I am far from young and have had a great deal of grief through my own life to go through, so I have tried some things and these do work.

Do not keep momentos of the past prominent. Keep them in a room you seldom enter or in your bedroom where you can reflect for a moment and then go on.

Get new decorations to help set new and happier memories in your mind. Skip traditional dishes and go for something new as well.

Do not talk about the past. If someone you know seems set on doing this, ask them not to or keep them occupied with a game to play or ask them to help cook something. Worry about your own feeling in this because you only have yourself to keep you healthy. If someone insists on turning a holiday into an annual rite of misery every year, avoid them for that holiday.

Avoid sentimenal songs. Stick to silly and fun songs and music. Dance if you can and get others to join you.

If you know you are going to be alone for a holiday, make plans that take you somewhere where you will not notice the day passing, or join in with a group of single individuals for an activity that day. Joining in with another family group or group of close friends for that day may be as hard to take as just being alone.

Plan a special treat for yourself for that day and do not let yourself down. There is nothing selfish about trying to make yourself happier when you feel miserable, anymore than it is selfish to spend money on medicine when you feel ill.

God Bless Any of You Drawn to Read This.
May You have a Merry Holiday and Happy New Memory.

Yeah- this is what I did when I got divorced.

But when Robert died we still talked about him

You try not to associate difficult moments and bad memories with holidays....especially Christmas.....but sometimes.........it's hard.

Thats good advice .. but it is hard, especially when you lose someone around the holidays. But, ya just gotta move on and cherish the memories you had with that loved one and celebrate with those you still have.

Got no family of my own over here and getting back home for Christmas isn't always possible so I go and spend the day at a good friends and enjoy the day with him and his family. They're a bit mad but that just makes the day that bit more of an event.

I'm not the sort of person that dwells on the past very much. It might seem a bit selfish, but when I cut ties I tend to move on and live for the present, making new friends etc. Of course I never forget old friends, and when we do have the chance to meet up we talk old times - but it's always with a laugh rather than a frown (that might be something to do with the fact we're usually meeting in a pub!)

'Don't forget your past but live for your present' is, I suppose, how I live my life. It seems to work ok.

Some really great ideas! Dwelling on the past can easily drive me into a depressed state.

But what about surviving the holiday's because of family. Seems like every year something happens and old resentments bubble to the surface. Last year, it was "who ate the last relleno", and some people left early in a huff. On occasion, I actually appreciate a quiet, boring christmas.

There is a lot to be said for a quiet evening with treats and a great book.

If you're sad, just come here and I'll punch you right in the eye.

Might work?

^^^That gave me the warm fuzzies.

Bella, I know exactly what you mean about the holidays. I've been estranged from the majority of my family for almost 7 years and the holidays are always a little tough to get through. All of your suggestions are great and I can add that volunteering to serve dinner at The Salvation Army or other soup kitchen is a great way to feel better about the holidays.

Wow I feel bad that you are alone during the holidays. I wish you could all come to my place!

Here's an idea if you get stuck. Go to the movies! Spend the whole day in the theater seeing a few movies. And treat yourself to something wonderful. You deserve it!

I too have been estranged from my family, since my Mom died...8 years.

^^^Sorry to hear that, Aztec. I know how tough it can be.

Actually, I find talking about the good times you have had with them helps a lot.

Denial might not always work, it can work for a short period though. Keep yourself occupied as long as possible with things that interest you, this way you will block out too many thoughts, it works for me.

Christmas time is usually hard for me, this year has been the worst especially. My father passed away from cancer Dec 20, 2000. I've always had mental health issues with anxiety, depression, and sleep. Since dad passed away, it's progressively gotten worse. The last few months have been bad, I can't stop thinking about my dad, and the fact that I'm not where I want to be in life career wise.

I quit my job of 2 years just over a week ago, because of this stress. I've been trying many ways to resolve any of my issues, and my own music has been the best, but my computer recording setup is running on the same computer as internet, and I've been having major comp problems because of some virus. I'd have to back up nearly 20 gigs of recorded music to get stuff running perfect again, which I don't see happening soon. So my situation gets worse.

Sunday I was supposed to go to my brother's house to celebrate Christmas. I didn't go, all day long I felt like kerap, depressed, slept 15 hours, hating myself. With all the thoughts rumbling in my head, including remembering my dad is gone, and I wish I could just speak to him now....I decided to stop celebrating Christmas. Soon I plan on letting my family know, and ask them to respect the decision, and if they feel the need to send me a gift, I'd rather they send something to charity. I felt one of the reasons I'm not happy this time of the year is.... I'm not being true to my beliefs. I don't believe in Christ, I especially know it's not his b-day, I know the pagan roots of the day, and I don't have any faith in either/all of them. It's just another day in life. I really don't understand how people can become offended if someone doesn't want to partake in tradition, the obligation detests me.

I always hate this time of year, because of the date my father died. The cold weather, the shivers I felt, accompanying tears and temperature drop. A lot of people being superficial, saying good day, and not meaning it. People celebrating something that truly doesn't have meaning to them.

I need to stop worrying about other people, focus on myself. I'm in a real bad spot, locally theres very few people I can even relate to, as I'm surrounded by jocks, rednecks, farmers, fundamentalists, racists, bigots, etc. I fell like I alienate everyone I talk to because of it, and at the same time, I wish I could teach them to live a better life.

My family wonders why I would "waste time" being in front of a computer. As stated above, I relate to almost no one locally. Internet, and computer music recording software are my best friends...next to my real best friend, that I've only gotten to hang out together a lot recently since I quit my job. I should stay more on topic though.

A holiday is hard for me when i can't relate to it, and when other people can, that have expectations of me.

^^ Well I hope things get better for you. I can certainly relate about the mental health issues. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.