What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
Too many blondes were drowning.

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio.
The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde
was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw
another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped
her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that
give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you
what's coming to you!"

Two blondes are browsing in a department store. One picks up a mirror and stares into it intently. "I swear I've seen this person before," she says. The other blond grabs the mirror, looks into it, then laughs as she hands it back to her friend. "Of course you've seen her before, silly! It's ME!"

ha ha ha ... Good for me ... I am not blonde

A blond calls her boyfriend and says, "please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".

Her boyfriend asks, "what is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blond answers, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger".

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. He sees the pieces spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger".

"Secondly, I'd advise you to relax, lets have a cup of coffee, then we can put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".

This one is for the Blondes:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
sleep.

Somebody once told me this one ..........


Whats Black, Blue , Red and laying in the gutter ?



A red head that told too many blonde jokes .........

i'm kinda blonde. i used to be white blonde, then blonde blonde, dirty blonde, now i'm kinda strawberry... or light brownish... anyway, here's a blonde blonde joke.
well, it's more of a story. anyway, one time i heard these people saying stuff like, "that jennifer is such a dumb blonde" and stuff like that. i didn't know who this jennifer was. anyway, after saying that, this blonde headed girl runs up and says, "what makes you think blondes are dumb?" and she runs out and runs right into a lampost.

*pulls a strand of hair foward to take a long hard look at it* Are they talking about me I am a bottle blonde, the natural hair color is brown, but I have pale skin and blue, blue eyes, so it looked odd, and the blonde looks much better. I have been the butt of too many blonde jokes, oye, I always have to announce the blonde is fake, the stupidity is real

A Blonde Goes to the Library

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

Heheheh, I HAVE not heard that one however, I like that

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."

I don´t know that word "skipping" !?!

Am I a blonde??

Kaj, try this.

http://www.m-w.com/home.htm (Merriam-Webster online)

Thx... Jump I guess...

But the best part was this :

".....perhaps of Scandinavian origin; akin to Swedish dialect skopa to hop."

hehehehe ...

That´s why I don´t got any hair....took it off .. hehe

i'm going to eat you all one day.

I taste funny

hot sauce makes everything better.

that looks funny... i like that.

A few jokes....


I bought a Charlie Chaplin DVD the other day.
I took it back though, it had no sound.


An Irishman walks into a pub with dog poo on his hand.
He says to his mate, 'Hey, i was lucky out there, look what i nearly trod in.'



What have Channel 5 and the Italian national soccer team got in common?
You take away the 'Totti', and you aren't left with much.



Whats got 3 wheels and flies?
A wheelbarrow full of sh*t.



What would happen if all the sailors left the navy?
The streets would be awash with discharged seamen.



A horny French fighter pilot named 'Pierre', ejects out of his burning fighter jet with a bottle of his favourite brandy and some matches. He lands on a remote island, and is found by a seductive female native. She takes him back to her hut, and revives him. Pierre is very grateful, and the lady, being sex starved asks Pierre for sex. Pierre agrees, and he has wild rampant sex with her. After 30 mins, he gets his brandy out and his matches. He tells the woman to open her legs, and the woman, feeling kinky agrees. Pierre pours the brandy over her bush, and strikes the match. He sets alight to her bush, and the woman asks what he is doing. So Pierre replies 'I am a freunch fighteur pilot.. when i go down.. i go down in flames!'



Whats the difference between a Slapper and a brick wall?
A brick wall don't follow you home after you laid it!



Why dont blondes use vibrators?
Because they chip their teeth.



An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are stranded on a desert island. They hunt for food, and happen to find a magic lamp in a cave. They rub it, and a genie appears. 'You have one wish each' he bellows. Excited, they think of ideas for wishes.

The Englishman says ' I want to live in the Carribean in a posh hotel, with a great chip shop, have £70,000,000 and have Kylie Minogue as my mistress.'

Genie grants his wish.

The Scotsman, says 'I want to go back to Scotland, get a haggis, take my wife off to the Seychelles, and live happily ever after.'

The Genie grants his wish.

Finally, the Irishman has his turn for a wish. The Irishman can't decide what he wants. He asks the genie, but the genie is no help. So, a few moments later the irishman says 'Oh, i just cant decide! Oh, i just my mates on this island were here to help me!.'

Good ones cerberus.

One neighbor to another:
- you should really use your blinds on the windows, couse I saw you have sex with your wife last night.
And he replied:
-Naaa . I wasn´t even at home last night.


( Unsure of the spelling here )

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the
stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave
the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room
in tears. "What's wrong", asks the mother.
"I was having a wee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

Thanx Kaj

a smart blonde, a dumb blonde and santa jump off roof. who hits first?
the dumb blonde...the other 2 dont exist

a woman shows up at the doctor's office with her daughter. he asks the woman y shes here. the woman says that her daughter has been gaining alot of weight lately. the doctor asks if she is pregnant. the mother says that her daughter said shes a virgin. the doctor gives the girl a pregnancy test, which comes back positive. the mother still insists that the girl is a virgin, so the doctor quickly runs to the window and looks around frantically. the mother asks, "what r u loooking for?" he replies, "last time this happened there was a star and 3 wise men."

2 Blondes were sitting in a bar. they say, "to 53 days!". the waiter says, "whats the occasion?". the blonde says, "we got a jigsaw puzzle that said 1-6 years! we finished it in 53 days!

whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
the mosquito stops suckin after ya slap it

y do blondes like cars with moon roofs?
more leg room

what do peanut butter and a blonde have in common?
they both spread for bread

what did the blonde's left leg say to the blonde's right leg?
nothing, they never met

(this isnt a blonde joke, but its funny)

whats the definition of a virgin in alabama?
a 7 year old who can outrun her dad

expect more of these later

this is getting annoying. we're talkin BLONDE jokes. now we are coming up with other sick/ ed jokes for our sick ed minds. back to the drawing board.

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she
would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a
few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if
you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The
lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's
turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled
look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches
the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to
sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the
blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the local police force.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a photograph, and said, "To be a detect, you have to be able to DETECT. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He only has one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye in this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The blonde immediately shot back, "Yep! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just said to the other lady? This is a PROFILE of the man's face! Of COURSE you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too! You'd never make a good detective!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turn his attention to the last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but....". He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "Alright. Did YOU notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "Yes, I did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH! He has only one eye and one ear, he certainly CAN'T WEAR GLASSES!

A dumb blonde gets stuck in a hail storm. Her car is completely covered in dents, so she takes it to a local body shop. The mechanic at the shop sees her walk in and decides to see just how gullible she is.

He tells her to take her car home and blow on the tailpipe. "That should pop all the dents out," he says.

Later that evening, her blonde boyfriend comes home to the site of his girlfriend laying on the garage floor with her lips wrapped around the tailpipe, blowing vigorously. Upon asking what she is doing, she tells him, "I'm getting all the dents out.

"Duh," he responds",you have to roll the windows up first, or it won't work."

SF78, So is the boyfriend blonde too? Or did he bleach it?

Whuups, sorry my dislexia will skip over words. Guess I shouldn't of smelled the fumes from the bleach.

LMAO...that's great...is this just for halloween, or do you always prefer lilac? JK..I know it's photo shopped. (Wouldn't want to appear blond after all the fun I've poked...

PS...pink hair or no, Niiiice....hehehe

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: "What, what?"

Q: Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are thrown off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!

In fairness to the blondies here....

Q: What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A: A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: "Has the blonde left yet?"

Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What do you call a brunette who dies her hair blonde?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation

Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage

Q: What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A: Invisible.

Q: What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover ?
A: " What part of 'yes' don't you understand ?"

Q: Why do brunettes like their dark hair color ?
A: It doesn't show the dirt.

Q: Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes ?
A: The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable

Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair ?
A: It matches their mustache.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, finally!!!! Justice has been served!! SOURCE? You are now OFF my "ut oh" list...........

I agree Nancy, those were funnier than the blonde ones anyway..........


I particularly like the one about the 1 brunette in a room full of blondes...

Invisible, hehehehe.......

*picks up a bottle of red hair dye*
"I'm gonna wash that brown right uotta my hair..."