Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier.
-Anonymous

Never accept a drink from a urologist. --Erma Bombeck

Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial. --Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

Never say "Oops" in the operating room. --Dr. Leo Troy

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. --Dan Zevin

Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. --Harry S. Truman

Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's 16-year-old daughter on your lap. --Anonymous member of a chain gang

Never use while sleeping. --Instruction on Conair hair dryer

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" --Rita Rudner

Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. --Woodrow Wilson

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the
room.--Winston Churchill

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. --John Peers

Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. --American
adage about newspaper editors.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. --Kimberly Johnson

Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he doesn't like what you have to say, it'll be OK because you'll be a mile way
and you'll have his shoes.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
--Hanlon's Razor

Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it. --Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb

Never eat more than you can lift. --Miss Piggy

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
--Sam Brown, The Washington Post

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
--Salvor Hardin

Never try to out-stubborn a cat. --Lazarus Long

Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing.

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked "petite"
and hold on to the receipt.

Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they
become dangerous.

Those are so cute.....

I loved this schadeaux.

This was my favourite:

[QUOTE]Never say "Oops" in the operating room. --Dr. Leo Troy
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" --Rita Rudner
[/QUOTE]
[/QUOTE]Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing[QUOTE]

These were great!!

I like them all schadeaux, so there is too many to quote.

I'm with Al, they are all so funny I couldn't pick just a couple to quote!

Very, very funny Schadeaux

These are all great Schadeaux !!!! A lot of sage advise here

Um...the kicking a cowpie in the hot sun....been there done that. It was 1983 and my boots STILL smell otherwordly.

very nice stuff schadeaux

Great Schadeaux!

"Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing."

They were all very good, but this was my favorite.

Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy


Is that only in one sitting? ....