I would just like to know what ppl think on this story. please comment.

Blind Blue Eyes


Johnny shone his black flashlight upon the door in front of him. It was the last door in the basement of the rotting building that he hadn’t kicked down yet. He rattled the brass handle. Locked, just like all the others. But this particular door was metal, not wood. Somebody clearly wanted something kept secret. He had no idea how he was going to bust the door down this time. He looked around for a key or something to help him, but found only the steady drip-drip of water flowing from the ceiling and a musty-moldy smell coming from a gap in the wall. The closer he got to the hole the more it stank. At first it smelled like a dead hamster. Actually, the odor emanating from the hole smelled more like ten dead Fluffys –er, hamsters. That was another story. Great, I’ll probably die of air poisoning or black mold before I do my job, He thought to himself bitterly.

He looked at the door again and thought about running at the door and busting it down with his shoulder or perhaps kicking it down.

“Right, you’ll be broken or bruised if you did that, genius.” He said out loud. He was sure that the kidnapped girl was behind the door.

The young woman, Julie, had been kidnapped about a week ago. Her sister, Meg, had reported her missing when she had failed to show up at a business conference. The boss, James Orlando, had called Meg in search of his missing employee.

He looked at his gun. Duh He aimed his gun at the lock, and shot it four times. The door finally opened after Johnny kicked it a few times.
He kept his gun out and stepped into the dark room. An icy blast of air hit him in the face and a shiver ran down his spine. Keeping his flashlight steady, Johnny shined the light around the dark spine-chilling room. He saw a small mound in the corner farthest away from the door. He crept closer to investigate it. The closer he got, the more he realized that it was alive. A living mound? Now that’s not something you see everyday, he scoffed at himself.

It’s her, Johnny thought, who else could it be? He crept closer to the body, but he felt as if something wasn’t right. Each step brought him closer until he was standing only inches away. He squatted down and touched the body. Still alive. Before he could move, she whipped out a gun and shot him point blank in the head. As Johnny fell the rest of the way to the ground the girl shot him a few more times for good measure then ran out of the room, up the stairs and out of the rundown building.

<(o.O<) <(O.O)> (>O.o)>

Rusty sat in a hard dark blue hospital chair. She had an old Popular Mechanics magazine in her lap. It was opened to an article about Corvettes, but she wasn’t reading it. The secretary behind the front counter looked at Rusty and shook her head. Ever since Rusty got the news that her brother had gotten shot she sat in the hospital and waited. Even when the doctors had said that he’d live, she sat and waited, going home only to take a shower, change and then she’d come back to wait some more. He was all the family that she had. What if he woke up out of his coma and she wasn’t there? What would he think? He’d hate her, so she sat and waited.

The secretary left her desk and walked over to Rusty and sat down next to her.
“You need to eat,” the secretary, Joyce, said softly.

Rusty jolted out of her thoughts and looked flustered. She looked at Joyce and asked, “I’m sorry, what?”

“You need to eat,” Joyce repeated.

With a sigh Rusty replied, “You know I can’t do that. What if he wakes up? He needs me.”
Joyce knew when she was beaten. She knew that no matter how hard she’d try, Rusty wouldn’t budge. So she walked back to her desk and answered the ringing phone.

<(o.O<) <(O.O)> (>O.o)>

Johnny opened his eyes, or at least it felt like he did. Everything was so dark. He wondered where he was. He tried to move his hand to move whatever was stuck up his nose. His hand managed to flinch.

“Don’t move about,” a voice said from the darkness, “You’ll upset your tubes.”

How did the stranger know that he had tried to move? It was exceedingly dark, so he couldn’t see anything. He tried again to move but his body wouldn’t cooperate. In fact he couldn’t even feel his body. He tried to look down to see if he still had his body but the cursed darkness was too thick.

“I’m serious, don’t try to move. You’re all there,” The voice said again. “Trust me.”
“Who-“ Johnny managed to croak out.

“I wouldn’t advise you to speak either. You need more tranquillity before you start conferring.” The voice responded calmly. “To answer the question that I deem you’re trying to ask, I’m your doctor. I came to check your statistics and you happened to wake up. Admirable timing, huh?”

Johnny swallowed hard. How had he gotten here? Why was he here?
As if reading his thoughts the doctor said, ”You were shot in the head, left shoulder, stomach, right thigh, and in your chest, close to your heart. You’re considerably lucky to be alive right now. Why, if your partner what’s-his-name hadn’t found you you’d still be in that dilapidated edifice.”

“Bryan.” Johnny coughed.

“Yes, that’s him.” The doctor continued. “You appear fine. You just need to get some color back in your face though, looking a bit pale. Nevertheless, you were shot in the cranium.”
That just raised more questions in Johnny’s mind. If I ‘appear fine’ that means that the doctor can see me. How come I can’t see him?

He cleared his throat and tried to ask his question. His voice box wasn’t working either. Finally he got out; “You can see me?”

The doctor looked at Johnny, though he didn’t see it. “Well, you’re not invisible. The lights are on, I see you lying on your bed with tubes all around. Why? Can you see me?” the doctor sounded concerned.

“No. Everything’s dark.” Johnny coughed.

“Oh my, that’s not good. Not good at all…” He took his miniature flashlight out of his pocket and shone it in Johnny’s eyes. Johnny didn’t see the light. The doctor noticed that Johnny’s tiny pupils didn’t get bigger or smaller as the light hit them.

“Um…” the doctor started.

Pushing down rising panic, Johnny dared, “What? What is it?”

“Listen, I’m sure that it’s only temporary. The shot to your head probably caused it. It wasn’t a terribly bad shot…it didn’t do any serious harm, not to your brain, anyway. I’ll have to run some tests to see if it is temporary. Temporary blindness is very common in headshots. I should have guessed.” The doctor told Johnny soothingly. He saw Johnny start shaking, with panic on his face. The doctor went on, “It’s a miracle that you’re alive, sir. You could have lost more than your sight, like your life. I am truly sorry for your loss. I’ll understand if you want to be alone.”

All Johnny could think about was being blind. Blind! No sight, blind. All gone. Then he passed out.

<(o.O<) <(O.O)> (>O.o)>

Rusty followed the doctor to her brothers’ hospital room. She had only been in there a couple of times. She didn’t like it in there. It was too depressing.

He just laid there. Neither opening his eyes or responding to their noise. She pulled up a chair close to the bed and sat, watching her brothers’ face intently. The doctor left Rusty staring at her brother. After a while, she got up to use the bathroom.

As she washed her hands, she looked up into the mirror and noticed how much her face had changed. Her once healthy auburn-brown hair had lost its shine, and her green eyes had no sparkle left. She looked tired and her face had gotten skinnier from lack of food. Her brother had only been in the hospital for nine days so far, and already she was doing badly.

She left the bathroom and saw a man leaning on his IV rack, walking slowly and pausing every now and then and looking around as if lost.
Rusty’s compassionate side said to help the man, but her lonely side said to go back to her brother. The compassion won out. She walked up to the man and asked, “Are you lost, sir?”

Startled, the man looked in her direction. That’s when she first saw his eyes. The iris was a light shade of blue, almost white. Almost like a blind person’s eyes.
Blushing, the man said, “Uh, yeah. I have no clue where I am.”

“Do you know your room number?”

“Uh, no?”

Laughing slightly she replied, “Well I guess you’re S.O.L., then.” She couldn’t get over his
blue eyes. Without thinking she blurted, “Are you blind?”
Before he could get a single word out of his mouth, a Jamaican nurse came around the corner.

“Mista Smith! There ya are! Ya shouldn’t be runnin’ of like that, ya bein’ blind an’ all. Nearly gave me a heart attack. Ya come back to yar room, now, an’ we’ll set ya up rea’ nice.”

“Does that answer your question?” the man asked none too bitterly.

“I’m sorry, I…how’d it happen?” Rusty asked blushing. Knowing that he couldn’t see her made her blush even more.

The nurse had gotten to the man and put her hand on his muscled forearm. He tensed up. “It is just me, Mista Smith. I knows that ya don’t like bein’ touched, but let me steer ya to yar room.”

“There’s nothing to do in my room.” He replied bluntly.

“Nonsense! There is plenty to do in yar room.” The nurse shook her dreadlocks.

“Hmpt. Like what?” the man asked.

“Ya could watch TV, for one.”

“Oh, riiight. That’s a great idea. Maybe you’ve forgotten but I’m BLIND!” the man responded getting angry. “By the way,” he said to Rusty, “I got shot in the head. That’s how I got blind. It’s a hoot.”

Sympathetically, Rusty said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Don’t be sorry. Find the b**** that did this to me. That’s all I ask.” He said with vehemence.

“Come Mista Smith, let us go.” The nurse started leading him back to his room.

“Wait!” cried Rusty. The nurse and the man both turned around. “What’s your name?” she asked the stranger.

“Well, I’m Maline.” Said the nurse pronouncing it as May-Lean.

“I, uh, meant him, actually. But nice to meet you, anyway.” Blurted out Rusty.

Shock showed on his face. Why would this foreign woman want to know his name? What does she care? He’ll probably never see this woman again. Well okay, maybe ‘see’ wasn’t quite the right word. ‘Hear from’ is more like it. Stupid blindness…

“Johnny.” He finally uttered.

“I’m Rusty.”

“Now that we all know each other, I tink tat it is time to go back to yar room, Mista Smith.” Maline led Johnny away from Rusty.

“Great idea, watching TV,” rebuked Johnny to Maline. “I’m glad to call you my nurse.”

With an exasperated sigh, she wailed, “One mistake. I make one mistake an’ yar on me like ugly on an ape.”

“What?!” asked Johnny laughing hard. “Where’d you get that from? Gunsmoke?”

“As a matter o’ fact, yes. Tat is how I learnt how to speak English so well. My Great-Granny used to watch it all the time when I first came to live wid her. She taut me all tat I know.”

“Stimulating.” Retaliated Johnny.

Rusty watched them leave, watched until they rounded the corner. She waited until she could no longer hear them talking, then she, too, turned and left.

When she got back to her brothers’ room, she noticed that he still hadn’t moved. The doctor had said that Logan had woken up, but why was he still sleeping? She sat down and all she could think about was Johnny. Johnny’s cold, blind blue eyes. Weird, thought Rusty, I just met the man and now he’s stuck in my head. He wasn’t a bad looking man. In fact he was considerably beauteous. He had short dark brown hair that had a natural red tint to it that suggested Irish or Scottish. It had to be at least three inches long. He was about 5’6”, pretty short for a man. He hadn’t shaved in a while, so he had thick stubble on his strong jaw. He also had low cheekbones and a straight nose. When he had laughed, she noticed that his pearly-whites were straight. He had a slight tan on his well-muscled body. Just thinking about it made her blush.

Rusty felt guilty then. Her brother was in a coma again and all that she could think about was a blind stranger she may never see again. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Johnny. What was wrong with her?

<(o.O<) <(O.O)> (>O.o)>

Johnny was bored. It had been three days since he had talked to anyone besides Maline, and he had nothing to do. He kinda wished that the Rusty lady would stop by and say hi or something. But she hadn’t. So when Maline left after making sure that Johnny was all right, he decided to go exploring.

So out the door he went, except it proved to be a boring mistake. He had found the bathroom. Fumbling around, he found the door that led to the hall.
He no longer needed his IV rack due to the fact that he was awake and eating solid food, even if he was slovenly.

Right now he wished he had it, though. He wished he had it to lean on and help him get around. So instead, he stuck out his hand and trailed his fingers on the wall. He went around a corner and came to a halt. Before him was a wall, as well as on his left and his right. Dead end, he thought. He turned to go back the way he came, only to find the way blocked. He touched the wall and turned left only to turn left, and left, and left, and left, and…well, you get the picture. After measuring each wall with step sizes, he quickly deduced that he was in a seven- foot room, give or take. How he got into this room was a question that boggled his mind, he was just walking, and now he’s trapped, Like a rat, he thought to himself. Someone was bound to find him; he was in a hospital. Besides, Maline would be looking for him soon, so he leaned against a wall to wait.

Suddenly a soft ding sounded and the wall moved away from him.

<(o.O<) <(O.O)> (>O.o)>

Rusty pounded the elevator key pointing down. She felt smelly and needed a shower. After sitting by her comatose brother for hours she decided to take the elevator up to see her friend. She visited for a few minutes but decided to go home after she checked on Logan. After a few moments’ wait, the elevator made a soft dinging sound and the doors opened wide as a man fell out.

Without a moments hesitation, she caught the man and was surprised (yet somehow not really shocked) to find Johnny clutched in her arms.

“Hi.” She said laughing.

He pushed himself off of her and gave her a confused look. He didn’t remember her voice.

“It’s me, Rusty. Remember?”

“Oh… yeah, right.” He answered looking relieved.

“What are you doing here on the third floor? Are you lost again?” she laughed, remembering the first time they had met.

With a sigh he said, “Well, I got bored, and you would too if you were me, so I wandered around and somehow got trapped in a perpetual box of doom, which isn’t so bad now that you’re here.”

“The elevator?” she asked bewildered.

“Hey,” he snapped defensively, “if you were blind and didn’t know you wandered into a damn elevator and the doors closed behind you, you would think the same thing. Now kindly point me to the damned thing and punch in the number for me so I can get back to being bored on my own floor.”

Shocked at how fast he snapped, she hurriedly apologized.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, but I guess I’d think that, too, if I were blind.”

“Yeah, Yeah…” he muttered.

“Well, listen, I don’t really remember what floor you were on, so I can’t take you back, and if you really are bored then I’ll take you to visit my brother on the second floor. He got hit by an eighteen-wheeler and is in a coma. Just don’t tell your nurse that I took you, okay?”

“Agreed!” he said excitedly. He finally got out of his room and away from his annoying nurse, Maline.

Rusty wasn’t too sure about the plan. The nurse would be worried sick about her patient, but she was glad that she got to spend some more time with Johnny. She was also weirded out by that fact. Hadn’t she just met the man three days ago?

Very Nice!

One thing I would ike to see, however, is seperation of the paragraphs. It makes it so much easier to read that way.

Still...it is a very good story.

changed for ur benefit

I like it, there any chance I get to hear the rest?

Great story ! I want to read more...

Is this a novel excerpt, a short story? Are you a writer?

I am a writer as well.

wait wait wait........... wheres the rest......i feel like i read half of a really good book and now i had to stop....its a really good story.

A very deep and beautiful story. The ending leaves sooo much to the imagination. Your imagery is excellent. I felt like I was there.

She led him back into the elevator and pressed 2 and they began to descend. The elevator “bing”-ed and the silver doors opened.

"Oops." Rusty muttered.

"What?" asked Johnny.

Outside the elevator stood Maline. Thankfully she wasn't paying any attention, so Rusty tried to hide the five-foot-six man behind her small five-foot-two body. Unfortunately he was much wider than her also. It was kinda like trying to hide an elephant behind a tree. Rusty hoped Maline wouldn't notice Johnny.

No such luck. The nurse spotted him immediately.

"Mista Smith?" she asked while pushing Rusty aside.

Surprise showed on his face, then quickly replaced by disappointment.

"What are ya doing outta yar room?" she asked irritably.

"Bathroom?" he responded making his statement into a question.

"Ya got one in yar room. Try again."

"Water." He replied sounding surer of himself.

"I just gave ya some. Want ta try again?" she asked crossing her arms.

When he opened his mouth to speak, she cut him off with, "No. It won't work, Mista smith. I wasn't born yestaday."

"If you were born yesterday you wouldn't be my nurse." He mumbled.

With a sigh, she pulled Johnny out of the elevator and led him away.

Rusty decided to follow them.

The nurse led them to room 89B and got Johnny back into his hospital bed (with a lot of incoherency on Johnny's part). She got him settled in and turned on the television for him to listen to. She put the remote in his hand and moved the food tray closer to him in case he got hungry.

"Did I piss you off, or something?" asked Johnny. Maline didn't seem too happy. In fact she was downright mad. He could tell by the way she jerked around as she helped him around that she was tense and her words were short and choppy.

"Eat yar food. I'll be back to check on ya in a few jus' in case ya decide ta leave again." And she turned around and left.

Rusty had watched the nurse and thought about what Johnny had said. Maybe she had gotten into trouble because Johnny left his room, again.