TO ALL FORUM MODERATORS AND MEMBERS OF UM:

I just had a member of this forum who stated that forums like ours are here to criticize and demean others. Would you agree with that? I totally disagree with that statement, and yet, I see so many people doing that on this forum.

It's like they're thinking "I just woke up and feel horrible. I think I'll get on the forum, meanly criticize and demean people, call a few names to the posters, and that just might make me feel better about myself."

Few of the moderators I've seen have actually stood up and tried to take care of this problem, but I wish more moderators would do the same. Name calling such as "dumb, stupid, nutjob, crazy, and many other words and phrases used here" I feel should not be tolerated.

Some moderators may feel they shouldn't be moderating a group of posters as they would children, but the fact is that many posters are behaving like children although they're adults.

As I have said on numerous occasions "I know forums such as these are here to share viewpoints, although some may be disagreeing viewpoints, but I think because we're all adults here, we should be able to communicate and disagree in a mature, respectful manner.

I would like to hear from moderators and others on this topic.

~ Isis

Really now, that's just silly. Only someone with a rather negative outlook on his or her life would see a forum such as this simply as a means to belittle others in the hope of making themselves feel better. And i would certainly not like to know that person.

This forum exists to interact with people all over the world, people you would not have the chance to interact with offline. It's here so that we can discuss and converse on a multitude of topics that we all mutually are interested in. In the case of this site, that would be world mysteries. I am here because I have met many intelligent and wonderful people on this site with views that are sometimes similar to my own, and sometimes radically different. In both instances I am happy to be hearing about the similar or differing opinions.

Conflicts occur when two members converse who have differing opinions, but are not able to accept the other persons beliefs, viewpoints etc and insist on arguing their point without acknowledging the other until flames are thrown and feuds created. These very people are the same very people who would suggest that forums such as this exist simply to "criticize and demean others".

A prime example of my point exactly. You're a fine example of the point I'm trying to make.

"People who feel a need to negative criticize someone's posts or work, or resorts to name calling is not only insecure, but they also have low self-esteem."

Remember that, all you who choose to post here.

~ Isis

I can assure you that all the Mod's on this forum work very hard in making sure that name calling etc is dealt with appropriately. This is not tolerated on UM. The rules are very clear on this. However this is a very large forum, with hundreds of users and at times threads may disappear from the radar. If you see a post where people are name calling there is a report button that you can use to bring it to the Mod Teams attention.

Isis. Don't think that was what Burnside meant but well picked up all the same

I don't know if I criticise - I suppose I must do - and sometimes, even if it's unintended, some people can take an honest questioning for criticism. However if I do criticise I would hope it's constructive rather than demeaning. I'm fairly open-minded about most things and there are very few things I would have an absolute opinion of.

I suppose it is a natural thing to see polarisation though, in forums like this. If someone jumps down my throat about something I've written I just assume they are having a bad day (and that they're wrong )

Thanks so much for posting that information, Lottie, and clarifying this for us. By the way, the moderators I have seen posting in the past are always objective and respectful.

~ Isis

Definately not, that was never the goal or purpose of this forum and it never will be. We have little tolerance for anti-social behaviour. We want to encourage friendly, open discussion; not criticism and rudeness.


People who do that exist everywhere in life, in particular on the internet. We do our best to remove individuals from the forum who are rude, offensive and insulting to other members. If you see someone acting like this then as Lottie outlined above you can help us out by hitting the 'report' button, all reports we receive are followed up by a member of staff and will not be ignored.

I think one of the big causes is what seems like a war between "skeptics" and 'believers".

Totally agree.

I read the thread you were referring to Isis, and I have to say that you really took the other user's comment out of context. And I believe that you making this thread was an example of just the childish, resentful behavior you talk about in your post. You reported the user on the other thread, it's really alright to let the mods take care of it at that point.

While I don't post all that often, I've been around for years watching. Petty bickering has always been and will probably always be a part of any forum where people have differing opinions on issues that they feel are important to them. I've taken part in the mudslinging myself, as well. There is no way to avoid 'offending' at least one person in a community this large with pretty much anything you could type. This thread will probably become a prime example of that.

...and just to add there are children on this forum as well, so you have to watch out for that sometimes. Some of us aren't even moderators but we try to keep this site clean. Whenever I come upon vulgar language or information that just shouldn't be here* I report it to the mods. As long as we help the mods out everything will be fine.

* (such as how to make napalm...my heart sank when I seen that posted here, got deleted shortly there after though since I let the mods know).

Well, I like it here.

I'm a skeptic

and...

a believer

and...

I like it here too

and...

I need a haircut!

Because the forum covers so many different topics and ideas there will always be conflicts of opinions, which is great, providing the participating parties remain civil.............otherwise ive found the Mods very quick to react to abusive behaviour.

you will find people like that everywhere isis, but there are still a good majority of us that don't wish to offend people. at least i don't, i just want to have fun, and maybe learn something

Anybody who dosen't have the sense the good lord gave a rock would have to resort to name-calling and flamming beacuse they're not intelligent enough to get their point across without attacking someone or something......all of those types of people are poo-poo heads.

Exactly, it goes both ways.

I can't speak for any of the other mods, but I would like to add that it it a very fine line to try and manage the two diffierent camps and make sure that things do not get out of hand. I have been accused of being both a skeptic and a believer that is trying to force my opinion on others by warning one sire or the other to remain civil with each other. Regardless of the side of the argument that I may warn, it is pretty much guaranteed to upset that side and make them think that I am against them. It is frustrating.

I will agree that we have extremists on both sides of different subjects and they make for a lot of work. I don't know if you are aware of the 80/20 rule, but the gist of it does apply here; there is a painfully vocal minority that really does make things far more antisocial than they should be. That is something that I dislike and try my best to keep from happening.

It happens at all forums to som degree or another. Some forums are a freeforall and just let people go nuts and curse and call each other names. There are some forums that are overly PC about everything. I try to find a happy medium that allows people to express themselves in a civil manner with whatever the topic may be, but again this can be difficult as what I consider civil may be very different than whay you consider civil.

There will always be arguments and disagreements between the 2 sides and that is OK, just as long as it is done in an adult manner...

I also like it here. I like to read some of the post I dont think they are demeaning and critical to the point were people are hurt most of them bounce right back. Some are very funny others are very serious but that's how life is they speak their mind and mostly all do it respectively.

What I can't stand are those who purposely bait others. For instance, in a thread about whaling, there will be an intelligent discussion going on. All of the sudden someone will post a comment like, "MMMM, whale meat is crispy!" They don't add to the discussion at all. It happens all the time. Some one will purposely say something asinine and insensitive just to get a reaction out of others. That contributes to a lot of arguements. Statements like the example I just gave are juvenile and I think we should all either ignore them or report them to have them deleted. I often feel like I am talked down to by others, most likely because they look at my profile area and see that my post count is low. I feel I was singled out in one situation for being newer to this site. I was warned for one rather benign comment in the apparent favor of another user who had been here much longer. The user in question seems to thrive on demeaning others. I've definately seen it happen. On some topics, particularly ones that have been seen over and over and over again it's hard not to snap at people. It is for this reason I rarely post new topics. I feel there's an 80% chance someone will inform me, usually in a condecending manner, that the topic has already been posted. The problem is the search option doesn't always do its job. It might not be the aim of the forums to criticize and demean, but it happens. I don't expect it to stop. There are, however, so many responses I read on this site that are very discouraging. It makes me afraid to voice my opinion for fear of being attacked in a viscious manner.

I like it here too. It's been worse in the past.



If that's what he wants to do that's his perogative, but it doesn't reflect the majority from my view and I don't think those who Only do that last very long.

Some Are out to hurt/offend.
Some are out to Get hurt/offended. (or if not out to be offended, just have thin skin)
Some don't know they're offending. <=== majority of the prob imo
Most are out to connect, learn, grow, inspect... and slamming or being slammed is the furthest from their mind.
Supprised me way back when I was first "attacked" on these forums... I learned from it, and yeah most of it happens in the spirituality/religion/skeptic areas, but not all. It's been much worse in the past tho. These mods here are Awesome.

As far as me.... I can be safely ignored.

Compared to a many sites I've been on, this place does a rather good job keeping mean/offensive statements to a minimum. I appreciate that! I don't know about most people here, but I come here to learn about different things. Yes, I do tend to post on only a few sections, but I do read out of most all of them. I find the people here are pretty darned intelligent, again something that seems to be in short supply on other sites.

I may not always agree with what someone says, but that makes me work harder to get my point across. Just like Onyxdk said...


I think if you keep in mind that refraining from name-calling & the like, the better your posts will be recieved. Cause if you are known for name-calling & such, most people will just roll their eyes at your comments. Or skip them all together, which is what I tend to do with name-callers. Also I like that most peole keep in mind that young people visit this site & are members. I find it to be a continuing learning process. How can I make my point? How can I show that I'm serious about it, but not yet trample all over someone else's right to disagree with me? I think that sites like this give us chances to argue effectively without being nasty about it.

BTW, I'm glad I never saw the napalm post. That is just wrong! I know that info like that is available all over the net, so we do not need it here! 'Nuff said.

Moderators:


Keep up the great work!!!

But pink fuzzy bunnies scare me!!! jk!!

Sadly, I have been on a few forums like you are describing , thats why I like UM so much.

I think the problem starts when people title each-other "believer" or "skeptic".

Onyx, you are one of the most respectful, mature people I have met on this forum since I joined. And I agree with your statement. I think it all comes down to respect, r-e-s-p-e-c-t. And many people don't have that or were not raised to be respectful of other people.

Onyx, I know you have your own opinions and have disagreed with others, as I have, but not in a demeaning or disrespectful way. I had someone join my forum recently and they said "It's nice to be here[at my forum]. At least here I don't get attacked." This is an eye opener if I ever heard one.

Bottom line is it's ok to disagree, just do it in a mature constructive way. It has nothing to do with believer or skeptic; it has to do with respect.

~ Isis

Shut up, ya nutjobs. Ya crazy nutjobs.

I agree with this, especially the point about starting this thread. I like ya Isis. But as a Brooklyn chick I'd rather have someone call me a nasty name ( I have pretty thick skin) than to publicly attempt to humiliate me in a passive aggressive manner by starting a thread like this.

I would consider this thread childish and petty and something you should have PMed the moderators about directly rather than trying to flush out the response you wanted by asking such an obvious question.

For me, I sometimes get snarky and sometimes people get snarky with me but I like this community a lot and find everyone here fascinating whether we agree or not.

I hope you can realize that when people don't know you they sometimes are careless or downright rude in their comments. Other times people are just misunderstood.

Just know that you are a valued member of a terrific site.

Its nice to see that Isis could bring her concerns to the attention of the forums patrons as well as to the attention of the moderators, its also nice to see that most points raised were answered satisfactorily.

I agree with Saruman that society and in particular the Internet contains people who constantly make counter productive observations/comments, also from my observations it is also true to say that very few compliments are made.

In my honest opinion a person can be affected significantly more by a rude comment as it causes resentment, I have yet to see an apology for a verbal assault

Well I'm just glad I havent seen a picture of a straight jacket posted for awhile at least(for example) . Maybe that slides in somewhere under 'humor' now though..

Yep, I've noticed people demeaning others on these forums and that's where mods come in

Demeaning posts shouldn't let you or others think differently of this forum and all people in these forums. It's a great forum if you happen to look at other topics in it and like any other forums, you'll get the occasional ignoramous. One person's opinions doesn't necessarily reflect others.

The only time when I get frustrated is when someone quite obviously forgets to put on spell check.
Apart from that, I think its one of the better forums on the net.

So far,I really haven't seen any flaming in the forums that has gotten out of hand,although I have seen a few remarks which could've been said differently.Of course,we *all* make mistakes when it comes to wording something just right...and when we mistake something someone posted for something completely different from what they really meant.It's not like having a conversation with others in the same room or on the phone,because you don't have the telling factors such as voice tones and mannerisms to give you clues as to how something should be taken.

As for myself,I do try to be as respectful as possible to others,since I know that we cannot all agree on everything.I may make a few snide comments here & there,but I do try not to fully insult...even though it's in my nature to tell it like I see it.

Overall though,I think the Mods do a wonderful job at keeping things civil on UM.

Forums,whether they be moderated or not,can be a lot of fun...especially when you have so many different types of people posting in them.For some of us,they give us a chance to study human attitudes and learn why some are the way they are.They also allow us all to share and discuss many types of information,stories...etc.We won't always be happy with what others may think of something,but it can help show that each of us thinks in different ways.

This forum is about unexplained mysteries, where you will have skeptics and believers, and it's only natural to expect their arguments to get heated sometimes because of their strong opinions. If people have issues, then they can use the report button and moderators will take care of them. End of story.

Couple of people have had a little go at Isis here, but I'm going to take her side. I don't mind someone having a strong opinion opposed to mine and I don't think Isis is either, nor do I think that is what Isis is concerned about. However the person in question did resort to name-calling. That's derogatory and against what this forum is about.

Ok, we might say 'sticks and stones...' but the rules are there for a reason. If you let a small breach go then soon you have a snowball effect where someone makes such a comment, gets PM'd or banned (ok, probably not banned) and complains 'But you didn't censure X about this!' Then the mods are open to claims of favouritism etc. I like the job they do and they do it without any bias. This suits most people on this forum.

I also think starting this thread was a much more mature response than responding to the offender in kind. If you have an issue get it out in the open. It's healthier than keeping it bottled up inside and it might just start an interesting debate.

My $0.02

My take is that you shouldn't be 'getting bottled up inside" over a comment some stranger made on the internet. If you are then perhaps you should take a break and go do something fun and come back when you realize its just the internet.

I myself am a person who uses profanity regularly in real life which is not one of my best qualities. I take the time to edit myself personally a lot when I am writing and I know it doesn't always come across as best as it could. I appreciate the forgiving attitude of people on the forum and the checks from the mods to keep me in line. Many times I don't think I've crossed a line. I don't realize that to people who don't speak the way I normally do will be offended by something I've said. Sometimes of course I do but most times I don't want to come across that way. I'd rather have a discussion than a fight.

This thread could have been made without mentioning the specific comment made by the poster in question. I don't think I've ever seen in all my years on the internet a thread made to deliberately target a specific poster like this. It just rubs me the wrong way.

I agree with you. ^

I'm here out of the sole purpose of your statement in a way of a backup system. So what you mean, well I say true to that.

I learned a saying from a best friend when we agree, it goes, 'true to that'.

Be strong. That best friend turned into my other brother.

Don't ever be afraid of using the full edit button first, before you have to report anyone. It helped me from the beginning. The lessons learned from some people here who choose to insult anyone else, is their taking back everything they said. So that they are not reported and banned. I choose sometimes on posts to take back alot on full edit. (Such as what is happening right now). Taking only back that I didn't say enough of what I really mean. So there, I mean what I said. Just remember that in the chat room it's chat, and here it's posts. You can't edit chat words. & believe me, it's not a good thing when you go deep into chat personal and get sticky. Straightforwardly saying, about it, negative, when and if you can't take it back.

Hi Isis,

If I had a peso for everytime I was called "hick, ignorant, ranting, need to read a history book, dumb kid, check my facts, do my research and don't know what I talking about...shut up", I would be one rich dude.

When history is being rewritten I find it my duty to step up to the plate, and counter those arguments. I try to instill a sence of humor, while not coming off as rude, insulting or mean.

I find UM to be a very polite, well-managed and well-run forum. I tend to be very direct which is often interpreted as aggression, and from years on another forums, have learned to tone down my approach somewhat in order to accommodate the more sensitive souls.

Since I am not naturally a person who accommodates or has time for 'sensitive souls' I feel this is a major achivement for me personally.

I don't think insults are tolerated on this forum and of course it is not a place meant for demeaning and criticising others.

I gather from reading this thread that the putting up of this question by you, Isis, was not necessarily as innocuous as it might appear. Perhaps you have a hidden agenda, or are taregting a specific person/group. Try to be more direct next time, is my advice, and take it to the person with whom you have the issue.

Go to the forums at 1up.com (video game site) and you will see what flaming is. Our version of flaming is their version of being nice.

This is how a topic goes there:

Poster 1: I like the PS2.
Poster 2: Your retarded the PS2 sucks horribly!
Poster 1: YOUR MOM SUCKS!

then the thread will go on for 5 pages of people just yelling at each other.

Also on those boards there is no profanity filter or any real enforcement of rules of conduct.

When we flame each other at least we are usually throwing in evidence and facts with out insults. Ive also never bin called a noob by a 12 year old before on these boards.

And you just made an example out of yourself. She has every right to make this thread. It is not childish or resentlful.

I think what the member may have meant is the fact that when people argue, its not very likely their minds will be changed easily. And so because both sides are on opposing ends they make immature and narrow-minded remarks instead of agreeing to disagree peacefully and maturely.