I have a connection to a local video store. This usually means I get to watch the new releases for free the week before they come out; I usually love this privilege.
Not last night, not by a long shot.
My wife insisted we watch "Bloodrayne", even after I showed her Uwe Boll's name on the back of the case and reminded her of how much we both despised "Alone in the Dark". But no, my darling wife loves all things vampiric so we watched, and I vomited.
The movie was too bad to even be funny. It was just an offense to the film it was shot on.
But it did get me thinking.
I read "Dracula" for the first time when I was 8 or 9, and I loved it, adored it, built a shrine to it in my room. OK, maybe not the last part, but I was really into vampires. Read books about real-life vampires, watched any movie with blood-drinkers in it (even though some of them just sucked and I hated them even then), went five straight Halloweens as a vampire. My mother began to worry.
Eventually, I found other things to be interested in, and vampires became just another thing that I loved.
Fast forward to last night. I'm sitting there suffering through another Uwe Boll feces fest, amusing myself by watching the girl that plays Rayne jiggling out of her top, when it hits me:
Vampires have gotten really #$%@ing lame.
So I start searching my memory for the last good Vampire movie and I have to go all the way back to "Interview with the Vampire" in the mid '90s. It's been 10 years since there was anything Vampiric in the movies, and books too, that was really good. Then the questions hit:
Is this just me being "too demanding" (a quote from my wife) of my books and movies?
Are people really artistically challenged enough to find things like "Bloodrayne" and "Blade III" cool?
Is my wife right and people look at books and movies as simpleminded entertainment instead of the works of art they could and should be? (That question actually scares me the most, since it would make my wife right about something. )
Why is it that most Vampire books and movies fall into two categories (Melodramatic-Soap Operatic-Quasi-Erotica and GoreFest) when there is so much more to the legend that could and should be worked with?
Am I alone in thinking these things?

Reponses and opinions are welcome (except the following: "I love Buffy" or any variant thereof, any response with positive things to say about Poppy Z. Brite or Laurel K. Hamilton -- I have read them, they are trash for lonely housewives. And please don't try to turn me on to Anne Rice, I own every book she has published, and yes, I am aware that it is partly her fault that half of Vampire media is of the Melodramatic-Soap-Operatic-Quasi-Erotica category.)

well buddy we have no one to blame but the mergance of action/horror genre that occured in the 1990's and ever since, pre pubescent 14 year olds have loved it thus Hollywood bought another ticket for easy money making.

god it makes me think of the rescent dracula 3000 one of the worst films ive ever seen. watch it, youll appreciate how much i hate how horror has gone down the sh**ter lately.

Good point about kids ruining everything, but it isn't just horror, am I the only one that has noticed damn near everything is now marketed to the 13-18 demographic?

OMFG........ I HAVE FELT THAT WAY FOR SOOOOOOO LONG. FOR ME IT WAS WHEN "THE LOST BOYS" WAS RELEASED. AND THE ONLY SATISFACTION THAT GAVE WAS THAT WE FINALLY HAD SOMETHING THAT WASN'T A DIRECT SPIN OFF OF ANY OF THE OLDER BRAM STOKERS VERSIONS.
LUCKILY I HAD BEGUN READING A SERIES OF BOOKS AROUND '88 THAT GAVE ME SOMETHING NEW. WE HAD A NEW TYPE OF VAMPIRE, AND A NEW VAMPIRE HUNTER.
PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF IT, AND PERHAPS NOT. IT'S BRIAN LUMLEYS "NECROSCOPE" SERIES. NO MELODRAMATIC VAMPIRES AND NO LESS THAN WORTHY HEROES.
LUMLEY STRAYS FROM THE CONVENTIONAL IDEA ABOUT VAMPIRISM, BUT DOES SO VERY WELL IN THE MANNER IN WHICH HE BLENDED THE OLD MYTH WITH HIS IDEA OF ITS BIRTH
UNFORTUNATELY, AS FAR AS MOVIES GO, WE'RE STILL IN THE MUD. QUEEN OF THE DAMNED AND THE LATEST "BLADE" INSTALLMENT ARE AS CLOSE AS WE'RE GONNA GET. THE LATEST UNDERWORLD WASN'T MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRST, SO I WOULDN'T WASTE MY TIME. I WAS ALSO A FAN OF THE "BLOODRAYNE" VIDEO GAME, BUT WHEN I SAW THE TRAILER FOR THE MOVIE, I PUT THE DISC AWAY AND HAVEN'T TOUCHED IT OR IT'S SEQUEL SINCE.
AND AS FOR WHAT THE WIFE HAD TO SAY..... WE'LL SEE JUST HOW RIGHT SHE IS.....

Started to read Lumley once, but the title and cover of the book turned me off so much I just left it alone. The book might have been good, but everything else just screamed "hack". As for "Underworld" oh hell no! My wife loves that idiot movie, and insists I watch it with her periodically. All I can think of every time I watch it, is some little kid sitting in the dirt banging action figures together and screaming "Look Mommy! Dracula's fighting the Wolfman!" If "Queen of the Damned" is as close as we are going to get to a good vampire movie then God help us all. It is another one of my wife's favorite's and probably my least favorite since I put "The Vampire Chronicles" up there with "Dracula". The places where this movie went wrong are so laughable. Just the casting makes it campy. Lestat is blonde and suave, not a redheaded goth-boy. David is old as dirt, not a bespectacled 40. Akasha came from Mesopotamia, not Africa. Marius is a big blond Roman, not a short, dumpy guy that looks like (and I hate to say this since my Dad and I run a lot together) a used car salesman. Jesse is about the only one that was correctly cast. And the music....Korn?! Wtf?! From the time I heard they were making this movie, I had one thought for the music: Type O Negative using Anne Rice's lyrics from the novel. But noo-oo we get Korn with their own lyrics. That right there made me avoid the movie until my wife pulled the "Baby, let's watch this..." on me. We still fight about it every now and then, she hasn't read the book so she doesn't understand why the movie blows goats, and of course she refuses to read the books because I know then that the movie would ruined for her. Maybe I could do a switch on her, take the cover off some of the books and replace them with Laurel K. Hamilton covers. She'd eat it up then...

Good post. The Brian Lumley series "The Necorscope" is very good. Laure K Hamilton is soft porn and bad writing. The vampire movie scene for the most part is crap. The Underworld series is fairly good, but other than that. Nothing. It is ashame since vampires are my favorite. I have to say I did love the Buffy series, but it was more because of the cast then anything to do with vampires.

your wife is right!

I thought John Carpenters, Vampires was an alright watch, but like you said i was in that age group at the time, i think it was more of a vampire hunters movie, what do you think would make a good vampire movie-book now adays?

Yeah Queen of the Damned sucks. The ONLY reason I love it is cause the guy is HOT.

Excellent question!
Movies: First of all something for adults, and I don't mean in the erotic/gore manner. Just adult themes, with adult actors. Don't get the "hot kids" that seem to be in every damn movie to do another PG-13 "horror movie"; get some grown folks and make the movie a hard R, borderline NC-17. Make the movie so atmospheric and terrifying that it can't be anything but a hard R; I want it to make teenagers and Christians piss their pants in fear. Bring it on!
Books: As an aspiring writer, I got a good one, but I'll keep it to myself. But in a general sense, there is a lot left in the essential vampire myth that can be worked by a highly skilled writer. The psychology of addiction and desire, the psychology of living in total negation of the human race, endless abnormal psychology. Don't throw the sex out, it is an essential part of the myth, but come on, how many times do we have to have women or men swooning to big teeth? Twist it in some way, I don't mean homosexual either, make it new. I like what Anne Rice did in "Vittorio": the hero fights Ursula tooth and nail for most of the book, before giving in to her, not because he has to -- death is always a choice for the victim -- but because he loves her and wants to spend a literal eternity with her.

Man, hush!

OK, for the record I know she is right but I won't admit it for 2 reasons:
1) It would make her right about something and that changes everything.
2) I would like to believe people occasionally aspire to something higher than "I can veg out in front of this for a couple of hours" when it comes to being entertained. Just because you a$$ is planted on the couch doesn't mean you mind can't be humming along at 5000 RPM.

Near Dark.....................Classic movie.

One of the best vampire moives of all time but it was made in the late 80's or early90's.

I tend to think all movies are dwindling down into the sub--intellectual teenage range -- horror movies especially. I tend to read more than watch movies. What did you think of Jean Kalogridis' trilogy? -- kinda a spin off on the original Dracula.

Also, as an aspiring novelist, I agree that there are many story-lines left to explore in the vampire subgenre. I'm halfway through one right now

Haven't read that trilogy. Will have to check it out. Thanks for the info.

Add another movie to the heap of Vampire related trash: 'Ultraviolet'. Even my ever-so-lovely-but-will-watch-ANYTHING wife kept asking "Does it have a plot?" I just kept yawning. Milla Jovavich (sp?) hasn't done a good movie since the first "Resident Evil" movie. All "Ultraviolet" amounted to was "Aeon Flux" (another cinematic miscarriage in the great biohazard bin of Hollywood) with the virus turning people into Vampires. Yawn...yawn..yawn...

I am an avid reader and hence I love books. There is a difference between literature and fiction, or as I call it pulp fiction as it will wind up as pulp. Fiction has a rightful place in this society. There has always been the reading for the masses and the reading for the ones who wish to have more sustenance. This has always been since the beginning of mass printing. We dont have much of a representation of it now because only the best have survived. All im saying is dont knock the fluff sometimes you can read something just to read. It doesn’t always have to be life affirming or changing.

Having said that, all movies are sh*t. Honestly we arent just talking horror or vampire. When was the last time you watched a movie and were really impressed? I can only name one so far this year and I watch a lot of movies. Authors and screenwriters write what sells and right now crapola sells.

Speaking of good books dealing with vampires, two series that I enjoyed were The Vampire Earth series by E.E. Knight and the Noble Dead series by Barb and J.C. Hendee.

The last time I watched a movie and was really impressed? The Unrated DVD of "The Hills Have Eyes" impressed me, but only just because it was watchable. I didn't really have high expectations for it.
The last time I let out a "Hell yeah!" for a movie? The third X-men movie. Not because of overall quality, but just because Wolverine kills Phoenix in the end. I love it when the cowboy rides away/ spurns the girl/ just kills her outright. So tired of sappy endings.
The last movie I loved from the get go? Easy. "Constantine." Would only change one thing about it: Let the man light a smoke instead of shove some Wrigley's in his mug during the final scene.
I would argue that not all movies are crap, but rather that there are some genres that Hollywood just can't do. Horror is the big one. The list of decent horror movies all time can be counted on one hand. Westerns is another. Only one good one ever: "Tombstone." And science-fiction (I don't mean sci-fi aka "brainless sh*t like Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, etc" I mean real real nuts-and-bolts-the-grit-of-Arrakis-in-your-teeth science fiction), forget about it, hollywood can't do it --other than "2001: A Space Odessy" and "A. I.", of course.
About the only thing film is good for is comedies, (humor strikes me as more of a visual medium than one to be read) and most of them are just useless (ie, "The Pink Panther". It was announced today that NASA would stop trying to explore the universe and instead focus on trying to discern exactly why Steve Martin was ever considered funny.) Occasionally, you get an aberration, a decent movie out of some genre that is usually complete tripe. But for the most part comedies, and just plain action movies, are about the only good movies. I suppose mostly since I don't expect anything from them in the first place.

You and I my dear have two completely different tastes in movies. So our discussion based on taste concerning movies is moot. I dont enjoy comedies very often because I dont find juvenile or toilet humour funny. I still hold to my former comment although I am amending it a bit: 99.6% of all newly released movies are sh*t.

p.s. you must admit that some of S.Martins old stuff was funny in a slapstick sort of way. I mean come on The Jerk didnt elicit the merest of giggles from you?

99.6% is a good number, I could agree to that. LOL. And as far as "The Jerk" goes: No, Steve Martin wasn't funny in the movie.

I havent seen it in years but as a kid I thought it was Heelarious.

Operative phrase: "as a kid". To sound like a broken record: Most movies are marketed to the "I've got my first pubes!!!" crowd, leaves the grown folks high and dry, for the most part.

I couldnt agree more.

Thank you for agreeing. Tis good to know that there are other people one this planet who won't accept the urbanization and toddlerization of the entertainment world. And I just read what I wrote in that last post and, oy vey, I sound so old. I'm only 27 for Christ's sake! See what a live action "Scooby-Doo" has done to me!!!

i totally agree that the horror genre has become a bit of a farce recently. a lot of people seem to think the descent was a modern masterpiece, but personally i thought it was poo. the last half decent horror film i saw was calvaire (the ordeal), a french/beligium film.

i'm a screenwriter myself. i was pitching a screenplay last month to a bunch of producers, a comedy, and was told that all anyone is looking for at the moment is trashy horror films for the teen market. so it's a bit of a sorry state.

thankfully there's still a market for decent, adult horror, just seems that no-one is writing one at the moment. which is why that's my next project

Would love to see or read an adult orientated horror. And by adult I dont mean a 2 1/2 hr excuse to have the ladies get their t*ts out. If I want to see a naked lady I can look in the mirror without my frock. By doing so Id save a few bob.

You dont sound old mate. Im younger than you and I think the worlds art forms are going pear shaped.

Edit: too many spelling errors for my Type-A self

I'm an aspiring novelist and I keep threatening to write a screenplay, or go back to college and major in film this time. I'm tired of the teenage crowd being the target demographic.
That brings up a philosophical question about the moral responsibility of marketing brainless slasher trash to, basically, kids. Are the entertainment media and the education system going to be at fault when these kids grow up into legion after legion of barely functioning waterheads?
There's a horror plot: "I Am Legend" with the twist that instead of vampires, everyone but the protagonist has been turned into an vegged out, Wes Craven loving Special Olympian.

i am legend is a great book. currently in production with, wait for it...will smith.

seriously

Ah, a decent choice, not one to get excited about, but better than say Owen Wilson (almost what I would expect).
Side Bet! Who wants to lay $50 that they change the ending?

Will Smith ...... I think i just vomited in my mouth a little.
I am legend is a fantastic book. I admit it, I cried like a wee nip when he lost that damn dog. Damn that scene.

I think that's life. Check out some studies sometimes about what employers think about new college graduates - completely lacking basic intelligence, especially the ability to think for themselves (self-motivate, self-regulate) and NOT prepared for the world. Vapidness (vapidity?) seems to be the thing kids ASPIRE to these days. Sad.

I'm SO glad to hear someone near my age (okay, I'm 31 - close enough) who is disgusted with the state of entertainment.

I think that I have abandoned movies (except some classics) and am entertaining myself solely with books now.

Vapidity is taught in our education system. I was majoring in education until I saw for myself how the standardized testing and the general stupidity of the teachers is just trickling down to the kids. My cousin is 16 and in my old high school. She was telling the other day about her World Studies class. I am guessing it is something like World History with a multicultural, watered down version of each region's culture included. Anyhow, in this WS class the teacher the teacher showed the students "Troy", "Gladiator" and "The Patriot". All three R-rated, shown to 16-year-olds, all three dubious at best for historical value. This school was chock full of meatballs when I was there, but damn, this is worse.
Actually, when you stop and think about it, we are slouching towards something like "Brave New World" in a couple of generations. And that is scarier than any vampire, or any other kind of horror, movie/ novel.

Okay Warning Im going to say some things that are going to piss people off so be warned. lol

Here goes:

College and university education can be had by most people through the help of free education ( in the UK and Canada) for technical fields, and student loans and government grants (US). 30 years it ago it took real brains and desire to get into high education. You had to prove yourself to be capable to succeed. Now we are so worried about giving 'everyone' an equal opportunity that we have reduced the quality of what a universty degree means. I do not believe that everyone deserves a higher education. If you work hard and are determined you should get a chance yes. Just because you can pay the tuition per term or play a sport or whatnot doesnt mean you deserve to be there.

Degrees are quickly become worthless. 50 years ago one didnt need to have a degree to get a stable well paying job. Now you cant work anywhere (not included food service, retail etc) without a degree, even if its art history, or classical studies (just examples). This constant demand for diplomas I believe has caused a great deal of universities to lower their standards. Universities make good money off of lessons. Like any good business you will turn a profit off a society that requires something that you can provide. In doing that they have inadvertently (i hope) decreased the value of that which they are providing.

Young people entering university these days are unable to cope and the drop out rate at higher education institutions are one the rise. This may mean that degrees will once again be something one has to work for.

We are definitely rushing towards a Brave New World of our own making. I honestly am not going to say that is necessarily a bad thing. Looking toward others to instill a love of learning into your children is unacceptable.

Whew! *steps off soap box*

Cheers

Standing Ovation!
Education is just another business. Spit out the product: barely functioning waterheads. Example: my wife and I used to a roommate that was in her third year of college, working towards a psychology degree. She had no idea what an archetype was, or who the Brothers Grimm were, and she was one of the more intelligent college students I have met.
Here in the States I blame the ignorance in our society on one thing: The Bill of Rights.
The men that wrote that document (one of the signers, Arthur Middleton, was a distant ancestor of mine), thirsted after knowledge and freedom like a drowning man hungers after air. And as brilliant as the BoR is, it is missing one key component: qualifications. I believe that the Founding Fathers expected the nation would continue to grow and succeed, if it even survived, as a nation of people after their own hearts: hungering and thirsting after knowledge.
Instead our people hunger and thirst after space, space to sit and absorb the world instead of understanding it. Space to own and cower in from the outside world. Space to be blank.
So I propose this: citizen's rights are earned. All colleges should be state funded, not in the business of making money, but in the business of improving the nation. Each year of college earns a citizen extra rights, with voting being reserved for those that finish college. That should create sufficient drive to learn; replace the thirst for space with the thirst for knowledge, or we will be in a Brave New World, one painted fuscia and electric blue.