Since Christians, Jews and Muslims all complain about "paganization", I propose a conscious effort to rename everything. Hear me out, please: no, this doesn't belong in the humor section. Let's get rid of all the Greek, Roman, Norse and other pagan names for everthing, and come up with non-denominational Judaeo-Xian-Islamic variants. I was thinking stick to the Hebrew when possible, since most N.T. names have Hebrew Scripture predecessors. Could we have a little fun with this? Start with the names of the planets and the days of the week. Sunday and Monday might stay the same, but of course, let's rename Saturday back to Sabbath. Tuesday (and Mars) might be good for Solomon or Samson, and I favor David for Thursday and Jupiter. Renaming Friday and Venus after Miriam would include the Virgin Mary and the sister of Moses. For that matter, Neptune could become "Leviathon". Volcanization might become "Satanization". Let's avoid "Lucifer" since that's only n.t. Give it a try; "be not afraid"!

Far Out! lol...Well im going for a late night coffee but when i come back ill try to hop on this bandwagon..!

I'll try...

Mercury---Saul
Venus---Magdeline
Earth---Eden
Mars---Herod
Jupiter---Moses
Saturn---Abraham
Uranus---Ramses
Neptune---Peter
Pluto---Satan

Don't have the days of the week yet...

The Bible-Aristophanes's 'The Birds'
Jesus-Hermes
Mohammed-Mars
Abraham-Chronos

Riot! This at least provides some like minded company to the "No humor in religion" thread!


Something new....

In the beginning there was nothing. And then nothing decided it was bored being void, and so it made something of itself. And lo was surprised.
Then nothing decided something walking up right would be a hoot, and so he whispered into the ear of a prime mate and "poof" there was born little hairlesses walking upright and afraid. The first of them was known as Ralph. And then he made friends with another hairless named Turtle. (Because Eve was like...silly! Eve of what!? Eve of day, eve of the house? What!?)

And then they decided long after the first of them was created, to write down all the neet stuff they witnessed in their barefoot hairless travels. They called the sacred diary "The birds", and began the first page of Ralph's Read for the Birds in Eden.

After awhile they realized they had a neighbor named Pluto, that often spoke of the spat he'd had with Hermes millennia before and how now they were in a competition of perching on the shoulders of upright hairlesses and challenging them to obey one or the other's commandments. *There are 10 in total. The divine hairless tablets of the Big Nono's! But that's another post*

And so upright hairless thought this over, being a perch for Pluto and Hermes may be fun. And so hairless, who everyone called "Ralph", decided this game would be fun. He will freely act on what he thinks is the best advice between the two sides-0-perching, and honor the wisdom of those created wiser and longer lived than himself. And so Ralph decided to make a few diaries and share what he knew and was to learn, so he could make friends just like himself, in a tiny place under a tree somewhere in Eden.

And so, after many years and lot's of footwork, Ralph became quite the popular hairless. Copies of his diary were dispensed across the lands he ventured to when he decided to listen to Pluto and leave the spot under the tree to see what else he could get into across all of Eden.

Hairless discovered that he could make a new friend in Mars, who was a bit impressed and secretly allowed the perchers to enter his hairless existance after Reading Ralph's for the Birds. And later he became quite reserved in punishing fellow readers when he was judge and leader of other hairlesses on the border of the sandy place, when asked to attend the trial of a hairless that had written a few of his own pages for the Reading. Saturn demanded the upstart hairless be covered in chocolate and thrown to the non-Ralph readers as a treat, but no! That wouldn't be merciful to the powers of Carbohydrate, to overload the un-faithful as they devoured hairless like a "Bad for ya" treat on Hermes Sunday.

So they let him go. And he stole the vat of chocolate and hasn't been seen since. Which really ticked off Jupiter because after carrying Ralph's Read carved in stone, and across hot sand for a really long time, he was in search of fresh water and a frosted cupcake, or perhaps a bite of that bunny he'd heard about back in Uranus's triangle.

Neptune was of course the most moody of the Ralph Readers, as he wandered and spread the hairless word. Mars perked right up because his head had been wrapped in a cloth after he fell from off of a camel, and since he liked the fit he'd worn it for years after. However, the cotton plugged his ears and so he didn't hear much when other hairlesses shared a word. But the Ralph Read was exactly what he needed to while the time away and perhaps add his own page or three.

Then the powers of creation had an Epiphany, because they made one. And decided to bring a hairless into the world that would have read Ralph's for the Birds, long before arriving , so as to know what was written already and so as to provide a helpful edit when things got hairy.
So the powers found a hairless that wanted to be the one to give life to the know it all reader of Ralph's for the Birds.

Venus gave life to Hermes and that changed everything.
One hairless became so befuddled after reading to page 1987 that he changed his name to Mercury. *(and because he really wasn't that fond of Paul. Regardless of what the Pluto percher had to say. ("Think of the rock, hairless! You can do something there if you just set your mind to it!" But nooooo! )

The Birds of Ralph's Read , sold the most copies ever recorded in hairless literate markets. And spread across the globe unto Chronos, that had many son's and one in particular he use to like to play a game with wherein he would take one of his boys to a rock and decide between Pluto and Hermes, his next move! He did this over and over again, tempting the perchers that had arrived shortly after his read of Ralph's Book for the Birds. Live or die, live or die. Hermes and Pluto had a quirky nature,Chronos would always joke, as he led any one of his sons from the rock, so as to live to play the game another day. (Charles, Irving, Ralph the lesser, and Kenny, all played dad's game. Praying each time they were laid prostrate on that stone that Pluto would beat Hermes to the punch. Or skewer, as the case may be.
And lo it came to pass that page 28 had a word to say in reading Ralph's for the birds:

We really miss Chucky!

So to this day Eden is populated by Ralph's Read for the Birds. Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune , Chronos and Mars, are the biggest proponents and are quite well known because someone created billboards.
Meanwhile Hermes and Pluto continue to perch, promising eternity after life so the game can be played close up and always. And the hairless uprights are saved from thinking over much but just enough, to keep their individual relationship with the perchers alive and well for as long as they live.

So ends the tale of Ralph's Read for the Birds.


HailReaderHairless!

Lets see.
Capricorn - The Scapegoat
Aquarius - Elijah's pitcher of oil
Taurus - Red heifer
Leo - Lion of Judah
Virgo - Eve
Aries - Ram of Epypt
Gemini - Cain and Abel

good responses from everyone. thanks, I am speechless, for once. I really hadn't included the zodiac. Libra could be the "Torah". Orion could be Adam. c'mon, guys, the possibilities are endless.

Ok. In Tarot cards wands could be shepard's crooks and pentacles could be mogen davids.

Bella-strangely, I think you are the only one who "gets" this one. we could go with the fool being Job, the Magician simon Magnus, the priestess-Delilah, empress-Deborah, emperor-
pharoah, pope-Peter, lovers-Isaac and Rebeccah, etc.

I think it is fun.
How about changing Europe to Esteria?

Actually, changing from one mythology system to another doesn't make sense....Let's go for secular names instead!

in order to do this and make it work it would have to be changed in all languages which would be a momentous task indeed

i agree with you mako , it would make little difference and most likely would not be easilly accepted anyway

Bella, you forgot Pisces!!

okay-Pluto was original called "Herschell". Why not rename the planets after scientists? Neptune could be Newton, Mercury could be Marie Curie, etc.


why? let's start with English.

Forget scientists, let's go for what society really values today.......

Planets
Mercury - Steven Spielberg
Venus - Tom Cruise
Earth - Paris Hilton
Mars - Monday night Lotto
Jupiter - Johnny Depp
Saturn - Mickey Mouse
Uranus - NFL Superbowl
Neptune - Brittney Spears
Pluto - MTV

I want top rename the moon "Heinlein"; I think he might have liked that. Can you imagine? Oh no, it's Heinleinday and I have to go back to work!

Darn y'alls took all the other cool ones...So i'll leave ya with this!

Planets

Mercury - Guiness
Venus - Corona
Earth - Absynth
Mars - Vodka
Jupiter - Gin
Saturn - Rum
Uranus - Heineken
Neptune - Bourbon
Pluto - Carlton

Anyone feelin thirsty yet? I know i am..!

Sorry. I ran dry for ideas for a bit.

For Pieces how about Leviathon?

Asteroid belt - Samuel Adam's Belt

I could handle that one

Just one thing though. We will still be stuck with the butt jokes every time we post on this planet.

Uranus - Heineken

Anyone here watch the t.v. show "Futurama"? There is this episode where they are going to Uranus. The scientist tells the guy from the twentieth century, "We changed that a hundred years ago to avoid confusion. Now we call it "Yourrectum".