I confess I am one of the worst Christmas hum buggers, I hate to shop any time of the year, yet thanks to crash consumerism I am forced to go to the mall (it should be spelled Maul) because “it’s the season”.
I need to unload some of the negativity so as I will enjoy the time of work and the time with family and friends this Christmas.
So join me for awhile and get all that vile out of your system, what do you despise most about the season? Whatever you celebrate it to be.
My number 1. is shopping. The masochistic practice of attempting to find a parking spot at the local maul while being subjugated to elbows in your face and shopping carts nipping at your heals. To purchase an item you could have bought last month at half the cost and hassle. While you are being assaulted and tussled into counters, walls and doors while your bank account is being siphoned from your back pocket you can enjoy the electronically piped Christmas carols emanating from every crevice of the store. It’s kinder like enjoying a well chilled martini as you are being fed to the lions.

Someone else will start a happy thread down the road and we will all pour ourselves a stiff eggnog and forget this thread, but in the meantime let lose with your Hum Bug’s

Cheers Irish

I was in you're fair city on the weekend and couldn't wait to get home to my rural fortress again

Staff at the foodcourt were crouchy because they were working 7 days a week, shoppers wandered around in a daze forgetting all the manners they learned as a child, as we were leaving the mall an argument broke out in a travel agency over some mixup in travel arrangements, then fought our way up the Deerfoot narrowly avoiding getting cut off by lunatic drivers !!


Ah yes I do love the Christmas Season, pour me one too Irish

Insane inlaws and midnight mass.
Sitting there pondering if the pagans who sacrificed relatives at that time in the winter did not actually have it right.

I hear ya Shaftsbury, its downright dangerous out there.

My number 2. Christmas Cake. That vile concoction of embalmed pieces of fruit and stale nuts glued together with God only knows what it really is but tastes like sweet cement. I swear there are only about 100 of them in existence that have been re-gifted since the ancients Mayans poisoned their entire culture, probably given them by the Spanish inquisition. It adorns the table right next to the turkey for a period of time and then is neatly wrapped up like a piece of nuclear waste and given to Aunt Edna for next Christmas.

Cheers Irish

I dont like the shopping to many rude people out there with their bad kids I would like to put some of those brats in gift box and shoot it to the moon along with their parents.

Number 2?
That would have to be the homemade mystery cheeseball for me, especially the ones dyed green or red with food coloring.

its an great oppurtunity for us to spoof the whole idea and we do black X-mas tree and all....the whole idea is just silly IMO....

Number three. Santa, that plum pudding filled fat guy that hangs out at the mall making promises to my kids that I can not afford. Then supposedly works one day out of the year and claims all the credit, the credit goes to the credit card in my wallet buddy!
He has an army of underpaid non union dwarfs at his beck and call and abuses wild life by making them fly; the only one that is really flying is that little drunk Rudolf.

Cheers Irish

I guess what bothers me about Christmas time is people who piss and moan about what a bad time of year it is. I always liked Christmas, and had many wonderful times as a kid thanks to wonderful parents.
The worst to me really is spending Christmas alone. You feel so sad and lonely especially for the old days, and when you don't get a gift it hurts.
But I still put up christmas lights, and I keep a wreath up all year to remind me that christmas is about giving, and seeing the excitment in a child's eyes when they realize that Santa is going to come to visit and leave gifts! And it's about family (if you have one) to be together and talk, and tell each other you love them. I would give anything I had to have one more Christmas with my family......so please enjoy the holidays to the fullest and don't take it for granted.
I wish you all a very Happy Holiday,
Love,
Sean

3 - Another cheap version of A Christmas Carol or Its a Wonderful Life replacing regular television programming.

Wudewassa, Oh I love christmas dont get me wrong I love being with my family and cooking we do give thanks for the birth of Christ and just looking at my little girls face christmas morning is priceless and yea we go with the whole santa and ruddie story its fun. I have great childhood memories and I do MISS my family members that are not with us anymore. But what I dont like is what I already posted. Merry Christmas to you.

ASOP and Waddewassa are you guys getting into the egg nogg pre-maturely, your both being way to nice for this thread HUM BUGG!!!!!

Number four. The Christmas tree: Thank you very much you pagans for bringing this joy into our living room. As soon as I am done picking these pine needles out of my forehead and toes I will be wrapping your gifts. We kill off a few forests to make the kids go ew eh! Aint that pretty.
After trudging out into minus 30 degree weather we are forced to select the biggest tree on the lot and give it a good shake, to remove the GreenPeace fella from the branches. And then tie it to the front of the car like we just bagged ourselves a deer (that’s got me thinking) oh that’s something to brag to the neighbors about, Got that one before it snuck back into the forest he he!
The only one that thinks it’s a bonus is the family dog who say “hey bout time they got me some indoor plumbing”
I’m starting to feel better already, thanks for letting me rant.

Cheers Irish

Well at least you don't have to eat it, my mom used to make a huge batch of Christmas pudding every year and can a dozen or so jars. You think eating it for Christmas dinner is tough try having some a few months later

Oh and BTW Santa isn't always a fat jolly elf I saw him at the mall, apparently he's anorexic this year.

5...The Salvation Army Santas that want a handout in front of every single store you go to.

6...When something is in a sale paper so you try and get there first but miraculously they are sold out already.

hey now, I happen to like fruitcake.

*looks to the right* *looks to the left* *whispers* I'm going to tropical Mexico for the holidays!

Truthfully, I haven't been feeling the whole.. in the season thing anyways. Not that I care. X)

I did manage to get a bottle of yummy rum lastnight while getting two vodkas to infuse as a holiday gift for a friend. Mmmmm rum.

cutting down trees , so many of them, what a blatant disregard for nature.

santa..so many people teach their children not to lie but in return lie to their children bout some made up fat guy thats surpose to fit down a chimney so small that a small person cant fit..and how it gets in ppl's homes that dont even have a chinmey ...etc...why tell your children some other guy bought them thier gifts??????the idea of Sasnta and how wrapped up ppl get in this "lie" thats what 1 thing i dont like bout christmas...we all know christ wasnt born this time of the year..but its the time we set aside to acknowlede his birth..but yet in alot of places a nativity scene isnt allowed cause it might "offend" someone..gee whiz..that bothers me....that goofy red suited guy is allowed everywhere u turn..okay...thats what i dont like ..bout christmas..

As if the religions don't have enough, , I agree I notice that too, or the 'differnt' churches competing in front the same store, for the same quarter.....If I want to give my kids or self something I don't need a holiday to justify it...

No eggnog yet but I could use some right about now. Yea yea I know I was getting mushy but when I read Wudewassa's post I could not help it. Now lets get back to being grumpy I just remembered we have another tree to decorate that would be TREE #7 yes #7 in our new home my sister thinks its a nice idea to have a tree in every freakin room (she's a Martha Stewart kind of person) only one tree is real the cats love that one oh yea lets not forget the 12 nutcrackers she just bought yup just what we needed. Oh yes then there's the christmas party this Saturday WE ARE UP TO 94 PEOPLE! Aynone have any aspirin?!

*hands ASOP some aspirin*

I have 7 Christmas trees too but only one small on is going up. We've got reservations out of town this year.

Send me your address you masochist

Number five: The Turkey; Poor buggers think they survived thanksgiving and down comes the axe again. Plucked and stuffed with week old bread and raisins that have been drying since world war two. I must admit it is tasty the first day, but then you’re stuck with turkey sandwiches and soup till spring, how come one bird lasts that long?
We stuff ourselves worst than the turkey whose final revenge is to give us sleeping sickness for the rest of the afternoon. It’s hard to run after a meal like that and my son now beats me to the couch, I am now left standing in the kitchen and at the full mercy of the wife and a sink full of dirty dishes.

Cheers Irish

Thank goodness I'm not alone! Thanks Michelle I though my sister was going off the deep end.

I hope the trees are fake.....oy vey....

I don't believe I would cut down six trees and not use them.

ASOP already said that only one tree is real.

Bah!! Humbug!!



Things I absolutely detest about this season:

Idiot drivers on the road.Hardly any of them pay attention to what they're doing,and many of them have no sense of timing (which leads to them getting into accidents).Plus,there's so many of them out there that the roads get clogged...especially near the malls (I agree with Irish...it should be "Maul").

Shoppers.Sorry,but these people are extremely gullible.They buy into the rampant consumerism,not realizing that they're paying more for most of the items that they could've gotten for much less back in the summer months,and a lot more for the things (usually stupid crap that no one really needs) that don't get released until the holiday season.Christmas...the leading cause for people going into debt. *shakes head and sighs*

Christmas songs.Everywhere I go,I have to listen to all of the Christmas songs.I don't mind hearing one here or there (original versions,mind you...),but to have to hear them everywhere at all times (especially all the crappy modern remakes by artists that have very little talent) really gets on my nerves!!! Of course,thanks to some co-workers whistling Christmas songs all damned year long,I *really* dislike Christmas music this year.

I'll continue my rant later.I have to get ready for work now.

Number Six: Christmas Lights: Just who is the smart ass that though up this brilliant idea? Climb up on our snow covered roofs and decorate it like an airfield landing strip. If Santa can’t find my house he can follow my Visa bill! As if the utility bill is not high enough this time of year the neighborhood is lit up like the Los Vegas strip and the only gamble is how high the electricity bill will be.
I tried to get away from it last year by just hanging some panties on the tree outside. My neighbor complained ‘what the heck does that have to do with Christmas” And I explained that they were Carol’s.

Irish

Here is something to smile about.....I got this (as Email) from a fellow UM member

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through
the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass
through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the
man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those
symbolize?"


The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Holiday Season Begins....

Twas the meaning of 'Carols"..

Just curious why would you cut down six trees ?????

Oh don’t get me started on Christmas music! At the office Christmas party last year the boss wanted to sing “Oh come all yee faithful” and only two employees stepped forward.

No no just one real tree and I can re-plant it in my yard. Oh the stinkin re-make's of christmas songs I really HATE them. And these people who stand in line for hours for a store to open or even camp out in the parking lot over night what the heck???

Number seven; Boxing Day: One last chance for the corporate giants to squeeze the last few pennies from your wallets. While you are left to survive on cold turkey sandwiches and eggnog induced hangovers. The last thing you want to hear come from the wife’s mouth is “I know lets go shopping” No please spare me! I don’t care if they are giving it away.
And the only things that are a bargain on boxing day is left over Christmas cakes and more friggin lights to hang on your roof.

Irish

ok ok I have the perfect song for you all.




XD

Irish, I just got a e-mail from santa he said you missed a spot on your roof last year so your gonna need more lights.

Christmas songs played over and over in the stores. Somebody make them stop. You know the songs have subliminal messages in them. Spend money… buy, buy… use your credit card.....

I think the first year I started hating christmas was 5 years ago... I was working in a shopping centre. Christmas rolled around and they startede playing darned carols in october!!!! I tell you now I was just about to take myself out, when.... they brought in 24hr shopping!!! Just for one night and they never did it again. I worked from 6pm to 9am the next day!!
I hate christmas shoppping so I do it through the year. (I know I'm sickening, lol)
Just doing the weekly grocery shopping is bad enough when you have a three year old
"muuuum, can I see Santa!!?? Muuuum is Santa here? Muuum when's is Santa coming?"

ARRRGGGGHHHH

psss...they grow them for that purpose....

thanks for caring Joc..Now back to the bah humbug before irishs gets bah humbug with us...lol, how about them elves.......

..elves are cute little buggers... ...I mean...damn those elves...always being so happy and everything...they should be strung up!

ha ha hahahahah lol

Who the heck makes their clothing anyway, those tiny little fashion disasters, they all need coveralls to clean up after those reindeers.

Very funny thread irish one for the annuals of UM Xmas history...I'm gonna copy it take it into work for a laugh your parts that is ...

...and what about those reindeer? How is it that every kid leaves Santa cookies...and he gets fat...but every kid leaves reindeer food also...ever seen a fat reindeer?

Thats because the fat guy is on a health kick now, veggies and dip and skinny drunken raindeers.

Bah, everyone knows tthat Santa's "elves" are really gnomes. However, their PR guy convinced the world that they were elves for estetic reasons. After all, what's more appealing? Toys made by "cute" and "little" elves... or gnarled little gnomes. Think about it, gnomes have the technical know how on making gadgits and other toys.

Elves are really tall pretty things that couldn't be bothered with makeing toys for some bloke who goes all over putting toys in kid's stockings once a year. That and elves are way way to sexy to be seen with this Santa Clause person. XD

(*is a total elf lover* Mmm wood elves from EQ)

I also hate christmas decorations espescially when they fall on the floor and then you step on them andif they are that crappy plastic they break and they hurt like the devil

10 Things I hate about Christmas

1. Christmas Dinner - Who the heck invented the traditional Christmas roast? I'm sure in the Northern Hemisphere where the mercury falls below zero it's all fine and dandy, but when you're in the middle of a heatwave down here and on the table pops roast potatoes, roast pumpkin, dead cow dead lamb dead pig, with gravy or apple or mint sauce, and you're sitting there, sweat puddling at your ankles. You sit there, laughing and chatting, all the while cursing the oven for pushing even more heat into the dining room.

2. Christmas Carols - yeah, I don't mind carols. I love carols actually. But every damn shopping centre from here to Timbuktoo has these buggers playing constantly. But it's not just that they keep playing, but they seem to only have a 30 minute repertoire of "classics", which are on a continuous loop. By the time you've finished in one shop, your hearing the repeat loop again. And if (like me) you have to work in one of these shops, you hear the same "classics" repeated over and over and over and over. In an 8 hour shift, you've listened to these songs 15 or 16 times. And of course they don't change the tape, so you hear this every rutting day for 4 weeks before Christmas.

3. Christmas shoppers - why do so many people shop at Christmas. Wait, wrong question. They shop at Chrsitmas because it's the thing to do. But even though there are three or four times as many people in the shops, you ask any one of them, and they'll tell you they're just doing a normal shop. That's what they tell me when I serve them at work. Are they ashamed to be buying into the consumerist market? Are they ashamed that the marketing that they so despise works so effectively on them? Admit that you're a Christmas-driven maniac, buy a puppy (if your credit isn't maxxed out) and get over it.

4. Santa Claus - Who in their right mind tells children that a fat man's going to sneak into the house late at night and leave them presents. Last time someone snuck into my house, the TV and VCR went missing. Why lie to children about the imaginary red-suited guy (why would Santa wear a red fur-lined suit in the middle of a heatwave anyway? Pity those poor department store santa's). It seems awful contradictory to teach children to be honest, only to lie through your teeth at them.

5. The Christmas deal - what is it with Christmas, anyway? Seriously, could someone explain the meaning of Christmas? Is it a pagan festival or a Christian festival or a secular-consumerist festival? I never grew up with Christmas, so its importance is kinda lost on me. I keep getting told different things, and what I observe says something different yet again.

*to be continued*

10 things I hate about Christmas (cont.)

6. Christmas parties - The work Christmas party - ghastly. Why would you go to the office after hours and meet up with the folks you work with. Most of these guys you don't like anyway, and the rest you'd probably invite to your own barbecue over Christmas to watch the cricket. The only good thing going for work Christmas parties is that you can abuse the hell out of your boss and then blame it on the booze the next morning.

7. Mistletoe - I’m told if you’re standing under mistletoe you have to kiss the person you’re with. Who invented this frelling rule? It’s a recipe for disaster and shame. I was standing with this beautiful girl once. I pointed this custom out and she said we live in Australia and shouldn’t keep such a stupid custom here. Then twenty minutes later, I saw her under the same mistletoe pashing some guy Obviously, she was lying to me, and I don’t care that it was my brother and his fiancée pashing, that had NOTHING to do with it, at all.

8. Christmas specials - Big Brother: Christmas Special. Neighbours: Christmas Edition. Sesame Street: Christmas Spectacular. Why does every rutting show feel the need to cash in on the Christmas festivities. At this time of year, when Christmas is all around, you’d think the show's that DON'T show Christmas would get better ratings. That's why I watch my favourite Christmas films in the middle of July, so they don't get spoiled by all the crap at this time of year.

9. Christmas presents - Why do we give presents? It’s supposed to be Jesus’ birthday, right? Shouldn’t we give presents to Jesus then! How would you feel if you turned up to your birthday and people didn’t get you anything

10. White Christmas - Never had a white Christmas. Usually a brown Christmas if there hasn’t been any rain and all the flora is dead. So why am I dreaming of a white Christmas like the ones I used to know? This has to be the most nonsensical crap I have ever heard.

It's the basterdiation of Yule, the pagan winter solctice festival. The church took all that was Yule and mooshed it the birth of Jesus so that they can once more obtain converts. "Look, it's ok! You can still celebrate the way you've always done so! Just, instead of celebrating the return of the Slain God, you celebrate the birth of our saviour!"

er.. it has the information.. just uhm ignore the crucified santa.. unless you like that kinda image... and er the link at the bottom. XD There was this, or Wiki...

Good Ol' St. Nick? Well he was a real person... and he was a christian add on. some info He was actually a bishop in asia minor, not some fat guy in a suit. Horray modern marketing. XD