Alright.
I was thinking back to earlier this year when I heard a story about a gifted individual.
This was the end of February or the beginning of March. During that period we had unseasonably hot, dry weather here in the Portland area. Some genius in a community on the outskirts of Portland decides he wants to use a propane weed burner to get rid of a patch of blackberry vines. Around these vines is grassy fields. This could not have ended well and didn't.
The man used open flame to rid himself of some blackberry bushes and suffered the consequences. The grass caught fire and was carried by the wind, eventually burning 3 acres of fields and a bee keeper's barn before firefighters got it put out.

This guy was a special kind of stupid. Please list your sightings of these here.

Meh, I go into school 5 days a week to listen to drug addicts teasing people in third world country's, and organising 'attacks' on Muslims

Hmm, let's see. There's such a wealth of possibilities here. Thinking...

Okay, here's a good one. It would've been better if you were there, but here goes. About a month ago at my office, some birds had started "nesting" in one of the trees in the middle of the parking lot. Every time someone would get anywhere near this tree, the birds would dive bomb them. Well, one day, a guy was walking into the deli at the end of the building. The birds got him. Did he run or duck and cover his head? Nope. He stopped and looked up. The bird buzzed him again and he tried to whack it (missed). So, he goes inside, gets his lunch and comes back out. He's watching for the bird. I saw that the evil bird had perched over the deli, and fancifully, I thought it was waiting for him. He steps off to the the side of the building and gets a big stick and heads for his truck. He went all the way around the edge of the parking lot (his truck was in the middle) looking for the bird the whole time. When he gets to a point that is farthest away from the building and halfway across the parking lot to his truck, the bird struck. He's standing there in the middle of the drive waving the stick at the bird who's expertly dodging it. The bird buzzed him again, he flung the stick up into the air, and it came back down and hit him in the head. I was DYING. It was so funny. He finally got to his truck, but was seriously impeded by the bird. Oh God, I laughed for a good 15 minutes.

^ I'd pay to see that

The guy should have just gotten into his truck and left.

The stupidest thing I saw was gratefully, hilarious. One night at a friends house everyone was drinking and I usually sat and just watched the group carry on, knowing me and beer don't mix. The Mr. Smooth of the group decided he could score a three-pointer with his beer bottle all the way across the room. Fortunately for me there was a ceiling fan in the middle of the room that boomeranged the beer bottle back at his thick skull leaving a pouring gash. I cracked up, he tried to mutter that it wasn't funny before he also began dying of laughter.

Exactly. Folks, if you're ever attacked by a bird, just duck your head and walk calmly to your vehicle. Only a couple of people I saw did this, and it worked.

That beer bottle thing is hilarious. I got a good mental on that one.

geez... birds are crazy mofo's once there was this baby bird that fell onto the ground, so I pick him up thinking, "yeah, I'll stick him in a tree so he doens't become lunch" then all those stupid birds try to dive bomb me, none of them get me, but still, so eventually I gave up and let him hop away... he was fat... and a baby crow... ahh well that happened like when I was in kindergarten or first grade... I don't remember first grade at all, only one memory of it.

lol i remember seeing two stupid things that i planned out

the 1st one

me and my friend were playing basket ball and i put some sand on a certain part of the ground, we were playin 3 on 3 a guy missed the shot, my friend got the ball and started runnin really fast when he got to the part where the sand was, he slipped and he had shorts on and he tore a lot alot of skin from the back of his leg,
there was some blood but i cudnt help but to laugh,cause when he slipped the ball fell down and hit him on the nuts after a while i felt bad for him

the 2nd time was when i was talkin to him and i super glued the bottom of the chair to the ground,this was out side and his feet were under the table ::one of those rolling tables :: he was tryin to lean back rlly hard he pulled really hard and he got loose but his feet hit the table ,it was glass and it wasnt held up dat good, it was one of those thin ones on the edge, and the table started to fall down , he grabbed the table because he didnt want it to break ,::my table :: and instead of it slipping off it fell on him, it started to slide down on him, the part that hit him in the head broke on contact...... soooo funy i was dying for half an hour

was even laughin at the hospital

This isn't actually a story but...

I have a neighbor who owns a huge lawn tractor (the kind you ride on). The thing that makes this stupid is that his lawn is only 10 x 12 feet. It cracks me up every time I see him mowing his tiny lawn on that thing.

OMG, Source, that's pretty funny. Listen, my "neighbors" across the street moved in a couple of months ago. When they moved in, I thought they'd be better than the last ones. They got out there with their 6 kids and mowed, raked, trimmed, and cleaned the whole thing. They started putting up a fence (never finished), started building a shed (ditto), and put up an awning for their boat. Sooo, the thing is, they got out there and seriously cleaned this yard up. For what? To JUNK it back up! Just last weekend they had a truck drop off TIRES. Not one or two, but a stack about 10 ft long and 4 ft high. There's empty boxes out front on the ground and miscellaneous other trash. The porch looks like Martha's worst nightmare with a swing, upside down milkcrate (aka. Redneck end table), a radio that apparently doesn't work because they blast mountain music from one of the various trucks in the yard, and various other paraphernalia (sp?). Oh well, at least they've now put a tent up in the front yard to kind of hide the disaster area.

the stupidest thing i have ever seen was when me and my friends went to the movies to see star wars , and 3 of them started doing shrooms as soon as it started. for most of the movie they were trippin like hell, before we got kicked out 1 of them yeled out "the lepricon is going to kill me and the worm things gonna eat me" we started to laugh our a$ses off.

well good thing they hadnt got arrested if they did

Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.

At least they wouldn't dirty up the gene pool...

man talkin bout going out with a bang

Them boys are really shining examples of humanity. I think that is even better than the genius I posted about.

Can anyone say, "Darwin Award"?

Darwin Award

wus da darvin award ?

in my old neighborhood there was these annoying guys on motorcycles. everyday zoom zoom "im so sweet, look at me go fast, i must have a huge <edit>" kind of guys. ya know the type. anyway one day i was pulling out of my neighborhood onto the main road, and oh, here they come, not one two or three but four of them, STANDING ON THEIR MOTORCYCLES (no helmet of course, cuz who needs a helmet when you dont have a brain!!!!). Fortunately for me, just as they are passing the intersection, one of the idiots loses control, tries to sit back down on his motorcycle; but neigh, he falls of and hits the pavement rather hard. I slowly turn across the intersection roll down my window, honk, point, laugh very loud. i know he was o.k. cuz as i passed him he sat up on the pavement to finger me, but hey im not the complete tool who wanted everyones attention until i made an ass out of myself. everyday after that when i saw that guy, i would smile and wave at him, but he acted as if he didnt see me. ah good times, good times.

***edited for humorous, yet slightly inappropriate language*** Fluffy

Darwin Awards 2004

So how are the Darwin Awards actually determined?

Nominees significantly improve the gene pool by eliminating themselves from the human race in an obviously stupid way. They are self-selected examples of the dangers inherent in a lack of common sense, and all human races, cultures, and socioeconomic groups are eligible to compete. Actual winners must meet the following criteria:

Reproduction
Out of the gene pool: dead or sterile.
Excellence
Astounding misapplication of judgment.
Self-Selection
Cause one's own demise.
Maturity
Capable of sound judgment.
Veracity
The event must be true.

[ What about kids? ]
[ Why so many men? ]

Not a Darwin (but not safe either)
* Whizzing on an electric wire
* Smoking in an oxygen tent
* Being hit by a train or automobile
* Aerosol cans, etc., in the oven
* Climbing into zoo cages
* Falling off precipice while posing or pissing
* Carbon monoxide poisoning
* Most autoerotic deaths
* all too common!

Killing others: The death of innocent bystanders absolutely rules out a Darwin Award. We don't applaud those who take others out of the gene pool, even if they share some DNA in common.

What are they?

The Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives: by eliminating themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chance of long-term survival. In other words, they are cautionary tales about people who kill themselves in really stupid ways, and in doing so, significantly improve the gene pool by eliminating themselves from the human race.

These individuals carry out disastrous plans that any average pre-teen knows are the result of a really bad idea. The single-minded purpose and self-sacrifice of the winners, and the spectacular means by which they snuff themselves, make them candidates for the honor of winning a Darwin Award. The terrorist who mails a letter bomb with insufficient postage deserves to win a Darwin Award when he blows himself up opening the returned package. As does the fisherman who throws a lit stick of dynamite for his faithful golden retriever to fetch and return to him. As do the surfers who celebrate a hurricane by throwing a beachfront party and getting washed out to sea.

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards represent examples of evolution in action by showing what happens to people who are unable to cope with the basic dangers of the modern world. These ironic tales of fatal misadventure illustrate some of life's most important lessons.

Most of us know instinctively that the words "trust me" and "light this fuse" are a recipe for disaster. We assume that basic common sense eliminates the need for public service announcements such as, "Warning: Coffee is hot!" and "Superman cape does not enable wearer to fly." But the true stories you will read show that common sense is really not so common. No amount of overzealous caution would have helped the man who used household current to electrocute fish in a pond, then waded in to collect his catch without removing the wire. As you'll see, there are even people who need to be told not to peek inside a gas can using a cigarette lighter.

The Darwin Awards are macabre tales that make us laugh while instructing us in the laws of common sense. Consider the man who crawled under the roller coaster guardrail to retrieve his hat. When the next coaster came by, an unfortunate rider broke her leg on his skull. Ouch! From our point of view, the man who lost his head is a Darwin Award winner, and his story is just another episode in the saga of survival of the fittest.

The Darwin Awards can be considered a rusty chromosome award for those who douse the gene pool with chlorine.

I work at Lowe's. For those of you who don't have one near you it's a home improvement store and a very large one at that. Anywho, we even have a department that can custom cut your window blinds for you to fit exactly to your window measurements. Well, when there is someone there and they cannot find a department personal to help them all they have to do is hit a buttom and it will send out an annoucement that "customer needs assistance in the blind cutting area". And that will continue to play every minute until an employee helps the customer. I work at the register checking out the customers. And I had this nice lady walk up to me as they were announcing that there was a customer in the blind cutting area and tell me " I thought they meant blind as in couldn't see area. I was wondering how they were going to cut when they couldn't see." HEHEHEHEHE. I laughed and told her I would have to share that with the rest of them in the break room.

So tonight, me and my dad are driving home Then, some idiot runs across the road, cutting us off. They pull up their hood so we cant see their face. Then, when we drive by, they look TOWARDS us. That, is genius.

On the last day of camp, we where all sat down talking. One of the counsellors says "Man, Im pretty tired from my allergy medication". I ask him what kind of allergy it was and he says that he had hay fever. My particularly slow blonde friend chimes in, and she says "DOnt give it to me!". That, is also genius.

Ok, try this one on for size... I'm sure this one will be a favourite around town soon enough.

This lady walked in and looked around, saw that we didn't sell her favourite beer. She walks out without a fuss, buys from across the street and all is well...

Until she storms into the wrong store to try getting a refund on an open beer because it was too warm to drink in her truck. To compensate her for her pain, she wanted a refund, a free case of 40's, and two icebags- if I refused, she'd take me to court for unlawful business practice. When I tried to explain to her that no store would do that, she tried playing discrimination(she was a regular), race(she told me to quit being a white person, and I'm not white either!), and sex(I'm a woman too, you blind b****!), she demanded to talk to the cops.

Here's the part that made me really laugh... when she told the cops that she had threatened a clerk to give her a refund and $25.00 free merchandise because the opened beer she was planning to drink in a moving vehicle wasn't ideal drinking temperature, and that she wanted to press charges, the dispatcher actually began laughing his ass so loud I could hear it from where I was standing. They told her to hand me the phone, and they told me to get her plate number for if she left- she would be under arrest in two minutes.

While on my home from Kevdogster's house this evening, I stopped at the local Village Pantry to pick up some provisions. Upon pulling into the parking lot I see a man and woman screaming at one an other behind the building. Being a curious person, I decided to to see what was up. The man told me to mind my own flippin business and be on my way. I did not oblige him so he turned to approach me. The woman was crying by now and looked a bit roughed up. I told him to stand where he was and called the police on my cell phone (can't hurt, right?). He then lost interest in me and returned to abusing his wife (as I found out later they were married). The cops arrive and talk to the couple for a moment and the guy just takes off running. He is quickly tackled to the ground and handcuffed. Turns out he was drunk and on probation so off to jail he went. The woman, her name was Cece, was not comfortable taking a ride from the cops so I told her I would take her home. She asked me to walk her inside because it was dark and she was shaken up. We walk into her apt. and she asks me if I would like to meet her daughter. I say sure while thinking- what the hell. She returns from a bedroom with a child of about two on her hip and introduces me. I asked her who was watching her baby while she and her husband were out drinking to which she told me no one; they were not gone that long. So now I feel that I must make a phone call to social services in the morning. I would have called the police, again, but they would not be able to do anything tonight. *sigh* Why can't people just take care of their kids? So sad.

The sad part is most of the time SS will not even help the kids who really need it, I will never, never understand why some people are allowed to reproduce!

Wow, that is pretty darn funny. I had to read through all of those. The whole time, I was thinking about if there was something that I could post...and it was only until a couple of posts ago that I even got an idea. They're probably not applicable for this section, but a certain someone wants me to post something...¬.¬;; -Glare at Rhomphaia.-

first one
There's this friend I used to have (not a friend even, just an aquaintance), who was...wow. She was your stereotypical blonde, added with the combination that she was what I am very sure is considered on the lowest levels of 'trailor trash.' She's fat, and at the same time, the biggest exhibitionist ever. It's terrible, I swear.

Anyway...I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons with some friends, and she says...something. It sounded something along the lines of "Heebedebehurblebunkaburblefung." It was true gibberish.

Blessed be, one of the other friends among us spoke the thought that was on all of our minds: "Was that even english?" She was so upset.

I won't even go into how she went around to stuffing a cat into her tubetop, while a poor sixteen year old guy was staring in horror...

Someone who needs to remove herself from the gene pool. Her mother did bad enough (I understand she's just as worse) giving birth to this girl, so...


second one
Last week, I believe, I came home from work. Being the sucker for computers I am, I went on the computer, slipped on the headphones, and just began doing my usual routines. This is when I hear my dad call my name, and do his usual "c'mere!" whenever he sees something funny. He points to the window, I look.

There is someone, with a long, rectangular box slipped over their body, walking down the street. All you can see is their feet. On each side, there was a face. A smiley, a sad face, an angry face, and a generally blank face. Apparently, as we're both laughing our butts off, it sees us, walks just up to the curb to our front yard, and stands there, with the smiley face pointed at us. Just staring.

After a few moments, we all go our seperate ways. Mr. Box continues down the street, to further make a fool of himself, or make someone's day. Probably both.

I look back about ten minutes later, and here it comes, walking back up the street, past our yard, with the angry face pointed at us. That's when I sort of lost it.


Anyway, there's a moth dive bombing me. It's scary.

I did call SS and WIC the next morning. Both agencies are so swamped that there is nothing they can do aside from sending a liaison to visit with the family. Since I am not in a position of authority ( ie teacher, counselor, social worker a person connected with the child) my observations are not admissible for legal action in any way, shape or form.
Poor baby, its not her fault her parents are morons.

Okay, my son and I were watching a show on MTV called "Meet the Barker's" and in the opening shot the guy gets out of bed and runs into the bathroom to throw up all the liquor he drank the night before. His wife comes to the bathroom door to see if he is okay, just as he opens it to come out. In that split second, the camera is focused on the toilet but right beside it you can see a bidet...My (12 year old ) son says really excitedly "OMG Mom!!!!!! Check out his low sink!!!!!!!! (Please tell me you know what a bidet is, otherwise it isn't has funny.)

my cousin got in a car accident so he went to the hospital with the dude who was also in the car , his sister started seeing a guy he didnt approve of. She started seeing him when he was in the hospital. When he got back he still had the whole out fit on and on of the guys had to get this thing put in this fore head
(youll get the funny part of that later ) so when he got home there was a bunch of people there (including me ) so the guy called his other sister picks up the phone
and asks for the sister who he is dating. the 2nd sister asks who is this ,he asks for the 1st sister, etc. So she hangs up. My cousin asks who was that,2nd sister saiz no body. A minute passes he calls back the 2nd sister picks up the phone, same scenario. she hangs up. the 3rd time he calls , my cousin picks up the phone and is like WTF is this , and stop callin here . The guy being a retard asks for the 1st sister. My cousin figured out who it was. turns out the guy is callin outside the apartment building so me him and the guy who was in the car when he crashed
went around . my cousin was on crutches he gave one of them to the other guy
everytime the guy ran the plastic thing shook it was so funny
so while they were arguing with him i slipped up and grabbed his arms while they beat him with the crutches . this was hilarious after a while i let go cause i felt bad for him. after a while he called the cops on us . cops came ,didnt belive a single word he said. they were like get the fook out of here.

Clubarm's boxman story reminded me...

So the other day I heard a loud scraping noise coming from the street in front of my house. I looked out my door and a shirtless hillbilly was pushing a big screen TV on casters up the street, and there was a Big Gulp perched atop it.

I asked him if he had everything under control and he says to me, "That b!tch kicked me out, but I says not without my TV and she says well you better take it now or I'm gonna kick the sh%t out of it."

I wished him well and he continued up the street. But when he tried to turn the corner, the Big Gulped spilled all over the TV and Shirtless Hillbilly tried to catch it. He let go of the TV and it rolled backwards, hit the curb and landed on its side.

Made my day.

I spotted a really stupid person in my mirror this morning.

On a family holiday to Spain, many years ago, my dad, my mum, my sister and I were out for a walk. My sister was only about six years old at the time, and was very gullible. My dad had told her not to step in the cracks on the pavement, and if she did, a monster would eat her. Now I know she was only young, and that explains her believing my dad, the next thing she done was so incredibly stupid. along the path, there were very thick trees, with really low, thick branches. The Perfect hight for little sisters head. Yes, while avoiding the cracks in the pavement, she walked straight into a huge tree. Then my mum blamed my dad for not watching out for her I never laughed at her so much in my life.

rofl!! i wish i'd seen that!!!

I get to watch lesser minds of my age pretending there cool because they swear... My school is full of f'ed up ppl

Last night I was giving the phone numbers of people I hate to my friend who was prank-calling them. He said to me, "Hey let me prank you!" I just laughed at him, and I couldn't say much but ask him why, and then he said, "Oh yeah, its no fun if you are expecting it" Its no fun either if I was sitting there as he did it...
And he makes fun of me for being daft!

The other day, I was on my till at work, and a customer comes over....puts down their stuff, pays for it, and leaves without it.

Now, this sort of thing happens more often than you'd think, and I've come to realise that customers tend to be rather annoyed when I have to chase them down to bring them back to get their stuff. So, to save them such shame, I attempted to be subtle.

"Would you like receipt in the bag?"

As I say this, I wave the receipt above the pile of stuff, patting the pile with my other hand to make sure the customer's attention could not possibly be anywhere else.

Customer turns towards me. Looks at the pile of paid for items that they are about to abandon, shrugs their shoulders, says "Nah", and carries on walking.

"....."

So, once again, I have to run to catch up to bring them back. Somtimes, I wish I could simply say "....okay...thanks for the money you ******* moron."

LOL

many years ago me and some mates of mine (there was 5 of us) were really bored. so we were just hanging around at corys place playing the sony. my friend ryan decided to show off the fact that he could fit a whole apple in his mouth. he managed to get the apple in but couldn't get it back out, so i had to spend 10minutes carefully cutting the apple into little pieces. i was trying so hard not to laugh, and the others were rolling on the floor laughing!! it was absolutely hilarious! and it broke the bordom as well

lol

he must hav a big mouth

i know so cruncy

apples and bannanas and jelly beans that taste like people! hey, why don't the harry potter jelly bean people make a "human" flavor... lol

wonder how they make sure it's righT?

Ok, here we go.

I went to return a video at my local store. It was a day late, so I gave the video to the attendant and announced that the video was late, and asked if I could pay the late fee now.

The attendant dutifully typed the video's barcode into the machine and received his information. He looked at it for a couple of seconds, then looked at me and told me "You know there's a late fee on this video?"

Ok, perhaps he didn't hear me say that it was late...... "Yes, I know it's late. I want to pay the late fee" I replied.

His response: "Would you like to pay the late fee now?

anyone who witnessed trhis would think i am a stupid person :
i managed to embarass myself several weeks ago, on purpose. me and a friend were shopping in Target when the voice came over the speakers, calling for someone to go to some check out. i decided it would be funny to drop to my knees, clutch my head and start yelling 'noooo!!!!!!! it's the voices again! make them stop!!" needless to say, i was kicked out of the store

Sometimes you can't pick your family. I was talking with my younger brother once and the topic turned to asthma. I had it all my life he didn't and wanted to know what it was like, so I gave him a brief rundown, explaining that its was "genetic". So some months go by and my brothers at my house one day and he has a friend with him, he notices I have an inhaler so he asks about it, and my brother pipes up.

"yeah my brother has asthma, there's nothing he can do about it, its generic"
"generic?" his friend asks.
"yeah generic" my brother says "its somethin you get from your parents"
Now if thats not funny enough his friend wasn't asking if he meant another word, he was perfectly fine with the words use, he just needed clarification for himself. I barely kept a straight face, but all I could think of was that friends episode where joe explains the phrase"its a moo point".

Stupid Person Sighting-

Place: UM General Off-Topic Discussion Forum

Person: New fellow

Stupidity in Effect: Posting of Spam threads advertising free things, when the link takes you to a page saying it's a test and the offer doesn't exist. Person did this twice.

Result: Both threads closed, and deleted summarily.

I work at customer service and a man came up and wanted to fill out the application for a credit card and handed it to me and told me to fill it out. I said it's info we need about you, you will have to do it. He said he didn't know how to fill those things out. Ok...first line...NAME? Second line on application....ADDRESS. How hard is that?

I've had guys ask me how to spell their last names...

So I can believe you going through it.

There's is a difference between stupid, and illiterate.

About three weeks ago me and my Mom were coming back from from a meeting in Surrey and heading towards White Spot for lunch. We were driving behind this one car and we where behind the car for a couple minutes. Before we finally ditched us she/he was going to turn right and put on it's left light on instead. Yeah I know that wasn't a stupid person though.

Here's one stupid idotic woman looking for her death wish.

On Sunday we went to see the PNE Prize home and then afterwards when we were going back to my grandparents house before going home we where stopped at a traffic light. We had the red light and then it finally turned green. Well this Transit Bus was to our right, and before we turned this stupid woman decided that she was going to turn on a red light. Well if we didn't stop and the transit bus didn't stop then I'm pretty sure that stupid woman would have become a deadly pancake.

hahahaha this is one of the best things I've ever read!