Between June and August, high school dropout Jonathan Harris, 34, acted as his own lawyer in three Philadelphia felony cases and won them all, including a murder trial that could have sent him to death row. At press time, he had scheduled two more for himself, on a 2001 gun charge and at a new trial on several lesser charges related to the murder (although he had taunted a prosecutor in court about taking him on again). The prosecutor blamed the murder verdict on unreliable and no-show witnesses. [Newsday-AP, 8-18-03]
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Least Competent Criminals

Zachary G. Holloway, 20, and a pal were arrested in Springfield, Ill., in September and charged with breaking into one car (and stealing, among other things, a motorcycle helmet) and attempting to break into another. To try to get into the second car, Holloway put on the helmet, stood back from the car, and charged into it, head-butting a window, unsuccessfully, twice. The two were arrested shortly afterward. [State Journal-Register (Springfield), 9-5-03]
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Wimpy Americans

Ms. Jamila Glauber filed a lawsuit against the transit system in Juneau, Alaska, because a driver's attempt to enforce the well-known no-eating rule on a bus (it was a Snickers bar) caused her, she says, at least $50,000 worth of emotional distress (July). And Kenneth Williams, in jail near San Diego, awaiting trial for raping an underage girl, filed a lawsuit against the facility because of the mental stress and anguish and weight-loss caused by finding a fly in his mashed potatoes (June). And the post office in Fulton, Mo., removed a tape dispenser that had long been available for customers to seal packages, because a customer had hurt himself using it and had filed a claim against the Postal Service (June). [Juneau Empire, 7-23-03] [San Diego Union-Tribune, 6-3-03] [Fulton Sun, 6-13-03]
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More Things to Worry About

A 46-year-old woman was hospitalized in critical condition when she dropped a coin while at a drive-thru window at a McDonald's, then opened her minivan door to retrieve it, taking her foot off the brake, allowing the van to inch forward, trapping her head in the open door, which lodged against a post (Burke, Va., August). And the CEO of Diebold Inc., a leading manufacturer of voting machines that register votes through the company's unique technology, committed to support President Bush's re-election and wrote a fund-raising letter for Ohio Republicans (August). [Washington Post, 8-22-03] [Plain Dealer, 8-28-03]
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Not My Fault

The police department in Madera, Calif., and its officer Marcy Noriega filed a lawsuit in July against the manufacturer of Taser guns (nonlethal guns that fire incapacitating electrical charges), claiming it was the company's fault that Noriega, reaching for her Taser, inadvertently drew her real gun and fatally shot a man resisting arrest. According to Noriega, the Taser looks so much like a real gun that she couldn't help it, and Taser International Inc., should have provided better warnings and training. [Fresno Bee, 7-29-03]

Fund manager Scott R. Sacane of Norwalk, Conn., defending himself in July against charges that he ignored Securities and Exchange Commission rules requiring investors to give notice when they buy large percentages of a publicly traded stock, said the mistakes were not his fault. In a filing with the commission, he said he had no idea that he had acquired 33 percent of one company (far exceeding the reporting threshold) and 78.5 percent of another, blaming the problem on a software failure over a three-week period. [New York Times, 7-30-03]
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Full Article LINK/More unbelievable news stories

You’re have to excuse me for not being more precise, and not having dates and things. But I remember one case in England were a robber broke into a house while the family were out, and while proceeding to fill his van outside, as he was making his way down from the bedroom with a portable TV, he slipped on the stair carpet and broke both his legs tumbling down the stairs with the TV. He was unconscious when the family returned. The thief later sued the family for not having their stair carpet nailed down properly. He was cleared of all charges, and unbelievable, walked away with damages against the family, HE was robbing….

That kind of thing makes me absolutely SICK! As far as I'm concerned, if someone breaks into your home, then they shouldn't HAVE any rights if they injure themselves...robbing banks is one thing, but personally robbing from a person's home is absolutely sickening. Quite frankly, a home owner should be allowed to do whatever the hell he likes to a burglar...kill him for all I care, do the world a favour by having one less scumbag walking around.

Human rights for criminals just shouldn't exist...'human rights' are a privilage for someone functioning as part of a society, and in my mind, once you step outside the borders of that society and do something like this, then you shouldn't then consider yourself entitled to the rights given to you by the society.

What about the god damn rights of the people he tried to rob!?

An elderly lady in the UK was told to take the barbed wire down from here walls surrounding her house, because burgulars could hurt themselves on it.

My brother's friend was stabbed in his own house with a screwdriver, he survived. He didn't manage to claim anything, no doubt if it was the other way around, and the burgular was stabbed, the burgular would have walked away with half a million pounds.

starlyte, this is great! I have been a huge fan of Chuck's for many years. He does a great job finding the most hilarious stuff in the strange world we live in. I especially like the "infamous middle name" section; those whose middle name is "Wayne" and are recently either accused or convicted of murder (does Gacy ring any bells?). Pretty long list, for some reason...

Anyone here with a middle name "Wayne?"

Thanks, starlyte!