I knew two families that practiced counter opposite modes of discipline. One paddled (with a real wooden paddle) and the other one reasoned with their kids. Both families children were hell on feet.

Discipline is affective in direct proportion to the level of intelligence and respect one's child has for the parent or disciplinarian. There is no one tried and true rule of imparting moral character, or applying discipline. It's trial and error and first depends on the mentality of the child one seeks to train.

Obviously. Well, you're the one who asked. I wanted to show you how invalid that argument was.



Well that was my point. Not everyone has that luxury. Both parents working isn't always a luxury but a necessity. Most people do not have their priorities straight before they start having children that they can stay home with full time.



And these type of people break the law anyway and they probably don't have skills to reason with anybody let alone a child so spanking being socially acceptable is moot in the situation of a drug/alcohol abusive parent.



Well that's your right but that's not how I'm perceiving it.

Jalorm,

I was not a at all a troublesome kid, but when I hit 14 my father had a very similar conversation with me. We went deer hunting; I know this was just an excuse because he had given up hunting 8 years before and we never went again. He told me about how he was raised and how he was treated at home--which was horrible, by the way-- and he told me about how at the age of 12 he decided that was not what he wanted for his kids and would work hard to be a different type of parent. That decision, (made by a 12 year old!) actually even guided the type of woman he looked for when he began to look for a wife (something I am thankful for, because I love both my mom and dad very much). My dad told me about the purpose for the rules he and my mom had set up, about how as I got older, beginning that day, I would have more say so in decisions that impacted me, but also that there would be rules that would remain inviolable as long as I chose to live in his house. From that day forward, he also spent a great deal of time preparing me to be a father, walking me through his reasoning process for the things he did and for the expectations and rules he set for us. He also warned me that if I ever showed any disrespect for his wife (my mom), came into his house drunk or drugged or if I ever got into a fist fight with my younger bothers or with him or my mom, he would call the cops on me---I KNEW he would do this, so the thought of ever doing this never even entered my mind. My son just turned 14 two months ago and he and I have already had the first 3 of what will be a long series of conversations to prepared him to be first a good adult, and also a great father. The decision of that 12 year old may insure that generations of his descendants are raised in loving, nurturing environments.

A 1 yr. old understanding is not the same as a 1 yr. old understanding and comprehending. If I tell my 1 yr. old that has just started walking not long before that it's wrong to touch a elec. outlet and I tell her why. She may understand that she's not supposed to but at that tender age then they don't comprehend everything. She don't know right from wrong.



I would not. I may pat my little ones hand gently. Repeat I said pat and not smack. A one yr. old should not be subjected to smackings. They are helpless and whether or not they understand-at this age they do not truly concept the whole situation as adults do.
And I agree. I know I've told my daughter's father a few times this, that if he gets all over our daughters case about touching a pair of scissors or anything that she aint supposed to that he can prevent her from being subjected to him being upset with her if he would set a good example by putting things up when he is done with them so I don't have to remind him like a child. Hehe He usually sits there with his face beet red and gives an apology.
See even grown ups make some mistakes. In fact I'd almost bet that grown ups make more mistakes than children. And the reason for my conclusion is because children don't comprehend on the same level as adults but when adults have been taught better and forget when they lay a pair of scissors around, or forget to make sure the medicine cabinet isn't installed about a area the child can climb up and reach, or when we as adults don't protect our lil' ones from elec. shock cuz of forgetting to put plug ins in-then we are at more fault than they are.



Well it was my daughters first day and no other parent was there so I know that none had yet seen him bully her. Only ones that did was me and teacher. One teacher was outside watching kids while all the other ones at the center was walking up the road for a ciggie break. But don't they teach that parents shouldn't smoke cuz children can inhale the nocotine off your clothes-so why are the teachers allowed to do this??
And yes kids in general are out of control which would give reason why my daughters two friends used to bully her because they were in daycare since babies and my daughter had been at home to learn from me as her mother the basics of manners and kindness because I didn't want her exposed to the brattyness that daycares are full of.
I'm not trying to tell you anything that you don't already know.. But as I said-parents make mistakes too!! I think no matter whether you are a child or an adult-everyone makes mistakes and we with a little patience then we can all have a little room to learn and grow no matter our age!!

A wack on their bottom is ok beating them until you draw blood or bruse them- knock out teeth- pull out hair all that crazy abuse NO NO. I dont go for a hit first I do 2 warnings after that you get a smack on your butt and are told to have a seat but I some times just give you that look and you know oops sorry mommy thats my 3 yr. old Now take my soon to be 15 yr old I dont give him a smack on the butt I beat him with the broom. No I dont really. But he did mouth off at me ONCE and I smacked him in the face I felt REALLY BAD. Later he told me he was sorry and I cried for hitting him that hurt me to hit him. I dont know how people abuse children and think nothing of it. I do know some kids that do need a good wack the way they talk to their parents and their parents just let them get away with it.

Oh crap....knocking them out is considered abuses these days? Oooops.

Yeah, but it's only a chargeable offense if they can tell on you, after!

It sounds like we were both rewarded by our parents learning from their parents mistakes. I also remember that one of the unbreakable rules that my father had was to never disrespect my mother. He could deal with a little disrespect towards himself, but he made it very clear that our mother was to be treated like a lady. I wish more children could be raised by parents like ours. When I was still religious, I spent two years on a mission in New York. We spent a lot of time visiting families, and it made me realize just how bad a family can be for some people. I would have to say that we are in the minority of people that have excellent examples of how parenting should be done. Of course, I don't plan on having children, but I can still be grateful for my own upbringing.

I was also going to add that not all children WILL need to be smacked, some kids are quieter in nture and less challenging.

On another note: One doesn't go around knocking one's childrens' lights out for minor infractions either, the way some people make it sound. Abuse is abuse, smacking quite different!