Isn't it odd how we create these bonds in a virtual environment, that have no physical attachments on our reality...
How can the passing of a person that we have never physically met cause us emotional pain?
How can we 'love' a person that we have never met?
And one that hits closest to home...How can we create bonds and even friendships with people that we have never met? Not speaking to one of these individuals (and you all know who you are ) causes you actual discomfort and/or heartache? You actually become concerned if you don't hear from these individuals...
It doesn't make any logical sense...but you still feel it...

I'm not an emotional person by nature, I just can't figure out why or how our 'feelings' are actually attached to the internet. Everybody has gotten upset or generally p1ssed off about one thing or another, and some of us have read something that you can feel in your heart. Why?

And for those who might think that this type of feeling is for people that don't have anything in their lives except for the internet.... I am a 31 year guy that is married to a wonderful wife, I have 3 children, a mortgage, 2 cars, etc...

So my challenge to you, is to explain simply...Why?

Edit: For a select few, this thread is not intent on frowning or in any way looking down on your 'binding' in any way, shape, or form.

wow...that was really well put

but...I have no answer

Maybe we unknowing see something that in the person personally in the post, Email or whatever we read that is a little in us. Or maybe it b/c of all of the interests or knowledge that is out there that people have to share.

Its called communication! The internet provides that.

The fundamental requirement in any relationship is communication, once that is provided, you can experience all the things you've described.

What Super Pancake said!

The 'net offers us a chance to communicate, without the usual enviironmental and societal 'signposts' that we use in everyday RL.

In other words, we communicate with people that we might not usually deal with in RL.

Example, you might learn about how a person feels/thinks on a wide range of issues before you find out that they follow a lifestyle different from you.

You 'speak' with that girl who is very smart, funny, and witty, and get to 'know' her, before finding out that she is a 'goth' or a 'motorhead' or any of the other thousand labels we slap on people.

When it comes down to it, in RL we all have our own prejudices and bias, no matter what we tell others.

It might be simple as male v female, black v white, older v younger, etc etc etc.

We normally tend to seek those that are 'like' us. The net provides us the opportunity to ignore visual cues, until we get to learn about people. Once we know them, in a sense, it makes it easier to accept their differnces.

just an off the cuff opinion, of course.



good journey

Very well put JM.....you nailed it right there.....we're so used to seeing people first and then getting to know them....on the 'net, it's usually the other way around.....and I for one think it's great....I meet a lot of different people I wouldn't normally come in contact with.....made many friends as well.....
I LOVE THE INTERNET!

I believe in most cases it's because we see a little something of ourselves in someone else. Or someone that we care about. For instance I do not know JMPD but he reminds me of an old friend there for I have felt a bond toward the posts he has made.

Also when somebody makes you laugh it eases the stress and makes you feel a little better about the world, this always works to bond people.

Stillcrazy was confined to a wheelchair, he had difficulty interacting with the outside world we are all sadly prejudiced by what we see. Yet he really was an inteligent and witty individual, alot like me, so I bonded with him, because he made sence in my world.

I am ex Air Force and use to Travel around a lot , and met people from all over the world. And as been so well by others , we dont use the visual clews to make judgments here. Our members from other places let me know how thier culture works giving me the chance to grow and learn. A lot of differences on this ball of mud. But we are pretty much the same also.

I think JMPD hit it on the head ... I really can't put it any better than that.

And what JayRob said ... yes, i do believe it's possible ...

Another agreeing vote. Physical appearance gets in the way in 'the real world.' After knowing what bonds can form between you and someone 30 years older, or handicapped, or fat and ugly on the internet, imagine how much wonderful conversation you might have missed over in real life because you avoid those people.

I totally agree with this assessment.
Being human, we tend to judge people, before we actually get to know them.
This prevents many meaningful meetings, because we hold to high a priority on looks, clothes, social stature and monetary aspects.
The internet shuts down our normal, judging filter, and allows our true nature to shine.
There is no need to worry if we are fat, ugly, poor, because you can not tell this by my post.
You are made to judge me solely on my posts, on my words and thoughts.
Internet dating works, because people have to communicate, and bonds are formed by such communication.
Likes, dislikes are found out and people proceed from there.
Once people then agree to meet, looks really become irrelevenet, because the bond is already there.
Suprisingly this type of integration is also available in nudist colonies.
Once all the bare facts are out there to see, you can then concentrate on who the person is, because you are already past the sexual aspect of meeting.
Humans are very sexual people, and IMLO, tend to form relationships based only through sexual eyes, and what they deem a person can do for them.
The internet provides a place where we can truly be ourselves, without putting on our masks and try to be someone or something we are not.

Blessings

I agree with purplos. Anyway, no one can get 'attached' to me. What you dont realise is I am actually a bot, programmed to emulate a human

I have to agree with the assessment that we get to know a person without the visual cues that may prejudice us against them- whether it's age, sex, or race.

There are few boundaries on the internet, which lets us feel free to be who we are.

When we all can be who we are, it's easier to be attracted to others as friends or more.

Or free to be who we are not!

I know some people who create whole new personalities on the net with different groups around the net (not everybody does this mostly people with time on their hand like unemployed Pancake here). I don't present myself the same way on U.M. as with other internet forums and chat rooms I frequent.

But even alternate "facades" give insight to who a person really is.

Its the anonomous nature that helps, being hidden ironically frees you to be more open than in any other situation except for the most intiment.

Maybe

Not to mention there is no need to be shy or to hide anything on a forum.

another agreeing vote. in real life, a lot of people will go out of their way to avoid me. simply because i dress all in black, i dye my hair bright colours and i wear studded jewlery. most people will not even take a chance to get to no know me in real life. and it is the same with everyone, some people get avoided because they have disabilities, others get avoided because of their skin colour. over the internet, you can't see if someone has dark skin, or in a wheelchair, or if they have pink hair, so it makes it can be better, because there can be a lot less prejudice against everyone. there is a song i have heard several times, here are some of the lrics which i believe are highly relevent:


and it's the same with the internet. you don't know anything about these people. they could be of any race, of any religion, and you wouldn't know the difference.

One thing i think this internet superhighway thing has done, is maybe make people realise that things like nationality, race, religion, all those things that have kept people apart for so long, aren't actually all that important ... distance isn't that important, you find that there are people you click with, who can understand you, they may be in a different continent but you're all human when it comes down to it.

God, I'm getting deep. I need to go find something trivial ....

Good stuff 747400, its exactly true, race religion and nationality have always been over rated. No matter where you come from you deal with the same issues, and have the same problems. Right now there is a guy half way around the world in a different country, different social atmosphere, different political affiliation, worrying about the same things I am. Will my daughters find happiness, will I be forced to pummel their future boyfriends, etc.

Now, the question remains, has anybody noticed that they treat people in RL differently, due to their experiences on the Net?

Or are those 'automatic' appraisals still going on.

I have found that I've become more tolerant of the leather wearing, blue mohawk wearing, "I've got so many peircings I think my peircings have peircings" youth of today... though I still find myself scowling at the hip-hop, ass-of-their-pants-down-around-their-knees wearing, "I'm a suburbanite trying to look like I'm from the hood" youth of today.

Yeah I'm there Stewey

when we are on the internet it is easy to over look the thing's that turn us away from people.. Your not looking at one's face their size or the color of their skin.. Your looking deeper your seeing what they think, feel and how they look at the world around them. I have found a great deal of people i am very close to know. It's not about sex, or lust or anything you feel when you are face to face..Its much deeper for me..I have found on the internet i see one's soul, their mind, their heart all the thing's which are very important. I have meet men and women i think so much of i find myself worried if they get missing.. I think the bottom line would be it let's us look past what a person looks like and help's us see what a person really is.. and i have to say i can think of only person who has ever fooled me and he didn't for long...

How can we 'love' a person that we have never met?

No idea... But I sure as hell love people I've never met :/ it's odd.

Anyway, well written you're totally right.

it is odd. and odder when you meet the person youve met on the internet. makes for a great friendship! well for me it did. someone i never would have known!

whats cool about the net is you can get out what really needs to be said that your couldnt talk about usually to someone to their face. so theres these ppl out there that know your deepest feelings and its safe i love the internet too!

like so many others have said, talking online eliminates the physical factor. you know that the person you're talking to has no preconceived ideas about you, they've never seen you, and they don't have any idea what you look like. and vice versa. you don't feel the need to pretend to be someone else. talking online, though many others would disagree, is imo more personal than talking face to face. it's like talking to the other person's true being... because we don't feel like we must hide ourselves. if we don't get along with someone online, we don't ever have to speak to them again, and we don't have to see them again, etc, so we aren't worried about what they think of us.

you may also remain anonymous concerning your age, gender, sexuality, etc... and so people don't decide beforehand how to treat you or whether they think you'd be worth talking to.

the internet opens up a huge and wonderful new world of possibilities. we have nothing to judge the person on other than their words, which are spoken from the heart. i think that if we went around blindfolded, we would find we would meet many wonderful friends that we would never have met otherwise.

it's kind of sad when you need a computer program to eliminate prejudices and judgementalism. but i guess that's life.

Quick question, has anybody stayed away from someone or talk more to somebody because of their avatar and/or sig?

It is easier bonding with people online because of the lack of preconcieved stereotypes we have offline, but do you think you have online stereotypes. Example the labeling of believers and non believers especially in the Metaphysics, Astrology & Psychic Phenomena and Spirituality & Skepticism boards, left and right wing in the world news boards, etc.

Don't jumb to fast to conclusions I think it still exist on the net.

yes, but wouldn't you agree it's much less of an issue online?

Meanwhile, Super Pancake has no avi to speak of. Why is that? Avi prejudice?

I have not founnd an avatar or created one I like to put up, so I'll go avatar less for now.


I would agree its minor, not as serious as it can get offline.

no, i have not stayed away from anyone due to their avatar.

Nor have i.. i find it's some post that has me want to or not want to been around them...

I can see my avatar will scare anyone lol

I think we make friends online better is because we can choose the people we want to talk to with the same interests. There is everything on the web for hobbies, talents and activities. If you can think it, it will be more then likely there with other people.

Just look on here at UM... the different sections broken down. People all coming together with the common interest to discuss that area. With that little piece fallen into place, you already know they are interested in it.

If good goes to worst, well... you always have the block button.

I was joking about the avatar! I agree with kratos. I was going on the lines that the divisions are still there, and if someone is out of someones perspective prejudices and judgementalism will follow. I've seen it on U.M.

I find that even when I don't like a person I meet on the internet I can still talk with them. Not true in person, for some reason.

You are so right Stixxman! In the real world I am extremely reclusive; only interacting with VERY close family members, and that is a very small group of people: This wonderful, small group of family and friends respect my need for isolation.

I am, in the real world very wary of people, any people. I deliberately bought a property out in the wilds; no neighbours, no store, no world!

On the Internet, I feel I can cope with a world that is safe, and anonymous. I could never opine in the real world, as I do online!

I think I'll also bring up this point.

Generally on the internet, people really split up into two groups.
There are the beautiful people, who love to chat, make friends and help people online.
And then there are just jerks. Who come online to annoy people, insult others etc.

There are exceptions and all, but it's the general trend. So really, we are exposed to people who are very lovely, and you can't help but love them.
And you just avoid those other annoying people.

It's alot easier to form a bond or friendship with someone who speak with online because you get to know them personally much deeper than meeting face to face right off the bat. There's nothing standing in your way of being your true self.

It's amazing what people will tell a perfect stranger. I grew up working in my parents restaurant and bar...I knew the most personal things about peoples lives/relationships and I didn't even know their names. It's really awkward later when you meet them in a social setting and realize how many of the same people both of you know.

One would think that in a city of 155 thousand people that wouldn't be a problem, but, evidently I've gotten around in my short life. *cough*

I have a confession to make, that I don't think many people know about me:

My boyfriend is someone I met online.

I know intimately what it is like to create connections with people that I never see and never hear. I felt love for him before I'd even heard his voice for the first time. I loved him before I'd first seen a picture of him. I loved him before I finally met him face to face.

There is a major difference between talking in person and talking online. There is a different bond that is formed. But, as someone who has spent my life having to bond with people through long distance communications, I've grown accostumed to the feeling of connection to someone I cannot be around physically.

It is a fascinating feeling, however. =)