I'm at a loss right now. This is starting to really effect my life, and I can't control it. I'm hoping for some advice, if anyone can spare some time to read this thing...

I have an ex-boyfriend from 9 years ago taking over my mental life. It ended terribly, but we were still emotionally dependant on each other until I just had it and ended all connections with him so long ago for my sake.

In the beginning of this year, I get this bad, bad feeling that something is wrong with him. Like a life-and-death kind of thing. I couldn't shake it, it was just really a horrible feeling, worse then any one I had EVER felt! Usually if I find out what it is, and see if I can help, it subsides and fades. These super strong feelings didn't fade even when I found the source of his anguish, though I didn't want to contact him to help, and the episodes have subsided as I believe his pain has subsided.

I never thought much about these strong bouts of emotional energy I feel from others until I had to deal with his emotional energy. It was never really bad bad feelings, usually just everyday stress, or activity, but now I'm finding I need to turn this switch off sometimes to get through some useful thoughts. I'm married, I have a child, a career. I can't have this happening. Should I take this to a relationship board? LOL

My second question is advice on how to responsibly turn this off and on, if it is something I can do that with. Any books I can read to help?

The relationship ended nine years ago? You're now married with a child? Is your husband aware of this. I hope he's giving you support. That's what he's there for.

Are you still in love with this ex, or just feeling sympathy? Don't get them confused.

You don't need books, just use your own sensibility. We all have relationships that go sour.
Actually, how many women don't have an unstable ex boyfriend?

You mention epsisodes. What is he believing about himself or acting out that you find unbearable? Threats of suicide? You, your child and your husband are now the ongoing priorities. Careers can be resurrected, lives can't. You only have to put up with so much, even if it is from someone you loved.

Does he have times of sensibility when he responds to calm suggestion? Then tell him how his actions affect you. Otherwise cut off contact altogether. He's not your problem. I hope this helps. All the best.

Thanks for the down-to-earth reply.

I'm not in love with the guy, I really evaluated my feelings about this multiple times. I'm sympathetic, but I want nothing to do with him, I care about his well-being because we were really good friends before we took it further. I have cut contact with him from around the time we split. I would not be able to even be friends with him because he was so woo-ey last time I had a strong feeling he was going through something bad (that proved to be true as his mother passed at that time). At that time, I still didn't contact him, and hadn't spoken to him for 5 years, then he contacted me. I ended contact after about 2 weeks of communications. My husband knows of my last episode when the guy's mother passed, because I actually talked to the ex, and didn't want hubby to get freaked out about it. This time, I don't want contact, so I didn't let hubby know. The ex isn't violent or trying to interfere with me or my family, and I really don't think he even knows that I am getting these intense vibes from him. I never told him, and I never will.

The strong feeling subsided, though lingers here and there, and I know what the actual problem was that the ex was having, and it's nothing that I should feel worried about, just something he was really scared about, but can get through on his own with his friends and family. This is why I didn't tell hubby.

I just am trying to find a way to purge this type of stuff from the 'ol brain cells for people I don't want to deal with anymore. I suppose I just shouldn't care so much, eh? Sounds callus, and I usually care when I sometimes shouldn't, and that gets me into trouble, I suppose.

Perhaps you've gotten to a point in your life where you are regretting your past so really you gave yourself to your ex and moved on best you could but now you sort of wish things were different and these feelings are coming to the surface because you can no longer contain them?

I'm not a real big believer in cross connection through mental emotions but in this case, it sounds like you are the problem not your ex in trouble transmitting feelings to you.

Perhaps you could find a doctor or something to help your with this.

If you want further proof, hire a P.I. or have your husband go and check up on your ex.