So as i signed up to these forums because of a book i'm writing, i suppose i should start with asking you all for a little constructive critisism and advice.

I'm concerened that my main character isn't likeable or believable. So here are some extracts from the rough draft. I haven't shown anyone any of my wok before, so please go easy on me! (Cassandra is the main character by the way, she's a demon hunter. Luke is the supporting character, he's a vampire hunter, and Cassandra doesn't want him around. Flo is Cassandra's housemate)

"So" Said Cassandra, deciding not to mention the fact that her feet were actually turning blue from the cold, "What are you doing today?"
"I did think i might come with you."
On hearing this, Cassandra spat out her piece of toast, "Come with me? To work?"
"If thats ok." Replied Flo.
"Of course it's ok, but why would you want to spend your weekend trailing around the countly with me looking for things you don't believe in?"



"What if i didn't want to take on the job?" Stormed Cassandra as she pulled out of the driveway.
"Of course you want the job" Laughed Luke, "Its ten thousand pounds"

"I know nothing about you" Said Cassandra, you could be a bloody mass murderer for all i know."

"I only kill the undead." Said Luke calmly.

"Oh very funny. I take it you want me to taxi you somewhere else now?"





"At that moment the phone began to ring,
"Yeah?"
"Cassandra it's luke"
Cassandra slammed her head against the table.
"What is it?" She asked, rubbing her forehead."
"Have you seen the news?"
"Of course i have."
"I've spoken to Mr and Mrs Framton, they're expecting us at ten thirty."
Cassandra kicked the table leg, "You did what? Luke their son just died! do you have no sympathy?"


So, what do you think? Are characters any good? Does it read ok? Is it believable? Let me know. X

I don't know whats going on.

I'm sorry if i wasn't clear. I need some advice on whether my characters seem real. Would it be better if i posted one long extract rather then three short pieces?

yeah it would be better

Ok, i hope this helps. They are going to go and speak to a murder victim's father. Cassandra is unwillingly working with Luke on a series of strange deaths.

" Cassandra was eating her breakfast the following morning when there was a knock at the door. She let Flo answer it and continued to chew her cereal. She vaguely wondered who would be calling at eight in the morning. She didn't have long to find out. Flo soon returned, and behind her was Luke Newman. Cassandra eyed him for a second before speaking,
"How do you know where i live?"
Luke grinned at Flo, "Thats polite isn't it? He turned back to Cassandra, "You'd be surprised what i know sweetheart, are you ready?"
"For what?" Asked Cassandra as Luke sat down.
"To go and see Mr Kirk."
"I doubt it, i've not even phoned him yet."
Luke grinned again, "No, but i have."
Cassandra put down her spoon, "I thought you wanted me to do that, if your'e so keen you'd just as well take the whole thing on yourself, then i can get back to working alone."
Luke shook his head, "Don't be silly Cassandra, come on, he's expecting us in half an hour."

Cassandra sighed, "Fine then, let me get my stuff." She left the kitchen muttering under her breath.

"Tell me" Said Luke, turning to Flo, "Is she always like this?"
Flo nodded. "She likes doing her own thing. Who are you anyway?"

Luke looked carefully at Flo,
"She doesn't know it yet, but i'm here to save her life." He laughed savagely, "But lets keep that between you and me sweetheart."
And still, laughing, he got up.
"Tell her i'll be waiting by the car."