This question was brought up in another thread, and it got me wondering... Just why DID the chicken cross the road? I put in my two cents, but I figured I should ask a few close associates of mine for their opinions. Here is what they said:

PAT BUCHANAN, political commentator:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL, evangelist:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS, childrens author:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY, author:
To die.
In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR., civil rights activist:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA, old codger:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE, Father of Modern Thought:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX, Economic/Political Philosopher:
It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN, Dictator:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN, Former US President:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK, Starship Captain:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER, FBI Special Agent:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD, Psychiatrist:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES, Computer Geek:
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN, Scientist:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON, Former US President:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE W. BUSH, Former US President:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

THE BIBLE, A Book:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

AL GORE, Former US Vice-President:
Tipper and I had a love story written about us and that chicken, as a matter of fact I invented that chicken.

MYRON, Little Blue Man That Lives In My Mind:
Chickens!

COLONEL SANDERS, Fast Food Entreprenuer:
I missed one…

New answers to the old question..."Why did the chicken cross the road?"



GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

DONALD RUMSFELD
I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn't feel it was necessary to alert anyone.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook...and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE
That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.

THE BIBLE
And God said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?