This somehow didn't make it to the bible, but I'm pretty sure it happened...
Adam is telling God how lonely he's been in the Garden of Eden.
"You've made the day and the night, the land and the sea, the trees and the
animals. But what I really want with me in the Garden is a perfect companion.
I want someone who will cook for me and take care of me. I want someone to
talk to at night and to think about during the day. Can you make such a being
for me?"
"Sure I can," replied God. "But it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam thinks for a second and replies, "well, what can I get for a rib?"
Full Version: Just Jokes...
Surviving Scary Situations
--------------------------
* When it seems that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if
it's really dead.
* If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a
church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went
mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house,
move away immediately.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
* If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than
their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. NOTE: It will probably take some time to kill them, so be
prepared.
* When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off or go it alone.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
* Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb,
crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
* If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that
it's just the cat, leave the room immediately, if you value your life.
* If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
* Do not take *anything* from the dead.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take
the hint and stay away.
* Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
what you are doing.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least
twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, although
you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
* Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed
here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
* If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
* Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge
trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,
soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
--------------------------
* When it seems that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if
it's really dead.
* If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a
church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went
mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house,
move away immediately.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
* If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than
their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. NOTE: It will probably take some time to kill them, so be
prepared.
* When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off or go it alone.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
* Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb,
crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
* If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that
it's just the cat, leave the room immediately, if you value your life.
* If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
* Do not take *anything* from the dead.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take
the hint and stay away.
* Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
what you are doing.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least
twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, although
you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
* Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed
here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
* If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
* Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge
trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,
soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
Life in prison versus a full time job
In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8'
x 10'cell. At work, I spend most of my time in a 6' x 8' pod.
In prison they get three meals a day. At work I only
get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work I
get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times. In prison
they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the
clothes.
At work there is a dress standard but I must buy my own
clothes. In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock
and open all the doors myself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all
the doors for me.
In prison they can watch TV and play games. At work I
can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a
new career and give me time to do it. At work they will pay for my
education but I must do it on my own time.
In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you
to use almost whenever you want. At work we have an exercise room
that you can use but it must be on your time.
In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious
consequences comes from my actions. At work if I fall asleep on the job I
get put on the next RIF list.
In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball and chained.
In prison you have full medical coverage with no
deductibles. At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles.
In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer, with
no work on their part. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to
work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
A liberal's solution for crime is more work for the poor.
A conservative's solution is more prisons.
In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8'
x 10'cell. At work, I spend most of my time in a 6' x 8' pod.
In prison they get three meals a day. At work I only
get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work I
get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times. In prison
they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the
clothes.
At work there is a dress standard but I must buy my own
clothes. In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock
and open all the doors myself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all
the doors for me.
In prison they can watch TV and play games. At work I
can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a
new career and give me time to do it. At work they will pay for my
education but I must do it on my own time.
In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you
to use almost whenever you want. At work we have an exercise room
that you can use but it must be on your time.
In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious
consequences comes from my actions. At work if I fall asleep on the job I
get put on the next RIF list.
In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball and chained.
In prison you have full medical coverage with no
deductibles. At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles.
In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer, with
no work on their part. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to
work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
A liberal's solution for crime is more work for the poor.
A conservative's solution is more prisons.
Ah, good point.... 
I forgot that one! 
I forgot that one!
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