You know you’re an Australian when...
You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.

You sleep with Aeroguard on.

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.

Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.

Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.

The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of plywood, handsaws, gum leaves and combs.

Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"

All of your internationally famous people don't live here.

You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny.

The only thing better than beating the Poms at ANY sport is giving them sh** for it.

You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.

You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.

Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.

Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.

You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.

Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.

The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.

An eight-hour car trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.

You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.

The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.