Many times I do nasty things to myself
Things that burn and scar and itch
Cause when I think of this f***ing sh**
I feel a pain and a sickening twitch

Drawing out my blade I touch its edge
Trail my fingers over its wonderful tip
Feeling alive as seconds pass by
While I chuckle softly to myself

Thoughts race through my mind
Thoughts of every kind
Just a tiny little cut I swear
To cure my constant state of despair

So I bring my blade down
Hard upon the tender flesh
Just below the elbow
And on my forearm's end

Drops of sweet warm blood
Spill from the open wound
And fleck my blade
As I screamed with hate

I am always in this kinda mood
When sometimes I follow the path of good
While at other times I feel the darkness
Creeping into my mind and my depressed thoughts

Silent screams burst forth
From my open mouth
As I cut deeper
Shredding the bloodied flesh once more

Caked in layers of flowing crimson
The blade I finally released
And now I know no more hatred
For all my troubles my pain has taken away

As eloquent and poised your prose is…I sure hope it doesn’t physically occur in your life.

Do you want to share your thoughts and meaning of what you have written?

I share Aquila's concern, Ashiene, as this is the third poem I've seen authored by you relating to self mutilation.

Inspiration that burns as bright as yours tends to carry with it an equal helping of depression. You'll find a number of people here in the W & A Hangout, in addition to other forums, who have dealt with this. I believe it is correlation but not causation.

What I'd suggest is taking a break from the macabre and try tapping into sources that yield love, humor, and other positive energy. I've read a number of Stephen King novels, and he incorporates humor whenever possible. It isn't comedy for the masses, but I'm certain that it's therapeutic for him.

I can't think of anything that was more vital to my recovery from severe depression than learning to make myself laugh. Helping others to laugh along the way is a fringe benefit. People do care, Ashiene, but you must also care about yourself. Depression is the standard by which we measure happiness, so exploit it but don't be consumed by it.

Best wishes,
Brian

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC1DA9A27ms