Here's my new novel characters:

-Jackie: a deranged lunatic who lost control of himself after witnessing a mysterious murder. He tries to find the killer.
-Robbie: Jackie's brother; he was the murder victim.
-Mr. Royed: a happy-go-lucky person; loves to garden.
-Mrs. Royed: a not-so-happy-go-lucky person; despises gardening.
-The Killer: a giant, 7-ft tall being who strangled Robbie and roared at Jackie.
It was covered in hair, with a face like a tiger, and eyes like an owl.


Tell me your opinion.

P.S. The story takes place in the small town of Springhill, Nova Scotia, Canada.
Sincerely,
The Chupa King Whos Loves Books

good but i think jackie shoud go into the woods and get killed herself by the being

that sounds good 2 me. yeah i think it's good.

god almighty...bloody angsty teenagers and their "everyone has to die or it isn't a good story" endings...

Unfortunately, I can't really say what I think about the story...since you...didn't post anything about it. I would suggest it would be far better to start with your story, then build your characters. While it's true that a good or bad character can make or break a story, usually you can fit any character you like into things...however, at the end of the day, it's the story that'll do the work, and there's no way anyone could give any kind of opinion with nothing more to go on than the character's names, and a couple of personality quirks.

What is the plot? What do Mr. and Mrs. Royed have to do with anything? If Jackie is a deranged lunatic, how can he master himself enough to go after this beast?

Just throwing some questions out there. From what you've told us, the story could be a best-seller, or it could be complete crap. There is no way to tell. How about giving us the opening paragraph or something?

good point and im not a "bloody angsty teen"

Here's a bit of my story:

"Jackie walked over to the Royed's house. He noticed no one was home. He wondered why. Then, suddenly, he heard a BANG, and then a scream. He ran towards the house. A huge thing was attacking the Royeds. Mr. Royed had his gun at the thing. Mrs. Royed was on the ground. 'Is she dead?' thought Jackie.
Robbie finally caught up with Jackie. 'What's that thing, Jackie?' asked Robbie.
The thing turned around and grabbed Robbie. Jackie heard a another BANG and then another. The Thing screamed and looked at Jackie. Jackie looked from the thing to his brother. Robbie wasn't moving. Jackie turned his head. The thing's face was there. It screamed. Jackie fainted."



There's a bit.

Not bad and I am by no means a writer but I do like to read, and I think you've got a good idea but it needs more description. And you may not have added that in on purpose, and I apologize if that was the reason. But if not then I think the overal story itself, from what I've read is good, just work on describing things more, what does the house look like, what do the people look like, make the backdrop of the story as rich as you can with descriptions so that the reader feels as though they are there.

Oh dear...

charming.

Who, me? Would you rather I gave some advice?

I don't think you're really ready to put your novel to words...not going by what you have there anyway. I would put it on hold for now...maybe practice a few short stories to get your technique a little better.

One thing I'd definately do is make sure to read as much as you can - books by good writers as well, like Tolkien or Robert Jordan. You can improve in huge leaps and bounds just by reading other writer's techniques, and sponging it all up.

That though...just...no. I'm sorry, but no.

you sher are beastly

and don't give up.

shadwsleet the piont is to earn respect

And there I was thinking the point was "I need help".

Writing isn't easy...it's something that has to be worked on. And I think this particular peice, unless it was intentionally very, very brief, needs a great deal of work.

In anycase, I didn't tell him to give up. I told him to put it on hold until he felt ready to proceed, and gave him a couple of tips on how to get there....if you consider that beastly, then fair enough...I won't judge you.

Not much anyway.

true but u were a little unplait about it. but thats just me

"Unpolite" would have been what I was going to post...

I contemplated taking the passage, and fleshing it out...it would be quite easy to turn that paragraph into about twenty or thirty pages of text given the patience to do so. But I decided against it.

A walkthrough isn't what any writer needs...they really need to do it themselves. When their writing is of a suitable quality where corrections are going to be minor, then it's worthwhile doing such a thing...rewording...or advising them on small changes in dialogue...but until then, there's nothing to learn from it.

i think they should "find the killer" but it just turns out to be jakies little brother!! so then they have to find the real killer still after he tried to scare them by dressing in a big fur outfit!(faux fur that is)

It's a good idea, but I'm afraid Shadowsleet is right....it needs some improving. You should try to make the sentences longer and more despcriptive.
Epitheton ornans. ^
Maybe adding a few characters wouldn't hurt and a detailed description of every character could aid you in writing your story. That way, you know each character, and can use that knowledge in the real story.

When did this become the Writer's and Artists board? ^^;

I will take all your opinions and......THROW THEM AWAY BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

When you are done!......This i have to read...