Wife 1.0 Just Released


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you please help me !!!???

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER


------------------------------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support

Simply priceless.

old joke,but it may bear some truth to it.

the box should come with a warning: "stay away from women. all they want is...." (well you read the joke)

Let me guess. You are single???

PS Love the joke!

nope.

i am either being light hearted, given this is the jokes section.

or

i am passing on sage advice.

i will leave it to you to figure out.

thats an awesome joke It may be old but its new to me!

was new to me to

Heard a variation on it before, but it's still great. Two thumbs up.

i've heard it before, but it's still great.

never heard of it but glad i did

Light hearted stereotypes have there place...I'd love to rewrite that joke from the wifes point of veiw, but I find that generally gets me into trouble.

Lol, New to me. Too cute.

i can just imagine!

"it didn't come with a warning that the file would expand to fill the entire harddrive and then refuse to run", or "it didn't come with a warning that the attractive windowing of the program would one day just start to load improperly, leaving messy window remants laying across the screen" (weight gain and hair loss, respectively)

Heh, heh.

awesome superb priceles =)

I have never heard of that joke before.