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Allie
The Whys of Men



1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)



2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?

(they don't have enough time)



3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions) !



4. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)



5. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)



6. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know...... it never happened)



7. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Aslan
I suspect that if someone had done the same sort of thing, but based on women, there would be howls of protest.

So I'll give a howl for the lads. But just a little one.


howl
neen
laugh.gif laugh.gif Excellent Allie LMAO at them all laugh.gif laugh.gif
bigsteff
hey allie are you BLONDE
Allie
QUOTE (bigsteff @ Jul 13 2003, 09:40 PM)
hey allie are you BLONDE

Nope Bigsteff, I'm not a blonde.

tongue.gif I'm all brunette. tongue.gif
Anirbas
those were great i am particuarly fond of 1,3, &7!
uranium101
i still like to hump gals legs when no one is looking. anyway, i don't really see any female presidents anywhere. so no matter how stupid men may be, women will always be on a lower level. same thing w/ the military. here's some facts.
did you know that women are 12% more emotional than men?

did you know that 73.2% of men are completely immune to depression?

did you know that 0% of all the world's great leaders are women?

did you know that 84% of all america's s are women?

did you know that women actually take pains to deciding what to wear?

did you know that america's military is the only military that allows women to join? (w/ none in real combat?)

did you know that women tend to lie more than men?

Bizarro
awfully idiotic post, Uranium.

pardon me for saying this but you are full of sh**. maybe when you are thinking that women are the lesser sex you should consider that you wouldn't be here without a woman suffering through 9 months of pain and misery for your ungrateful self. i see my wife going through things i never realized were part of pregnancy and i have a much greater respect for women because of it. in fact, if i ever see my child disrespect her mother i will go absolutely ape... considering the amount of suffering i have already seen necessary and we haven't even gotten to childbirth yet. no one should ever disrespect women!
Nancy
QUOTE (DSchwartz @ Jul 15 2003, 09:17 PM)
awfully idiotic post, Uranium. 


rolleyes.gif
DS???????????? Bravooooooooooooooo!! Yahooooooooo!!

I think, for the FIRST time? We agree on something!

What started out as a simple "tease" of the Human Male Species
quickly slid downhill, to insults with a cruel mix.

Before I go any further, check my profile photo .... I am BLONDE, head to..........
THERE. Natural, to boot! Add the fact I am 50% Polish (probably from the
neck UP) and Left-handed.... Life handed me several challenges from day one...
Yet? I am not offended by Blonde/Polish jokes.

If we cannot take a 'jab' at the differences between the sexes, learn to
understand the "Mars/Venus" complexities between us, we may as well throw
in the towel.

Uranium? I see you are a new Member here. While I welcome you aboard
and encourage your opinions, I would strongly suggest you think before
your digits hit the keyboard.

I could make reference to Males thinking with their crotch, but, shucks....
I refuse to stoop that low (pun INTENDED)
Nancy
mad.gif
neen
Thankyou DS, that was a very nice post. wub.gif


Obviously some people can't understand a joke and have to post sexist dribble to make themselves feel better wacko.gif
Outbreak
I was once told that you should love your mother 3 times more than ur father.. I guess its true. I admire my mum for the way she has brought me up, thru thick and thin... Women are amazing, AND so are we tongue.gif
Aslan
QUOTE
I suspect that if someone had done the same sort of thing, but based on women, there would be howls of protest.


Did I not try to warn?
Phantom
QUOTE (uranium101 @ Jul 16 2003, 02:15 AM)

did you know that women are 12% more emotional than men?

did you know that 73.2% of men are completely immune to depression?

did you know that 84% of all america's singles are women?


Did you know that 42,18% of all internet users take stupid statements that are not based on ANY serious research for granted ? tongue.gif
dust19
my fiancee' is 10 times smarter than me. Without her, i'd be dead by now. No further comments.. original.gif
Nancy
One word, well? Maybe two.....

MEN!!!!!! Argggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!
wacko.gif wacko.gif wacko.gif
Homer
Uranium said: here's some facts.
But let us look at some of his 'facts', and expose him as the liar he is.

QUOTE
did you know that 84% of all america's s are women?

This is a lie, as the female and male populations in the U.S. are almost equal. According the U.S. Census Bureau, the female population is barely over 50%

QUOTE
did you know that women actually take pains to deciding what to wear?

This is, in large part, due to the atmosphere created by the male dominated society in which we live. It is because of the male, that the female faces the peer pressures to be 'good looking'.

QUOTE
did you know that america's military is the only military that allows women to join? (w/ none in real combat?)

This is a lie, as almost all of the worlds military allows women to serve. I don't think there is a nation represented on this forum whos military doesn't allow women to serve in their ranks. Also, women do serve in real combat, although nowhere near the numbers of men.

QUOTE
did you know that women tend to lie more than men?

Where is your evidence? Your post has more lies in it then any single post I have ever read. I have called people a liar more than anyone on this forum, and if this forum lasts a 100 years, nobody will ever challenge and confront as much as I do. You didn't say women lie more than men, you said women tend
to lie more than men. So tell us, liar, what do you mean by that?

QUOTE
did you know that 73.2% of men are completely immune to depression?

This is a lie, as men are about as likely to be as depressed as women. The difference is the behaviour of men and women while they are suffering from depression.

QUOTE
did you know that 0% of all the world's great leaders are women?

Have you noticed how screwed up the world is? This is still a mans world, in terms of national leadership on any level, and in any country. This is not a good thing, as men have proved over the course of thousands of years how pathetic we are. This is not to say that women will be better, but it seems safe to say they definately can't be any worse, and to not give women an equal opportunuty is just wrong.


Plus, since there are only two genders, the gender that puts up with all the crap created by the male, is most likely the better gender.
Bizarro
get him, Homer devil.gif
Nancy
WHO'd a "thunk" that a simple little "joke" would create this
hassle... Geezeeeeeeeee!!

Homer? Your reply took a great deal of time, common sense
and showed RESPECT for both genders.... I applaud your excellent
anaylsis of this subject.

Hey Guys? Women are farrrrrrrrr from purrfect!!
I do have to agree with Homer. Females do have more patience,
IN GENERAL, than Males. Please don't ask for facts. I can only speak
from personal experience.

Homer? A+++++++++++++!!! DS?? Thanks for the "yahooo!"
Makes this ole gal smile!!! wub.gif
Kismit
Aww Homer , you never cease to amaze me , you can be so sweet original.gif

and as for the argument
QUOTE
did you know that 0% of all the world's great leaders are women?
Check this out

Personnally I found this bit the most hurtfull , I allways felt New zealand played quite a large part in world leadership crying.gif
Starlyte
Has anyone looked at Uranium101's profile? This kid is only 13! It makes me sad that he has such warped views of women and men at such a young age.

QUOTE
did you know that 0% of all the world's great leaders are women?


This comment seemed to get to me a little more than the others. Granted in political office Homer is right, this is still a man's world (no US women have ever held the presidency), but has there not been great leaders who were women in the past, and still many today? What about Cleopatra, Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc, Susan B. Anthony, first US attorney general Janet Reno, and so many more. As a matter of fact here is a list LIST. Or, here is a list of great women who were rulers LIST. In conclusion, I'm not trying to downplay the importance of the great men we also have in history and in the world today, I just think that we need to acknowledge that there are many women who have also done many great things. I hope Uranium101 is still reading on this topic so that he may learn a little about the history of women and in time maybe he'll be able to understand better the roles both women AND men haved played and still do play in this world to make it what it is today.
dust19
hmmmm...does the world really have ANY great leaders??
Outbreak
ahaha, I doubt that this world has any current world leaders. Everyone of them in on one big power ride!...


Homer: Nice post, showed a very deductive analysis into the 13 year old's kids post huh.gif you got him good w00t.gif

Nancy
QUOTE (starlyte @ Jul 17 2003, 10:20 AM)
Has anyone looked at Uranium101's profile?  This kid is only 13!  It makes me sad that he has such warped views of women and men at such a young age.

QUOTE
did you know that 0% of all the world's great leaders are women?


I hope Uranium101 is still reading on this topic so that he may learn a little about the history of women and in time maybe he'll be able to understand better the roles both women AND men haved played and still do play in this world to make it what it is today.

Starlyte? I checked his profile immediately after reading his.. ahem..
Comments.

And yes, Homer came through with flying colors, as usual cool.gif

Your reference to Uranium101 still reading these Posts also crossed my mind.
Only my thoughts were...... He's laughing and sneering for getting those of us
who have responded, taking his "bait" ......

But? Ah ha! Perhaps? He has learned a great deal, mostly thanks to you!
Will he change his attitude about the "Fairer Sex"????? One can only HOPE.

crying.gif crying.gif
Lillian416
I just want to say thankyou for the comments on us women!! I have two children and it was so hard carrying my second. I had hyperemisis, which in turn gave me a hernia and a list of other mind boggling things for a person to go through, and even I, being a female, hold a new light to pregnant women. I was so ready to jump on this untill I saw all the wonderful comments, you guys are great!!~~Heather
Lillian416
By the way, DS, I wanted to let you know congrats on your baby...I had no idea or I would have said something before, when is your wife due?? Do you know what you are haveing?? Tell her I send my blessings for your soon to be family of three *or maybe four w00t.gif * grin2.gif
Bizarro
yep, we are having a girl. she is due October 10th.

i have a lot of respect for women after watching my wife vomit almost every morning for 5 months. if that little punk was my son and dared to make comments like that about women, i would give him some syrup of ipecac with his breakfast. let's see how he feels about women then. trust me, growing up without a mother was an experience that teaches you all the good qualities of a woman. i love my Dad, but he was no Mr. Mom (although he has claimed he was). women have a way of caring that is so comforting and gentle while men have a much more harsh manner of caring. i learned a lot of lessons the harsh way, i think maybe this little boy needs a few himself.
djdodo
I have not laughed like this for days laugh.gif ... thanks ((Allie)) ... you made my day .. grin2.gif

And Congradulations to you ((DS)) ... I did not know that you were having a girl w00t.gif ... my sis in law will have a girl too maybe 1st of Oct cool.gif
Lillian416
Well, again, Congratulations!!! Yes, haveing a girl was what I assumed as I had a very easy pregnancy with my son, my daughter I vomited for all but the first month of my pregnancy (hyperemisis), I feel for her!!! I KNOW what hell it is!! Make sure she is checked after she has the baby as the vomiting is what caused my hernia. Does she do it anymore?? I have heard that the worst pregnancies usually end in it being a little girl, see we are bitchy from the start grin2.gif Just jokeing, well, like I said, good luck (one day you are going to raise one hell of a man, lemme' tell you!! I mean that in the best possible way, as your morals should be practiced by all fathers) I wish you three the best!!~~Heather
snuffypuffer
Well, ah, everyone's already said what I was gonna say, except uranium, who's an idiot. Bye.
Lillian416
LMAO @ Snuffy! laugh.gif laugh.gif
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