Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Patrick, age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Unknown kid

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Michael, 14

Never pee on an electric fence.
Robert, 13

Stay away from prunes.
Randy, 9

Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
Emily, 10

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Taylia, 11

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Traci, 14

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Andrew, 9

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
Kyoyo, 9

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Armir, 9

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Kellie, 11

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Naomi, 15

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Lauren, 9

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
Joel, 10

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Alyesha, 13

Never, ever, try to baptize a cat.

These are pretty funny! Thank you for posting them.





These are my favorites.

This one brings back memories, Boy did she hurt!

Aaah same here, Shaun. Actually, anytime my mother brushed my hair it was painful

My daughter once whispered to her younger brother, "When mommy and daddy aren't talking to each other, it's a good time to really shut up."

kids are so cute!!!

I like it!

Thats cute..I have a book that my Cathecism teacher gave me which has a quote from a person saying what the most important thing they have learned, and the age of that person...from 6-92..
There is one almost lie that, except it was peas...

He's smarter than Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie

These are so funny. I used to hide peas in milk with my brother.

How about these:

Three children in the playground at my last work placement were sitting in a circle around a yellow ball chanting "Coconut, coconut" And waving their arms up and down.

Me: What are you doing?
Child: Worshipping a coconut.
Me: Why?
Child: Because we're starting a cult.


Another time, playing with playdough.

Child: Is my tongue blue? (Sticks out tongue)
Me: Why on Earth is your tongue blue?
Child: Tom told me to eat the playdough.
Me: If Tom told you to eat a worm would you do it?
Child: Yes, i like worms


A child telling me about the Lord's prayer which they'd been learning in school:
"My Daddy, who isn't in heaven..."


"Just call me Dave"
A five year old GIRL who has to look less like a Dave then anyone i've ever met. Whats more, i still have to call her Dave when i babysit two years later.

"My Daddy says that Carrot sticks are really dead goldfish."

Seriously, the list is endless... and i do this for a living.

Those are priceless, lol! Thanks. Kids are nuts.

haha, man... all these quests were making laugh so much. you really need to add more, I think you'd get a lot of comments, or we should all contribute. kids say the funniest things

I demand that Candy gurl and Vampirate add more. It amuses me.

By the way, do you all know that children, our so called future, are all evil? They are part of a conspiricy involving day care centres and the Devil

Kids say the darndest things

I remember this one time when my sister & I where kids andI got jealous one day (close to christmas) as I was sick of her going on and on about Santa bringing this, santa will bring her that ect............!!

So.....I dragged her up the stairs and into my mom & dads room, opened the door of their closet, and said theire is some of your damn Barbie stuff right there, Santa aint coming (you can just imagine what I told her about Santa)
She looked at me with a HUGE big smile on her face all excited (she was just 5 yrs old at the time) and I made her promise not to say a word and to follow my lead on christmas morning by acting all surprised, she agreed.

An hour later while watching tv with my dad in the living room, she came down the stairs all happy and singing, when my dad asked her why was she so happy, she looked at him and said - "I no longer want that Barbies car and house ect" he asked why, she replied..- "Because there are all up in your closet"
then pointing over to me she went on to tell him what I had told her.

My mom & dad where left in shock, my sister still all excited and I was left with a sore behind!!

when i was little my mom use to tell me this poem. i think it's chessy though


They said my dog is fat
Can you believe that!

My CH-UH-WA-WA only weighs one-sixty-two
What about you?

They said my dog is fat
Can you believe that!

They pushed her spirit to the floor
and then they flung it out the door

They said my dog is fat
Can you believe that!

Its not her fault shes fifty feet wide
Its not her fault she ate a little too much
whats so wrong with a second and third lunch!
My dog just loves to munch!

They said my dog is fat
Can you believe that!

My Ch-A-WA-WA is sweet her personality is really neat!
Its not her fault is the floor boards crack when she takes a step!

They said my dog is fat
Can you believe that!

Beckys_Mom, thats a great story! I never dared do anything like that.

Ok, Pinklesby, here are some more...

"I've had the day from hell."
A four year old, arriving in an after school club. She sounded just like an adult, it cracked me up!

"My new Mummy is a old hag, with pretend boobies, and plants in her bottom."
I think he may have meant "Implants"

"Mum says that wine makes grown ups clever"

The pre-school i was working in was moving, so the room had been completly emptied of everything. One child hurtled down the room and ran smack into the wall. Once i established that he was fine, i asked him why he did it. "Because i can run up walls." Was the answer. Obviously.


"Mr Jones and Miss Davis have moved in together."
"So, do you think that he's going to ask her out yet?"


"When my sister goes to the hospital to have her baby, the Dr will get a needle and stick it in her tummy, to make it go pop like a balloon. then the baby will be there instead."


"Only Frogs live in France, there aren't any people."

"Look at me, I'm Britney Spears!"
An eight year old boy, who then proceeded to stand on the nearest table and sing "Is this the way to Amerillo" in a high-pitched squeak. This i could deal with, it was all the other children copying him that was the problem.

Actually, i really can't believe half teh stuff iv'e just typed is considered normal for my daily routine? Does that make me crazy?

yea it does ok here is my embarresing moment and every body should post one!!
ok here i go

i was at a football game and i noticed all the players gathered around the side line. they'd bent down on one knee and even some had there heads down. i thought, Aw, there praying. They walked onto thefield and started playing, then a time out was called. So they went back over to the coach and got on one knee again. i looked at my friend and said WOW thats the second time i've seen them pray at this game- thats awesome. then some guy sitting below us turns around and says, " there not praying, thats a huddle"! I felt so stupid.

I lost count on how many times I have answered to him, and if he did the same question today, I would still say it.

I just can't let go of such a good opportunity to irritate someone.

EDITED TO CORRECT STUPIDITY

Such the rebel

I miss that show

i watched a family guy on that wow that was random but i did!!

Oo uuuuuuhhhh, my first post that states the major cause of my corrections. (look up)

Someday (in the distant future) you will find yourself saying it to your kids and when one of them says YES YOU DO...just remember who they took it after!!LOL

I think all parents have said that to their kids

my mom said it to me

when I was like 3 or 4 I once said to my mother

Me:"mommy,when I go to heaven can I take Jesus a Snickers bar"

my mother responds with a confused look

My Mom:"why?"


Me:" cause he's never had one!"

thats wicked funny i had a older sister and my mom said that we couldn't talk bad about each other so we would say to each other Auberey (my sister) is a mm mm. and it would drive her nuts and usally it wouldn't even mean anything to me. But it got my sister mad

a learned the dont pick your sister when shes holding a baseball bat the hard way

i remember when i was babysitting this little boy i think he was five. he was at the top of the stairs, and i guess i made him made because he hit me in the head with a basket ball. kind of hurt!