A blonde walks into a beauty salon to get a hair cut with headphones on. The hairdresser asks her to take them off for the haircut and she replies "I can't, I'll die." She proceeds to cut her hair and it looks awful.

Six weeks later the same blonde comes in for another haircut. The hairdresser pleads with her "Please take your headphones off - I can make your hair look beautiful. Once again the blonde replies "I can't, I'll die". So she receives another awful haircut.

Six weeks later the blonde show up at the salon and once again the hairdresser says "Please take your headphones off - I can make your hair beautiful if you would just take off the headphones". "I can't, I'll die".

The hairstylist proceeds to cut her hair. While doing so the blonde falls asleep. The hairstylist quickly thinks to herself - I will remove the headphones and replace them before she wakes up, I'll make her hair beautiful. Seconds after doing this the blonde falls off the chair. The hairdresser checked her and she wasn't breathing.

Dying to know what was keeping her alive with the headphones on, she places them on her head. She hears............

"Breathe in, breathe out - breathe in, breathe out."

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A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

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The Blond & The Blizzard
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprise when the snow plow stopped. The driver got out, came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to KMart next.

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A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?" The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 lb., and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 lb., and she's an ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lb., and she's a current professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

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A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so hedecided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first"

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A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. She eases it over to the shoulder of the road and carefully steps out of the car.

When she opens the trunk, two men in trench coats jump out and position themselves at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

They begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The enraged cop runs toward the blonde, yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what're these perverts doing here exposing themselves by the road?" asks the cop.

And she said...

"Those are my emergency flashers."

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Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

I'm a sucker for a good blonde joke; well done you!

hehe...nothing quite like a good blonde joke...

Been forever since I've been here.....I don't recognize anyone....
Anyway,

What does a blonde have in common with the US military?
Both are open to any males ages 18-35.

How did the blonde try to kill a bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why do blondes have little holes over their faces?
From eating with forks.

What did the blonde name her zebra?
Spot.

Why did the blonde have burnt lips?
From trying to blow out a lightbulb.

Did you hear about the blonde driving to Disneyland?
They saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they went home.

How did the blonde die when drinking milk?
The cow sat down.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Three, one to mix the batter, and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get eight cups of water into that tiny little packet.

How do blondes look through a window?
They go over it.

How do blondes kill a fish?
They try to drown it.

How do blondes react when they hear "Quarterback" from a barman?
They give him a quarter.

My jokes are dumb, but this is all I can think of, nice job uranium . I like yours better.

Booooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUNNY!

what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN!! shes got a grenade in her mouth

how do you get a blonde to marry you?
tell her shes pregnant

what did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
is it mine?

what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
pregnant

what do you call a blonde with half a brain?
gifted

how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
wave at them

how do you kill a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

ok thats all i can remember from the 101 blonde jokes poster i had

i could take serious offence to that, but i won't cos as of this weekend my hair is no longer blonde it's............................................... GREEN

why did the blonde have bruises around her belly butten?

her boyfriend was blonde too!

I love the Disneyland one!!! That's a classic!

Just heard this at school!

Why do blondes have triangle shaped coffins?
Coz as soon as their head hits a pillow their legs open!

LoL these jokes are funny, but my special someone has blondish hair and she is by far the smartest and most brilliant perosn i have ever met!!!

ow man..I'm blonde

GOOD STUFF GOOD STUFF