholic, it's just that I'm not a very good practicing one - at this time.

I was too. Until i found out I can talk to the father without a priest! It is awesome to talk to the father without a human claiming he can and I can't!

You cannot force anyone to "choose" our religion.

As hyper pointed out, it would be good to teach all religions and faiths to your child. Unfortunately, whatever we teach will be colored by our own faith. I can teach someone about Buddhism, but it will be clear that I do not see that as the true path and I can teach Christianity, and it will be immediately apparent that I believe it to be truth.

A practicing Christian cannot help but impose their own belief's on a child. If my wife and I (assuming I was married and had a child of course ) go to church, what are we to do? Leave our six year old at home alone? Tell them that what they hear in Sunday school may not be the truth, even though we believe it is?

You know what I'm saying......

Until next time,

BFG,

you are correct that separating your beliefs from your teachings is difficult. logic dicates that one separate the teacher from the lesson though. teach your children to think logically and for themselves first and foremost. a smoker telling you smoking is bad does not negate the message, even though an illogical response is "but you do it".

i think today it is getting easier to teach children the many different belief structures out there thanks to increased multiculturalism and the internet (?). When i was growing up i was the "odd one out" to say the least to be exposed to eastern philosophy/religion at an early age (amung other topics). Perhaps my parents were just ! It is true that most people raise their children in a limited fashion based on the premis that what they believe is the correct belief (even if they have never experienced anything else). Nothing is more permiating than ignorance.

I really do see a parent's role wrt education being that of a guide who opens as many doors as possible for the child (and encourages travel through those doors), but ultimately allows the child to find his/her own path. Being humble is not easy. Allowing a student to challenge you is not easy. I think that the best teachers are those that allow the student to challenge. Anything less is more akin to indoctorination into a way of thought. I personally think people NEED to see things from multiple perspectives to understand anything (and need to understand how to dismiss preconditioning).

It is ultimately a battle against our own biology. We become ingrained because it is efficient. We need to always exercise our fluidity of thought.

I know my example teaches my children, I have to be on my toes to get past my kids, my kids don't miss a thing, I have an older child grown and gone and two younger and believe me if I learned anything our kids are us for awhile until they begin define themselves. I was my parents to at one time until I saw it wasn't working and the hardest thimg I did was take responsibility and think for myself. I agree with you Hyperactive you need to be diverse and constantly check yourself because these will be adults one day contributing to the betterment of mankind. This isn't an easy answer subject,(all parents do their best based on their understandings) I myself cannot support a religion I myself am not over joyed and happy about, I think by example I can set an example of Gratitude and happiness and a joy for life and truthfulness, and kindness for others and generosity of heart.

One of the problems with teaching children about religion is that most religions believe that their religion is the only way. So no matter what religious background you have, you'll tend to put your own religion in a better light than the others. I really have my own beliefs and don't really belong to any grouping whatsoever. However, I do believe that all religions are just different paths to the same summit.

when I have kids, I plan on leading them in the christian faith, encourage them to study scripture,etc... and ultimatly their choice of faith will be their own.

I was talking to my dad a while back cause I felt that I wasnt (for lack of better words) devout enough. he told me something like "its allright, all kids will be bored about religion, they wanna do other things besides sitting an hour or so in church. enjoy your childhood because somewhere along the boarderline of late teen/adulthood the dependence on a faith will kick in".

Nah thats not right at all. That is like hard wiring it into their brain. training them into a religion. Children do not really understand religion at all. Most kids will mindlessly follow any religion they are given by their parents in thinking that its actually important in life and you can't life without it.

As a person matures they should then be taught about religion.

There is absaloutly no point in teaching religion to a child. Unless you want to train them into your way of thinking.


Lets say there is a kid named bobby. Hes a few months old. Do you baptise bobby? Did boby ask for this ? -- I think not.

Now little bobby is five. What are you going to do? Say to him " hey heres a few religions, study them and decide which you want to follow"

Thats ridiculous and even tho little bobby can read the stuff on these religions, he will never really grasp and understand the bigger picture.

There is no need for religion in a childs life. Im sure its well worth learning about in later life. probably high school. or at around 12 years of age.


And I don't believe that a parents should be stamping a religion on a childs head when they are born.

Some good points, Whoa. I do not like infant baptism. It serves no purpose and often only gets in the way of true worship of God.

I also agree that it would be good to let a child decide about religion later in life. However it is simply not practical. If I go to church every Sunday with my hypothetical wife and hypothetical 7 year old, am I to tell them not to listen in Sunday School because it might not be the right thing for them when they get older.

Or am I to leave my hypothetical child at home alone for fear of indoctrination.

Just a thought. All the best,

also note BFG, the indoctorinated are not going to think about it the way you just put it.

But of course

The only respectable Christians are the Baptists, who baptise adults which have chosen their fate themselves and who haven't got brainwashed as children.

This is a personal question really, and something which was bought up before and turned into a flame war.

Personally, when and if I have children, I'd raise them with my beliefs. If they, of their own free will decided to choose differently, it's their own perogative, I'm not a dictator. I believe faith should be of your own free will, otherwise what's the point?. You should really mean it, not lip service it.

Having said that, I have a diverse religious background. Both my parents are Christian, but my father is Orthodox, my mother RC. My mother tried out Buddhism for a while (but still believed in God), and we started pracicing Judaism when I was about 13. So, I was Baptised Orthodox, then I was, as much as I and my mother pleaded in my Catholic school's convent, to make my Communion, refused. Yes, They refused to give me Communion, I still have no idea why. However, the revoked tht and finally, alowed me to make my Communion and the priest who ultimately was behind th objection got sent away for 'solitude' elsewhere. Made my Confirmation in 6th grade, not long after my mother looked into Buddhism, and after that we started Judaism. However, we still, obviously believed in Jesus. So really, it's a mixture of both religions. And since then I've found many lost books, so my beliefs are quite diverse. The bottom line is I believe in God, I believe Jesus as His Son, Mary, angels, saints, but I follow the rules of od as they are actually written and do not accept the man-made rule additions. I can make up my own mind.

Ashley that was a very beautiful post, I have children they ask lots of questions
We are spiritual which basically means that We come up with our own ideas about God based on personal experience and tht God lives within. I love Buddism and many of the eastern religions yet I have also found truth and beauty everywhere, I don't believe sacredness is found in one place, God is all there is to me. I believe all paths lead to god. We would never dream of insisting our children believe like us (of course the main messages of how I live my life will rub off) I have rock solid trust in God and I know that whatever path my kid is on God is with them and they will get to God. I feel the creator knows whats she is doing .

I believe we as parents should guide our child(ren) in the right path. Not necessarily religion but with good morals. I know I was raised Christian. But I also could have choosen to become a different one if I chose. But as a child I knew that this is what was right. I just decided to be a christian. I don't know much about other religions. But I do a little now. I think all are interesting. But we have to pick what is right to us.

They will eventually choose their own one day...thats for sure but you are not hurting them by taking them with you to your church...the important thing is that you do things together as a family. Guide them along the way so as not let preists or nuns have to much influence over their young impressionable minds. They are there mainly to learn what to do and not do in society. Gaurd them against self-righteousness and being over zealous. In other words dont let them take it too seriously...because "the way" is different for all of us. Regards.

We allow the grandparents to take the kids to church. But at the same time we ensure that everything they are taught there is approached with reason. We never push our beliefs, however, we teach them to use their own brain and decide for themselves what is possible.

We have to let the choose what they want to asociated with.

Well put it this way - ya can't leave them at home alone - can you?

So if you are a practicing 'something' - they are tagging along for the ride.

But IMO - it is better to be raised within a faith than out of one.

No, your child's religion is not your choice. Its not rebellion either. And damn straight they can question your values. All you can do is to let them see your prefered way and thats it. He/she should decide for themselves. It would be selfish, one-sided, and unreasonable of you to choose your own son or daughters religion.

I think that we should allow our children to find God in there own time but we can point them in the right direction.

If the parent didn't teach their child about religion how would the adult have anything to go on to make a decision for themselves later? As a parent you do what you think is right for your child. So you teach them the things that you believe; support the choices that they make on their own, all the while hoping that they do what is right.....probably hoping they do what you want; which is natural since as we already know everyone thinks they are right? So to answer the original post, of course you need to teach your child your own belief system what else would you teach them? that's like asking should you teach your child to respect or the basics of right and wrong, those are things that a child needs to have a basis of so that they have enough info later on in their own life.....but just my opinion

No I don't think anyone should force a belief system on anyone. You don't need a religion to be a moral person. I was raised by parents that were atheist and agnostic. I am a moral person, and was one before I became a Pagan.
Everyone has their own Path. You can teach your children about your religion, give them access to learn about other belief systems and in the end they will make the choice that will fit in their life. If you give them a good understanding of all religions it will save them from falling into cults.
I have one kid that turned Christian on me. He is happy so I am happy. I even went to church with him for his baptism and much to his surprise I behaved. He was really never raised with a particular religion. I didn't become Pagan until he was a teen and I would have never even thought about forcing it on him. I taught him about it along with other religions.
The only thing I forced my kids to do was read. I guided their reading but never actually picked books for them other than handing them a book saying this is cool check it out.
Many people who come to Paganism were forced into a belief system as children. Some have no idea about other religions and they are lost. I tell them to go and look into all religions and decide what makes the most sense to them. If they still want to become Pagan I am glad to help them out.
Religion is like a pair of shoes, it has to fit.

This is a touchy topic, and I've posted in it before in another thread like many others.

You should NEVER choose your childs religion. NEVER. Just beacause -- for example -- you were born and raised Christian, doesn't mean your child is going to be a Christian, or even wants to be a Christian.

Instead of just throwing a religion at a child, let the child learn. For example, instead of talking about God, ETC around small children, talk about other things. Try and keep your religion out of the matters until the child either knows enough to make their own choice and have a say in the matter or you know the child is ready.

Forcing beliefs on a child is no different than a priest trying to convert a town of "heathens." Knowledge of all religions and beliefs is vital if anyone wants to find their true path, and keeping religion out of their face until they are ready is the only way someone can have an easy job.

Growing up Christian, I believed everything I heard from my parents about religion; although it wasn't a whole lot. I believed I would go to hell if I did anything bad to people, and constantly asked God for forgiveness in my head for anything I did that I thought might be wrong; even wrong thoughts. Now, having learned about all the religions and taken a fairly neutral stance, I can make an educated choice. If you want your child to be able to make an educated choice, I highly advise against forcing anything upon them.

Don't just believe in something because you want to, because it sounds nice, out of fear or out of love; believe in something because you can feel it's truth and message in the core of your being.

Darkwind, once again, I strongly agree. ^

Darkwind and Raven, thankyou both for such heart felt suggestions, I agree with both of you. I too have a child that chose a religon that was not what I would of chose but it is his right and in spite of it I do the same as you darkwind that is embrace and honor his path, I agree with know all the religions don't be afraid of them but in the end the only truth you should follow is the one you find in your heart. I am not familiar with Pagan what is that?????? Namaste Sheri Berri


Raven I was raised Catholic for the early years of my life and I could identify with you I didn't sleep much I was terrified if I died I ws going to Hell, My youth should of been filled with joy and wonder not nite terrors, Thank God for my grandmother who told me God was in my heart and never look any where else or believe otherwise, I do the same for my kids, Some religions (not all) can be very crippling for many years we have to as parents really put thought into this, I came from a generation that had serious issues with there lives due to religion, I don't think its childs play.

My wife and I agreed that our daughter would be allowed to choose her own path. To that end, we have studied (the 3 of us) different methods of worship, and have attended services for several, including RC.

When she has a question about a certain type of religion, we research and find the answers together. One day, she will choose a path that is correct for her, and we will support that choice.

JMPD that is a very excellent idea, I would do the same . Namaste Sheri berri